Malcolm in the Middle · Season 2, Episode 12
Hey, check out the newbie.
Fresh... meat.
[to Malcolm] You no longer have to live in fear.
What are you talking about?
The hazing we put you through is over.
What hazing?
Oh, come on! When we gave you the warped lunchtray. When we dulled the points on your pencils. When you sneezed and no one said "Bless you."
I still feel bad about that.
Francis [to Malcolm]: I'm warning you, keep Mom out of your love life!
Mom has nothing to do with this.
Trust me, yes, she does -- she will ruin it, I swear! Whatever Mom tells you, don't do it. And don't do the opposite, either! The way it's worked for me is... Actually, it's never worked for me.
Hi, I'm Malcolm.
Cynthia.
So, you're new here.
Yeah, my dad wanted to get away from Manhattan, but I think the real reason is that my mom's remarriage hit him pretty hard and he thinks that a new environment would help. The truth is nothing's been the same after my brother died in a boating accident.
(Malcolm is shocked, Cynthia pauses, then snorts)
Ha! Just kidding.
What?
Stevie (passes by them): Get... a room.
(Cynthia laughs)
Anyways, see you later, and I'm glad your brother's okay.
I don't have a brother.
Lois [to Dewey]: What are you doing?
Dewey (scrubbing): I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary.
Don't forget the germs in the oven.
Ooh, Malcolm. Having lunch with your girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!
Please don't do that.
Malcolm (to the camera): Yeah, that'll help.
Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
(Cynthia grabs Reese's arm and twists it, Reese falls on the table)
Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
Reese (sobbing in pain): My body is composed entirely of snot.
Cynthia (to Malcolm): Anything you'd like to add?
I'm good.
(Cynthia lets go of Reese and he walks off still in pain)
(Malcolm enters the front door panting)
What's wrong?
Some crazy new girl from school actually followed me home.
Really? Is she cute? Is this what this whole boxers shorts thing is all about. (approaches the door and looks through the peephole)
Mom, please don't.
(Lois sees Cynthia through the peephole and opens the door)
Hi!
Lois [to Malcolm about Cynthia]: You be nice to that girl. It's obvious she has no friends.
Thanks for inviting me to dinner.
Your quite welcome. I'm sure if my son wasn't a rude selfish little pig, he would have invited you himself.
(Malcolm is having lunch on a table)
Hey, Malcolm.
I want to sit alone. (Cynthia sits down next to him) Yeah, hi.
So, I signed us up as lab partners.
You know, you're always near me. Wouldn't it be okay if you branched out a little?
I thought it seemed so cool that we have a thing together.
Malcolm (to the camera): Thing?
Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend to pass the potatoes? (Cynthia hands Reese a bowl of mashed potatoes) Malcolm, can you thank your girlfriend for me?
Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend if she would like some more peas?
We get it!
Looks like Lloyd and Dabney are having a pretty intense conversation. Did you know I could read lips? (imitates Lloyd) I've noticed that 80% of my Doritos are isosceles triangles. (imitates Dabney) Wow! I'm impressed. Wanna kiss? (Malcolm and Cynthia giggle, Cynthia imitates Lloyd) I was hoping you'd ask. Lemme take a bite of my sandwich first. (Lloyd takes a bite, Cynthia imitates Dabney) Waiting such sweet agony. (Malcolm & Cynthia laugh again; Cynthia imitates Lloyd) Okay, I'm ready. (imitates Dabney) Oh, no, I'm not. I just took a bite of my sandwich. (imitates Lloyd) Oh, you're such a tease.
(Malcolm & Cynthia both laugh again and look at each other and are about to kiss, but Cynthia snorts; Malcolm gets up and leaves)
Hal (phone rings): Hello.
You are the best dad, ever.
I am not. I'm a terrible dad. I never should've lied to you.
Well, the important thing is that this is all behind us and I've learned my lesson.
What's that?
That you are the best dad ever.
Francis, I don't feel much like talking right now. (hangs up while Dewey scrubs the phone)
Lloyd [to Malcolm]: Looks like you and Cynthia have some real chemistry.
Would you shut up!
No, see, it's a play on words.
I said shut up!
Cynthia's Dad [to Malcolm]: Why did you throw a brick through my daughter's window at 2:00 am?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
