Scenes with Jumba 97
[Lilo, Jumba, and Pleakley are tied by Phantasmo after learning his secret]
Jumba375 has advanced programming. Now that we have learned his secret, he will probably get rid of us.
[Phantasmo possesses Scrump and picks up Jumba's gun]
Jumba
Don't worry. The weapon is only loaded with net.
[Phantasmo replaces the net cartridge with another]
Jumba
Ah! He has replaced net with my new laser cartridge! I am so proud of his smartness!
And I'm just gonna faint. I'm too terrified to faint. How about if I just scream? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Lilo and Stitch bring Clip home]
Jumba
[screams] Keep that thing away from me!
Jumba
Is not cute! Is Experiment #177, and is very dangerous.
She doesn't look dangerous.
Jumba
Ah, but looks can be deceiving. You see it was many years ago, when my head was overflowing with evil ideas...
[a flashback shows a younger Jumba with long black flowing hair]
Jumba
[voice-over] ...and healthy luxuriant hair follicles. I had devised Experiment 177, the Uburnium Eater!
[flashback then shows a space-style gas station selling Uburnium]
Jumba
Uburnium is the most powerful and economical fuel source in all of universe! My Ubernium Eater would spark an insurmountable fuel price!
[the flashback shows the price sign for Uburnium go higher until it explodes]
Jumba
Unfortunately, in the language of Kweltiquan, word for "Uburnium" is same as word for "hair". I did not realize mistake until... too late! I had accidentally created Hair Eater!
[flashback then shows young Jumba activating 177 for the first time; Clip comes to life and immediately eats all of Jumba's hair; back to present]
[Pleakley puts a large rainbow Afro wig on Jumba]
This spectral diffraction style is very popular on Earth, particularly of amid followers of team sports. There! What do you think?
Jumba
I look like large furry lollipop.
[after Mrs. Edmonds calls Jumba handsome, making him happy, his hair suddenly grows back]
Wow! That what I call a spontaneous something or other!
Jumba
My hair! It has returned! I... HAVE... HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Inside voice, Uncle Jumba.
[Lilo and Stitch take 254 to their house]
Jumba
Yes, 254 is designed to be irresistible.
[254 gives a record to Stitch; Stitch angrily grabs the record and places 254 on it and makes it spin on Lilo's record player]
Jumba
Of course, other experiments are immune to his charms.
[picks up 254] Well, I think he's absolutely precious, not at all like the little monster.
[Stitch growls with rage]
Jumba
[takes 254] Uh, is best not being attached. It may look harmless, but in reality, is a ticking stink bomb.
Stink bomb? This little guy?
Jumba
Very soon, it will emit odor so noxious, will make 40 square mile area uninhabitable for decades! [laughs maniacally] But yes, is cute as garment fastener.
Jumba
254 is programmed to start his stinking 42 hours after activation to allow to time to infiltrate target. Problem is we have no way of knowing when he was activated.
[Stitch angrily has 254 tied up]
Is the smell really that bad?
Jumba
[chuckles] Trust me. He'll have you losing many lunches with disgusting stench!
[unties 254] Well, that's what I'm naming him: Mr. Stenchy! And I don't care how much he reeks. I'm keeping him.
[Stitch, shocked and angered by Lilo's words, screams into a pillow]
[Pleakley is doing yoga]
Jumba
What are you doing?
Yoga, an ancient Earth discipline that's wonderful exercise for both body and mind. You should try it instead of stuffing yourself with all that flesh-based food.
Jumba
Hey, I am liking flesh-based food!
Suit yourself. But since I stopped eating anything with a face, I feel cleansed and rejuvenated.
[After Nani bring Lilo and Stitch both back home from "crashing" Mertle's birthday party]
I'm telling you, there's an experiment pod on Mertle Edmonds' new bracelet that she got for her birthday.
Jumba
Did you see number?
That's what I was trying to do when Mrs. Edmonds dragged me off Mertle.
[Pleakley can be heard chanting before Nani and Jumba see him with his body twisted]
Oh, hello, fellow spirit beings. I hope my chanting wasn't bothering you.
Pleakley, are you alright?
Hmm? Oh, I'm incredible. Really, truly. It's so amazing. Yes, at first I was in excruciating pain, but it was all part of the process. Once I transcended that, I realized that the pain was just an illusion.
