[Pleakley is practicing a juggling routine for Look At This!]
Let's see. Maracas, bowling ball, precious family heirloom, that's good, and here we go! [begins juggling with the maracas, the bowling ball, and a priceless lamp] Yes! Yes!
[the bowling ball lands on Pleakley's foot and the maracas hit him on the head; Stitch grabs the lamp before it could break]
LiloWhy are smashing your feet?
Haven't you heard? Look At This! is coming to Kauai! I intend to demonstrate the mastery of Earth-style juggling. [moves the bowling ball off his foot]
Lilo
Not you too! You sound just like Mertle. She thinks Look At This! is all that!
Well, Mertle sounds like a small Earth female with exquisite taste! [Stitch begins playing with his maraca] Unhand my maraca, you monster! Figure out your own audition!
Lilo
Don't worry. I'd feed myself to the sharks before I let Stitch go on that show.
Just the same! The juggling routine is mine!
[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]
Okay, first the left hip, and.... [notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her] AHH! What are you doing here, Lilo?!
Lilo
I'm not going to let you ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, Mer-Tle!
[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn] Eeka toola!
I thought you hated Look At This!
Lilo
As if! You gotta love it!
[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]
Lilo
No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
Lilo
Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]
[chuckles] 032 says you are telling fib.
Lilo
How does he know?
Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? [chuckles]
Lilo
How can the truth cause chaos?
[picks up a t-shirt] Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. [pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart] Pull thread, civilization unravels. [chuckles] Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
Lilo
I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
[off-screen] Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
Lilo
Yes.
[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]
Lilo
Stitch's bed. [Stitch stops laughing] That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. [Stitch growls in frustration] And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.
[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]
Lilo
Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
Lilo
A wife? Like a lady to marry?
No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
Lilo
[picks up Pleakley's phone] Hello?
[whispers] Lilo, no! Hang up!
[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]
PSPleakley's Mom
Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
PSPleakley's Mom
Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
PSPleakley's Mom
So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]
PSPleakley's Mom
Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. [shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl] Ta-da! [Pleakley gags] She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak.
PSPleakley's Mom
I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
Wait! I am not thrilled! [his mom hangs up] I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm un-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!
[Pleakley follows Lilo and Jumba's suggestions to lie to his mother saying that he's already found a woman to marry]
Yes, I'm engaged. Isn't that wonderful.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
PSPleakley's Mom
When did all this happen?
Well, just... a few hours ago. Yeah, a few hours ago. I've been... [Fibber beeps again] just so busy getting engaged that I forgot to tell you. [Fibber beeps twice; Stitch grabs Fibber and puts him in the ceiling lamp] Nice girl? Of course she's a nice girl. Cook? She's a... professional chef.
[Fibber's muffled beeping and lights emanate from the lamp]
Lilo
[to Stitch] Keep him quiet!
Yes, I'm afraid you will have to call off that big, fancy wedding, 'cause I'm getting married on Sunday.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
PSPleakley's Mom
What's that crazy beeping?
Uh... it's the doorbell. [Fibber beeps again] Yes, it's the doorbell. Wedding planner's here. Gotta go. [hangs up]
Lilo
Well?
She bought it. She actually bought it. This lying thing is working out really well. [there's a knock at the door] Hmm. Who could that be? Oh, it's that limo craft Mother sent to pick me up. You know, before I told her I was engaged. [chuckles] Boy, did I pull the wool over Mom's eye. She is so... [opens the door to see his mom, his sister Pixley and brother Bertley at the door] HERE!!!
PSPleakley's Mom
We hopped a wormhole as soon as we found out.
PSPleakley's Mom
What? Did you think your own family would miss your wedding? Come here. Give Mama a hug!
[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]
Lilo
But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
Lilo
Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
Lilo
Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
[Fibber beeps loudly]
[Nani is serving dinner]
[pulls out a burnt casserole out of the oven] Well... Looks like it's ready. Volcano Surprise! [places the casserole on the table and sits down; Pleakley puts his hand over her shoulder]
PSPleakley's Mom
Oh, it's so good to see my son finally getting married.
So, Wendy tells us you're...
[Pleakley spits out his mild in shock]
NLNani and Lilo
"Wendy?!"
My brother, your fiancé, the one-eyed wonder sitting next to you.
BBertley
You're marrying him and you don't even know his name?
Oh, well... I always just call him Honeykins. [hugs Pleakley]
[Fibber beeps loudly; Stitch grabs Fibber and tosses him into the clothes hamper and shoves laundry into it to stifle the beeping]
PSPleakley's Mom
Oh, he was always embarrassed by his name. I don't understand why. It means "brave warrior" in Plarganar.
BBertley
Oh, how I wanted that name.
Maybe he was embarrassed by it because he couldn't live up to it. I mean, look at his career.
Excuse me, but being an Earth expert is highly respectable.
I'm the CEO of a medium-sized galaxy. I have a bathroom in my office. You share a bunkbed with an evil scientist. Do the math, brother.
Okay, okay! Pick on Wendy time is over!
PSPleakley's Mom
Let's talk about the wedding. Now, how many guests are you having?
Guests? Oh, let's see. About..
Lilo
None. They're getting married at... City Hall.
[Fibber beeps again; Stitch traps Fibber in the dryer]
PSPleakley's Mom
That's crazy talk! No son of mine is swearing his intergalactically binding vows without a decent wedding!
[glaring at Lilo] Eternal binding vows?!
