Pleakley quotes from Lilo & Stitch: The Series

Okay. Now who am I?

You are me, and I am 626.

Ah, this is much better!

Please, put me back in my own body! PUT ME BACK IN PRISON!!

Lilo

If you insist. Stitch, would you do the honors? After 355 swaps him back, we'll find his one true place.

Jumba

That 355 will not swap back willy-nilly. Must be properly motivated.

Stitch

Ih! [cracks his knuckles]

Pleakley

Wait a minute! Why not try a little positive assentive? Like offering the little guy some of my delicious cuisine as a reward?

Jumba

Ah, excellent idea. If 355 does not swap Hämsterviel and Gantu, he will be given nothing to eat except Aunt Pleakley's famous Chocolate Green Beanses Surprise.

Pleakley

Must you twist everything?!

Pleakley

You wanna do what with our smelly old rundown spaceship?

Lilo

Make it a bed and breakfast.

Jumba

Ridiculous!

Pleakley

Absolutely not!

Lilo

I was thinking about calling it "Jumba and Pleakley's Bed and Breakfast".

Jumba

I'm all for it!

Pleakley

Let's get started!

Jumba

Staying back! Is Experiment 113. Designed for making very very bad luck!

Jumba

Eh, I think. Must make check of original design. All I remembering is of the exact moment I invented 113, my laboratory, for no reason, go "KA-BOOM!"

Pleakley

When didn't your lab go "ka-boom"?

Jumba

Yes, but 113's was specially unlucky. Ka-Boom insurance have just ran out!

Lilo

He doesn't look so bad.

Stitch

Eesa Okeetaka!

Lilo

Careful, Stitch!

Pleakley

It's true! It is bad luck!

Lilo

What? That could've just been an accident.

Pleakley

Really?! [opens the freezer] The fridge just happens to break the same day I bought the 96 count box of ice cream sandwiches!

Pleakley

Wow! My new ad did even better than the previous one! Alright, everybody, alphabetical order please! Quickly!

Hey, we've been waiting long enough! You're ad says you're giving away free gold!

Each guest gets their weight in free gold!

Pleakley

Oh, that? That's just a little ad campaign I came up with. Silly people! I'm not really giving away gold! That would be ridiculous! I mean, come on! How gullible can you be? Each guest get their weight in free gold? Like that's gonna happen! Boy, you Earth people will believe anything in print! Well, the real reward here is that you get to give me money! To stay in this lovely bed and not breakfast! I'm not gonna give you guys anything! Nada! Nill! Zilch! So, line up, Mr. Sucker and Mrs. Patsy, and make your reservation! [everyone glares at them angrily] Uh... I've got ice cream sandwiches... in the freezer.

GET HIM!!!

Pleakley

Don't be such a gloomy gus, Nani. He made us all this money! It was fascinating! It was fascinating! I even took notes of each item sold, to whom and for how much: a porcelain dish...

Nani

[gasps] Grandma's dish?!

Pleakley

A collection of seashells...

Nani

My seashells!

Pleakley

A photograph of an odd-looking girl with braces...

Nani

[angrilyish] My eighth grade picture!

Pleakley

[looks at PJ's fake dollar bill] These practical jokes sound fascinating. Is it a traditional Earth activity?

Lilo

Yep. People do it for laughs, and revenge.

Pleakley

Let me try one. [drops the fake dollar and tries to grab it in midair; laughs] Now that is funny! [Lilo, Stitch, and PJ stare at Pleakley unamused] Why aren't you laughing? [PJ sucks the dollar up his nose] Hey, where'd it go?!

Jumba

One-eyed noodle friend obviously knows nothing about practical jokestering. Must be funny, yes, but also is requiring touch of evil genius. Eh, for example, my Experiment 133. Is practical joke gone mad! Unholy offspring of science and evil! Stay away! [laughs]

Jumba

Discipline for disturbing hula class?! I'm very proud.

Lilo

But I didn't even do it! It was PJ! Mertle says I shouldn't let Mr. Kaponi get away with it. Teach him a lesson! I think maybe she's right.

Jumba

I see your mind is under much evil influence.

