Scenes with Jumba 97
[Gantu falls into a 625's sandwich trap as Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley spy on them]
Did you hear that?! Those experiments have escaped again, thanks to you!
6625
Oh, that is so pathetic that you have to blame for your screwup! Hmph!
If we had worked together in the first place, like I said, we wouldn't be in this mess!
[Lilo and Stitch realize the error of their ways after hearing this]
The big dummy is right, Stitch.
Maybe if we worked together...
JumbaNever mind making up! First, be finding 501 and 502 and making certain they do not make with the touching or tapping or patting!
Why do you keep saying that?
Jumba
If I'm telling once, I'm telling more than once! Lava genius experiment and water genius experiment must not touch!
Wait a minute, that's not what David said.
Jumba
And what does local surfer boy know of this?!
Maybe it's what he was trying to tell us about Yin and Yang: two very different things come together to make on good thing. Like peanut butter and jelly. Or doughnuts and mustard.
[Lilo and Stitch work together to capture Yin and Yang and shake hands at the end]
Aha! Lilo's clever plan worked! I win!
Jumba
No, no, no! It was 626's strength and agility that captured experiments. I am winning!
Nope! We caught'em at the exact same time together. Right, Stitch?
Jumba
Which means we tied! Yeah-- Oh! No, is not good.
Intergalactic wagering rules states in the events of a tie, both parties must pay the bet! [sobs] We both lose!
Jumba
Ah, yes! That's 601. Oh, he's trouble. Is big bully. Sole purpose is to pick fights. Will defeat anyone except, maybe, 626.
No experiment can beat Stitch. Stitch is undefeatable! Right, Stitch?
[standing on the ceiling] Ih. [grumbles and then falls off the ceiling]
Come on, we've got to catch 601, and you're driving!
[scene cuts to Stitch driving the buggy in reverse]
You really aren't yourself today, are you?
[Jumba diagnoses Stitch to see what is wrong with him]
Jumba
I have diagnosis!
Jumba
He ate macadamia nut.
Jumba
Normally, macadamia nut is delicious snack. But data indicates he also ate tennis shoe.
A left one, but he spit it up!
Jumba
Not soon enough. Combination of metolayic acid found in macadamia nut oil and tennis shoe rubber created same chemical compound as Crezonyte.
Crezonyte?! Ugh! Ew! It's toxic stuff! It ruins your complexion! Ruined mine anyway!
So... what did that stuff do to Stitch?
Jumba
Caused system to shut down. He is like computer creation. Wipe out all training memory. 626's superpowers go super-kaput!
How will he defeat 601 if he can't remember how to fight?
Jumba
[sighs] We'll have to retrain from scratch.
You did once. You can do it again, right?
Jumba
Wrong. Last time training gave slipped disk.
So who's gonna retrain Stitch? Me?
Jumba
Excellent idea! [drops a stack of books near Lilo] Here are training manuals, must be trained in agility, hand-by coordination, and strength. Wishing you for good luck.
[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, Gantu, and 625 are stranded on the island due to Splodyhead]
Okay, things are not working out like we planned, but they could be worse.
Worse than being trapped under this rock and stranded on this accursed island?!
6625
Without food and water?!
Jumba
Don't forget, 619 is waiting to blast us to pieces.
And the sun is going down.
Well... We could have the mumps.
[everyone stares at Lilo in disbelief]
[after Jumba tells Lilo that Splodyhead plans to pick the group off one by one]
[draws an eye on a coconut] One by one? Marking us each for a fiery demise, 'till one of use is left all alone. It really will be me! Right, Coco? Coco here was raised on the Forbidden Isle, and knows the secrets of its evil curse!
Jumba
Strange fruit has secret information? Let me see, gimme that.
Stay away from Coco! We have a plan! We're not staying here a second longer! Run, Coco! Run! [runs out into the ocean] Escape the Forbidden Island! [a giant wave washes him back ashore] Oh, the indignity! And the evil curse!