Jumba
You have got to be kidding me! [grabs Pleakley and stretches his legs] Pain is only illusion! Ha!
[Pleakley is still doing yoga while Jumba is eating a pastrami sandwich]
Do you mind? I'm trying to become one with the universe.
Jumba
And I am trying to become one with pastrami sandwich!
Mertle Edmonds has activated Experiment 606!
Jumba
Oh, whee! I was hoping she would try!
Now, it's gonna suck the whole universe to a big black hole!
[suddenly panics] THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM AN ASTRONOMICAL EVENT LIKE THAT!! To think, the universe is ending, and all I was worried about was eternal wisdom?! If this is my last day on Earth, I'm eating pastrami! [grabs Jumba's sandwich and eats it]
[Nani arrives home while Pleakley mops the kitchen floor]
Where's Lilo? Is she here?
No, but a freshly mopped floor was here! Apparently, it just left!
[Lilo and Stitch arrive]
I'm fine! But Stitch and me need to borrow your car!
He doesn't have a license!
[pulls out his collar and license] Chuwapa!
Sorry. We only have one working car, and I need it for work!
But there's an experiment loose!
It can find its own ride! I have to get to the rental hut. Business is way off, and old man Juan is getting grouchy.
I'll be home after work! [leaves]
Jumba
Uh, little girl, is my hearing correct? One of my precious creations is running about free?
Yeah. It likes water and it has a really big butt. [opens the doggy door] JUST LIKE MY SISTER!!
Jumba
Experiment that is liking water and having large posterior. Ah! That would be 520! [chuckles] I was true evilling genius that day. 520 turns any body of water into giant destructive wave!
It keeps trying to get to the ocean.
Jumba
That I'd like to be seeing! Would make wave so big, whole planet will be destructed! [laughs maniacally until he notices Lilo glaring at him] Oh, it would be bad thing, yes?
Hello?! Just think of all the jellyfish! No jellyfish, no jelly, no PB&J!
[Jumba and Pleakley agrees to take Lilo to Honolulu to enter in the dog show]
You promise to watch her?
Jumba
As if she were precious treasure. Crossing my heart.
And I will make sure she brushes her teeth and wears her seatbelt and never talks to rangers!
No strangers? But some of the most interesting people to talk to are stran... [Nani glares at him angrily] Right! No strangers!
[after the gang land in Honolulu, courtesy of Pleakley's 28 credit cards]
[Stitch runs up to a view of Honolulu and laughs maniacally]
I know you always wanted to see a big city.
Jumba
See big cities? 626 programmed to destroy big cities!
But he won't, because he wants to be good and help me win the dog show and show Mertle we're not riffraff! Right, Stitch?
[Lilo wakes up]
It's 6:30! We overslept! Stitch, wake up! [pulls out the blanket to see Stitch gone] Oh, no! He went out to destroy the city!
Jumba
Ooh! I always wanted to witness that!
[they suddenly look behind them to see Stitch has actually left to grab some ice cubes]
Oh, I thought... Never mind.
[Gantu captures Gigi]
Jumba
My experiment!
Jumba
Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
Gigi... is an experiment?!
Jumba
Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.
[Jumba explains 501 and 502 to Lilo and Stitch]
Jumba
Is very important 501 and 502 do not come in contact.
Jumba
If they were to touch, could be cataclysmic disaster of epic proportions!
Jumba
Because of massive release of quantum energy! 501 plus 502 equal one big boom!
What is it with you and the big booms and the evil and the destruction? Why didn't you create an experiment to do something constructive, like, say, oh, I don't know, IRONING?!
Jumba
I am genius only! Not miracle worker.
[Lilo and Stitch challenge each other that they can capture the experiments without the other]
Jumba
626 accepts little girl's challenge. Of course, genetically superior 626 will easily catches target before little girl.
Pshaw! He's nothing without Lilo! She has Earth brains, Earth instinct. He's just a monster!
Jumba
Perhaps willing to make a wager?
Willing?! I am dying to! But galactic waging rules requires stakes.
Jumba
[chuckles] Stakes are best part. Let's see. Ha! Loser of bet must perform dreaded Gloknar Ceremony Dance!
[gasps] The thunky Gloknar?! The Witless Dance of 1,000 hours!
Jumba
Is one-eye scared like "bok-bok" Earth fowl that crosses road?
Not this one-eye, Senor Four-Eye!
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