Lilo

What? From PJ?

Jumba

No, from Mertle girl.

Lilo

But she's right! It's like Mr. Kaponi's out to get me!

Pleakley

Fear no more! Presenting the crown prince of practical jokes... [runs in dressed as a jester] Pleakley the Prankster!

Jumba

Eh, apologies, but like ridiculous outfit, joke is on you. Again, I'm saying, practical joker needs heart of evil, not hat of jangly little bells!

Lilo

Can't you go any faster?

Pleakley

These are steep mountain roads. Safety first driving techniques demand that I take control of the vehicle at all times.

Lilo

This thing flies, you know.

Pleakley

[gasps] Flying?! Through these jagged canyons?!

Pleakley

Flying?! Flying?! Can't keep the eye on the road when I'm flying!

Stitch

Aga blahblah!

Lilo

You saved him!

Victoria

You were right, Lilo. He's not a monster at all. I should have trusted you.

Lilo

You were kinda right, too. Snooty actually is a vampire. You know, a snot vampire.

Victoria

No wonder he kept chasing me! My allergies! [Snooty leaps up to Victoria's face and sucks the mucus out through her nose] I can breathe!

Lilo

I think he likes you.

Victoria

Maybe he could come live with me.

Lilo

Really?

Victoria

He could keep my sinuses clear!

Pleakley

[starts the engine of the buggy] Ah-ha! Finally! [drives the buggy in reverse and crashes into Gantu's jet] I hope he had insurance.

Nani

So now they think I'm the vice president of the hotel. Isn't that hilarious?

Lilo

Yeah, especially the part with your lying!

Nani

But they're all so successful! And I rent canoes!

Pleakley

Oh, they're lots of people in the world who wish they could rent canoes.

Nani

Like who?

Pleakley

Eh... like... Marsh...a.

Lilo

Nani said it's supposed to be casual.

Pleakley

When yacht people say "casual", they mean "dress up". Trust me.

Lilo

Then what do they mean when they say "dress up"?

Pleakley

Oh! When yacht people say "dress up"... I mean, wow! Gold crowns, mirrored sunglasses, leather capes, ruby slippers, I mean, they really dress up!

Nani

The yacht, it's a canoe! Stitch, I can't afford to buy Ellen a new yacht!

Stitch

[grabs Retro's tongue and then wraps it around the cavepeople, and then spanks Retro in the behind three times] One, two, three!

What just happened?

Jumba

And why are we drifting toward very sharp rocks?

Pleakley

And why is there ham stuck in my teeth?

Lilo

I hope people will come and stay here. Nani could really use the money.

Pleakley

We have our rooms filled this weekend so you could just relax. Now when I say, "relax," I mean, help me arrange these magazines!

Lilo

[seeing the bus approaching] Pleakley, the other guests are here.

[steps off the bus and yells angrily at the driver] Next time, why don't you try to hit every pothole?!

Pleakley

Aloha, Mr. Proud. Welcome to Kauai. [puts a lei necklace on around him]

[to his wife] Look at this, Trudy. Ain't been here five minutes, and they're already tryin' to sell me stuff.

Oscar, its Hawaiian hospitality. Aloha.

Pleakley

Interstingly, "Aloha" is Hawaiian for "Everybody must be quiet. Shh."

[loudly] What's Hawaiian for "Where's the bathroom?!"

Lilo

Aloha. [puts a lei necklace on around Penny after she's the last person to step off the bus] I'm Lilo, and this is my dog, Stitch.

Penny

Aloha, Lilo. I'm Penny Proud. That's a cute… Uh, dog, did you say?

Lilo

You're gonna love Kauai. There's tons of fun stuff to do.

Penny

Yeah. Oh, but I have to write an article for my school paper while I'm here. That won't be much fun.

Pleakley

I think you'll be very happy with the customized relax and wrestle package we put together for you.

Lilo

Relax and wrestle?

Pleakley

Oh, yes. The Prouds are here to see Wizard Kelly's smack-up throwdown Hawaiian style, y'all.

I should've known Wizard Kelly put us up in a 2x4.