[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]
PSPleakley's Mom
Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
PSPleakley's Mom
There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called "Lass Vegass". I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]
LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ugh! Ow! [hops towards Lilo] Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
Lilo
But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
[takes off the veil] His mother ordered a real minister!
Lilo
You can't back out now!
Lilo
Now what do I do?
Little girl, did you want to play with this? [a chainsaw is heard]
[Stitch has Gantu tied up and is swinging him around on a palm tree]
You won't stop me, trog! I will get that lie-detect-- [Stich lets go, sending him flying] ORRRRRRRRR!!!
PSPleakley's Mom
A lie-detector? You mean this whole thing has been a great big lie? The fiancé, the wedding, everything?
Not everything exactly... [Fibber beeps loudly] Yes.
We travelled 2 million miles for nothing?! I lost 2 days of my important work for this!
[Fibber beeps loudly]
PSPleakley's Mom
You are not fit to wear the name Wendy!
[Fibber beeps again]
[Fibber beeps a third time; Pleakley sobs]
Lilo
Hey, Fibber's been beeping. All that mean stuff your family just yelled at you must not be how they really feel.
Lilo
Why else would Fibber have been beeping?
So... Bertley doesn't hate me.
BBertley
[ashamed] No. I don't hate you. I never did! I was just... jealous! I mean, look at you! You're tall, you're handsome, you're a babe magnet.
[looks at Fibber] He didn't beep. It must be true. I'm a babe magnet!
And you're creative, too. I've felt inferior to you my whole life.
But you're the CEO of a galaxy!
I was only trying to be better than you, and what did it get me? A high-powered career, a custom shoe closet, and bone-searing loneliness!
Your shoes have their own closet?
PSPleakley's Mom
[cries] It's all my fault! I pushed you all too hard! I just wanted my children to be happy!
PSPleakley's Mom
Oh, don't be ridiculous! How can you be happy?! You're not even married!
I don't wanna be married, Mother. I'm happy just as I am.
BBertley
Then... can I marry Nani?
You know, I'm even happier now that I know that you all really love me. You do, right?
PSPleakley's Mom and Bertley
Well...
Well, you're not perfect.
Perfect? Try living with a sister who pours grape jelly in your socks.
Lilo
Or a sister who hogs the bathroom for hours.
[hugs Lilo] But no matter how much we annoy each other, we're still ohana.
Lilo
And we love our ohana, just the way we are. [Stitch playfully jumps on the two sisters] See? The t-shirt of human civilization is made of love, not lies.
MMinister
I hate to interrupt the love fest, but who's dropping the cha-ching? [holds out the bill for his services]
[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]
HHost
Congratulations, Caller 12!
Lilo
I won?!
[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]
HHost
Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!
Lilo
I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
Lilo
Really?
Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
[pause]
YTYuki, Teresa, and Elena
Okay! [they leave with Lilo and Stitch]
[Tank rampages through the festival, with Gantu's ship in hot pursuit]
I say we hide in the blacksmith's!
No, the dueling buckets booth!
Lilo
We don't hide. That ship is trying to catch the experiment, but we have to beat him to it!
Lilo
'Cause we're the good guys, and the good guys don't chicken out just 'cause the bad guy has a gigantic spaceship with advanced alien technology.
Mertle was right: You really are weird.
YTYuki and Teresa
YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!
[Gantu departs with Tank. Stitch prepares to go after them.]
Lilo
[calls out to Stitch before he can go after Gantu and Tank, prompting Stitch to turn to her] [to Stitch] Wait! Stitch, it's okay. I let the experiment go.
Lilo
I'd rather lose that experiment than lose my best friend. Stitch... I'm really sorry I didn't treat you right. I got carried away 'cause I wanted the girls to like me... but that's no excuse for neglecting you.
[embraces Lilo] [accepting] It's okay.
[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]
Lilo
Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment.
Lilo
It's a plant?
Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
Lilo
Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
[snatches the pod from Lilo] No, no, no! Too risky.
Lilo
But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
You're wanting to make friends with a plant? [laughs] Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! [puts the pod in a drawer and locks it] No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
Lilo
But--
End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with those.
[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]
Lilo
Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
Town fair? What town fair?
Lilo
Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
Lilo
There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! [gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant] Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!!
[chuckles] You are starting to sound like evil genius.
Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
Lilo
What about my orchid?!
Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! [notices some bamboo shoots growing] AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners!
Lilo
Runners?
Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!
[Lilo goes to the rental hut to ask Nani to help her grow an orchid]
I'm sorry, Lilo, but I don't have time to help you with the fair. I'm working.
Lilo
But I want to enter something.
DDiver
Uh, miss? Do you have another mask? This one doesn't fit quite right.
Oh, yes, sir. [gives the diver another mask] Here you go. [to Lilo] If you'd told me weeks ago...
Lilo
BUT I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!!
DDiver
Uh, miss? This mask doesn't fit right either.
Uh, okay. [gives the diver another mask] Here. Try this one.
[as the two sisters talk, Stitch, still practicing to be a cowboy, wheres flippers as boots and twirls two snorkels as if they were guns]
Lilo
But I gotta enter something! Mertle's entering orchids, Pleakley's entering a huge evil pineapple, Stitch is going to be a cowboy at the rodeo.
[to Stitch] Cowboys where boots, not flippers. [to Lilo] Look, it takes a long time to grow an orchid. Maybe you could enter next year.
DDiver
Oh, uh, miss? I'm sorry, but this one...
Lilo
THE MASK DOESN'T FIT BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED WEIRD!!!! [storms out the hut]
[chuckles nervously] Kids.
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