[Jumba and Pleakley see that Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu have lost their memories]
Jumba
Uh-oh! Is Experiment 303.
Oh, Experiment 303. Well, now it all makes sense. [angrily turns to Jumba] You think I know all 626 of all your evil monsters by number?! What does it do for Earth's sake?!
Jumba
Is designed to wipe out memories.
You made a monster that gives people amnesia?!
Jumba
Guess. I can see it was success.
LMLilo/Martha
Go back a second. Did you say I'm Lilo?
Jumba
Of course.
Jumba
You are 626, also called Stitch. You catch my experiments like Experiment 303, and find one true place where they belong.
LMLilo/Martha
[points to Gantu/Lenny] And he helps us?
Jumba
Uh, no. He is evil yet incompetent experiment hunter. He is hated by pretty much everyone.
[Lilo and Stitch return home after losing Amnesio to Gantu]
We lost our memories, we lost an experiment to Gantu, and no one remembered my birthday.
Oh... [gets an idea] Etaba! [climbs a palm tree and gnaws it into a giant tiki totem pole] Happy Birthday!
Ah, you didn't have to make me a present. I remember my ohana. That's the greatest gift of all. Even if they forget my birthday.
[Lilo and Stitch enter the house and lights go on]
NDNani, David, Jumba, Pleakley, and Cobra Bubbles
SURPRISE!
COCONUT CAKE! [grabs Lilo's cake and eats in 5 seconds flat, but leaves one slice for Lilo]
I thought you all forgot.
Lilo, how could I ever forget your birthday? Remember what ohana means?
SJStitch, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Cobra Bubbles
Or forgotten.
Oh, yeah! I forgot that part.
[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]
No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
Jumba
Experiment 032.
Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]
Jumba
[chuckles] 032 says you are telling fib.
Jumba
Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? [chuckles]
How can the truth cause chaos?
Jumba
[picks up a t-shirt] Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. [pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart] Pull thread, civilization unravels. [chuckles] Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
[off-screen] Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]
Stitch's bed. [Stitch stops laughing] That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. [Stitch growls in frustration] And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.
[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]
Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
Jumba
Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
A wife? Like a lady to marry?
No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
[picks up Pleakley's phone] Hello?
[whispers] Lilo, no! Hang up!
[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]
PSPleakley's Mom
Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
PSPleakley's Mom
Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
PSPleakley's Mom
So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]
PSPleakley's Mom
Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. [shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl] Ta-da! [Pleakley gags] She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak.
PSPleakley's Mom
I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
Wait! I am not thrilled! [his mom hangs up] I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm un-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!
[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]
But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
Jumba
Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]
PSPleakley's Mom
Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
PSPleakley's Mom
There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called "Lass Vegass". I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]
LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ugh! Ow! [hops towards Lilo] Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
[takes off the veil] His mother ordered a real minister!
Jumba
Little girl, did you want to play with this? [a chainsaw is heard]
[Pleakley is getting his costume ready for the festival]
I'm so excited! My first festival dedicated to primitive Earth history! Are you dressed yet?
Jumba
[dressed as King Henry VIII] Dressed, yes. Happy, no!
Cheer up. Henry VIII was a powerful ruler, even though he had a nasty habit of having his wives beheaded!
Jumba
I am liking this Henry person! [laughs]
[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]
Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
Jumba
Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment.
Jumba
Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
Jumba
[snatches the pod from Lilo] No, no, no! Too risky.
But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
Jumba
You're wanting to make friends with a plant? [laughs] Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! [puts the pod in a drawer and locks it] No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
Jumba
End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with those.
[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]
Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
Town fair? What town fair?
Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! [gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant] Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!!
Jumba
[chuckles] You are starting to sound like evil genius.
Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
Jumba
Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! [notices some bamboo shoots growing] AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners!
Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
