King of the Hill quotes

Hank

Hey, John Redcorn.

John Redcorn

Hank.

Hank

Uh, yeah, John Redcorn, I had a dream last night. You got a minute?

John Redcorn

Come in. I'll brew some chamomile tea.

Hank

...and the woman in my dreams, the one without the clothing, was not my wife. And needless to say that is not a dream I intended to have.

John Redcorn

My people believe that dreams of the unconscious mind trying to solve a problem with the conscious mind cannot. Is there anything unusual going on with you?

Hank

Nope. Everything's the same as it's always been for as long as I can remember. Yep, same old, same old.

John Redcorn

Is it possible that after 20 years of marriage, you're a little tired of your wife?

Hank

What?! That's crazy! Our romantic life is as good as the day we were married. It hasn't changed a bit. Yep, we've got a great routine. If I were bored of Peggy, I'd be having dreams in which I was bored of Peggy, not grilling naked with the neighbor's wife.

John Redcorn

(laughs) Minh.

Hank

Uh, no.

John Redcorn

It's Nancy? My Nancy? You're having dirty dreams about my sweet Nan-Nan?

Hank

Say, is that a new suede vest?

John Redcorn

Nancy used to like it when I kept the vest on during sex. Do you want it?

Hank

Oh, God!

John Redcorn

Here, take it! Take it all!

Hank

Bah!

John Redcorn

(crying)

Dale

[furious] Nancy, get out of the tub! [shakes the toaster] Electric toaster! [slips, the toaster unplugs and falls to the grass]

I'm going to be honest with you -- I only understand about half of what you say. The other times I just nod and smile and wait for your pants to come off.

Peggy

Bill is picking on Boomhauer? He hasn't done that since he had hair.

Luanne

She's not coming back, honey.

Bobby

'Course she is. She's Mr. Boomhauer's girlfriend.

Luanne

Let's see, how can I explain this...? You know how you can be happy eating vanilla ice cream day after day after day? Well, Mr. Boomhauer isn't just like that. See, he likes to try different flavors.

Bobby

But he can have a new flavor every day! He's dating the ice cream lady!

Luanne

Mr. Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady, and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.

Dale

We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!

Peggy

If you think for one second that I'm gonna stand by while you go on a floozy hunt for Boomhauer, I...

Hank

Peggy, do you want another "Bill" on your hands?

Peggy

(giving in) Take my car. It's a chick magnet.

Bill

(To Boomhauer) I know how dark it is for you right now; curled up, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer. And the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in, because there's a train comin' at you, carryin' a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: all you can do is let it hit you. And then try to find your legs. I know, I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me Boomhauer, I'm fat, and I'm old, and every day I'm just gonna wake up fatter and older. Yet somehow I manage to drag this fat old bald bastard into the alley every day. I'm out there diggin' holes, fallin' into them, climbin' out, tryin' again, and tomorrow, I'm gonna hang outside at a ladies prison. And the first thing those lady cons are gonna see after 20 years? Is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive you better believe it. You gotta get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight t-shirt, wash off some of that cologne, and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!

Bill

Welcome back to society! May I offer you a ride home?

(very deep, surly voice) I'm driving.

Bill

So, what were you in for?

Killed my boyfriend.

Bill

(optimistically) Does that mean you're single?