[as Peggy shows Hank a small dog she's fallen for]
RSRescue Shelter Associate
Ah, I gather you've met Caesar Salad. He's a two-year-old mixed breed.
AAssociate
I assure you, he's perfectly healthy, aside from the conditions listed on the card.
[reading the card] Anxiety, depression, sun sensitivity, afraid of potted plants???
AAssociate
Would you be interested in fostering Caesar for a few weeks? Just until we can find him a permanent owner?
In other words, you're Son the dog needs a substitute teacher?
AAssociate
Uh, I suppose that's one way of looking at it.
I come in, I teach him a few tricks, turn his life around, and send him off into the brave new world! This is what Peggy Hill was born to do! What do you think, Hank?
[still reading the card] Hostile towards shadows? Dear God, there's a second card!
Dad's stuff is all gone from the garage. Did he move back in?
[from across the street] No, I did not. I left, with my dignity intact!
I kicked you out! You were crying so loud, I could hear it through the garage!
[begins to approach] I was reading a sad book, called "our wedding album."
Hey, we agreed! You stay on that side of the street!
I don't understand. Dad, where do you live now?
With me! [Kahn sighs] Yeah, we're just two single guys having a grand old time! No wives, just vibes! All are welcome... except wives.
Ha! Hank Hill is holding an umbrella for a dog! Your life is falling apart!
Aren't you living with Bill?
No! Bill is living with me! ... at Bill's house.
Kahn, you sound troubled. Tough day?
Yes! I'm upset because Minh basically gets Connie the whole weekend! Stupid schedule.
[hugging Kahn] Shh-shh-shh. There, there, deep breaths, Kahn. [they breathe deep together] Don't let Minh push your buttons. That's what she wants.
Now, how about we go home, I make us some dinner, maybe draw a bath...?
Let's start with the normal amount of bubbles and then we'll go from there.
Bobby Hill, put a shirt on, and step away from my precious daughter!
Okay, but let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. The dog.
The dog wasn't the one engaging in amorous congress under my roof.
It can't, because it has an inverted penis.
[Kahn approaches]
I caught your daughter participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill!
Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter?!
No sir. We didn't even get to doing anything, we were just... warming each other up.
Okay, I can see that tendons are a little high right now, do how about we all just get some sleep and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, which I'm paying for?
Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. Come on, Connie, let's go back home.
No! All you've done since I've been home is complain about dad and insult Bobby. I don't wanna be around that.
... Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight?
Ha! You mean Bill's place?
We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. Things are very mellow over there. Super chill.
[obviously uncomfortable] Of course! Because I support your relationship.
[hugging Kahn from behind] Yaaaay! The more, the merrier! Hank and Peggy can come too, if you'd like!
Do not threaten us, Bill.
I'm gonna go with Connie.
That's fine. Why don't you take those sheets with you?
I'm glad we're getting to spend some quality time together, man to man. And not just any men, the two most important men in Connie's life.
And hey, maybe if we get everything done in time, we could get lunch, or play nine holes of golf. Ten if you're nasty.
[Kahn pulls over, buried his face in his arms and sobs]
I lost my marriage, I'm losing Connie, I live with Bill, and you're dating my daughter again! My life is shit! [sobs more]
There, there. Can I do anything to help?
Open up the door and push me into traffic?
VVeterinarian
Looks like this dog will only be eating smoothies from now on.
He's hurt that bad? But how will he get his nutrients? A growing dog needs all his protein.
VVeterinarian
This dog's done growing. Based on his cloudy eyes, loose skin and general odor, I'd say he is about ten years old.
That's impossible! The rescue shelter told us he was two.
VVeterinarian
Those rescue places always tell you their dogs are two. That way, they don't scare you off. It's like how I tell people I chose to be a vet instead of "I flunked out of med school."
