MMarlene
I'm going to be honest with you -- I only understand about half of what you say. The other times I just nod and smile and wait for your pants to come off.
“Dang Ol' Love” · Season 6, Episode 20
In this episode: Peggy Hill (3), Luanne Leanne Platter Kleinschmidt (3), Bobby Hill (2), Bill Dauterive (2), Hank Rutherford Hill (1), Dale Gribble (1)
Bill is picking on Boomhauer? He hasn't done that since he had hair.
She's not coming back, honey.
'Course she is. She's Mr. Boomhauer's girlfriend.
Let's see, how can I explain this...? You know how you can be happy eating vanilla ice cream day after day after day? Well, Mr. Boomhauer isn't just like that. See, he likes to try different flavors.
But he can have a new flavor every day! He's dating the ice cream lady!
Mr. Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady, and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.
We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
If you think for one second that I'm gonna stand by while you go on a floozy hunt for Boomhauer, I...
Peggy, do you want another "Bill" on your hands?
(giving in) Take my car. It's a chick magnet.
(To Boomhauer) I know how dark it is for you right now; curled up, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer. And the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in, because there's a train comin' at you, carryin' a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: all you can do is let it hit you. And then try to find your legs. I know, I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me Boomhauer, I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just gonna wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard into the alley every day. I'm out there diggin' holes, fallin' into them, climbin' out, tryin' again, and tomorrow, I'm gonna hang outside at a ladies prison. And the first thing those lady cons are gonna see after 20 years? Is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive you better believe it. You gotta get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight t-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
Bill is waiting outside a women's prison, in a suit, tie, and with a bouquet. A very butch looking woman walks up to him.
Welcome back to society! May I offer you a ride home?
ECEx-con
(very deep, surly voice) I'm driving.
Bill give her his car keys, which she promptly snatches.
So, what were you in for?
ECEx-con
Killed my boyfriend.
(optimistically) Does that mean you're single?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.