Mr. Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady, and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.
S6 E20Dang Ol' Love
We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
If you think for one second that I'm gonna stand by while you go on a floozy hunt for Boomhauer, I...
Peggy, do you want another "Bill" on your hands?
(giving in) Take my car. It's a chick magnet.
(To Boomhauer) I know how dark it is for you right now; curled up, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer. And the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in, because there's a train comin' at you, carryin' a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: all you can do is let it hit you. And then try to find your legs. I know, I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me Boomhauer, I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just gonna wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard into the alley every day. I'm out there diggin' holes, fallin' into them, climbin' out, tryin' again, and tomorrow, I'm gonna hang outside at a ladies prison. And the first thing those lady cons are gonna see after 20 years? Is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive you better believe it. You gotta get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight t-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
Bill is waiting outside a women's prison, in a suit, tie, and with a bouquet. A very butch looking woman walks up to him.
Welcome back to society! May I offer you a ride home?
ECEx-con
(very deep, surly voice) I'm driving.
Bill give her his car keys, which she promptly snatches.
So, what were you in for?
ECEx-con
Killed my boyfriend.
(optimistically) Does that mean you're single?
S6 E21Returning Japanese
Ah, Memorial Day. A day when our war heroes are honored by even the most liberal of media. Cheers, Colonel!
[Hank meets his Japanese half-brother, who looks astonishingly like him, for the first time.]
Bwah!!!
(In unison with hank) Hwah!!!
I kick-a your ass!!!
Good God! That is the biggest Hello Kitty store I've ever seen!
(To Hank) With all respect and honor, I would not be saddened if both you and your father went to Hell!
[After receiving a message with information about rampaging Cotton's whereabouts.]
It is one of the businessmen I exchanged cards with! See? Japanese politeness is surprisingly effective! He just saw shinless stranger boarding at train station. He say he buy train ticket and... dishonor pay toilet.
[After discarding Japanese politeness in favor of American ass-kicking.]
Look at me! Here come Ronald Reagan, Mike Tyson!
[Reading letter to Luanne.]
Hi, my name is Ladybird. I like long walks, my arthritis medication, and two cups of kibble a day. I'll try to outsmart you and get three cups, but I know you're too clever for that, Ms. Platter. (Giggles)
I don't know, Uncle Hank. She did write this letter, and everything.
Trip's off!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.