Hank Rutherford Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Bobby

Can I put a gun rack on my bike?

Hank

Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to ask me that?

Hank

Dale, the NRA is a Washington DC based organization. Are you telling me you support Washington D.C.?!

Dale

*pause* THAT'S a thinker...

Hank Hill

Come on. [honks horn] Come on! Let's go! Move that truck! [a worker walks towards his truck] My wife is stuck in Shining Pines.

I'm not authorized to drive the truck, sir.

Hank Hill

My wife is in danger, damn it! Now make something happen!

[blows whistle] SECURITY!!!

Hank Hill

Bill, thank God! Make this idiot let me pass.

Bobby Hill

This is the chance I've been waiting for!

Hank

You're tough, Bill. You're the toughest Army barber I know.

Dale

Set your mousse to stun, there, Bill.

Peggy

Luanne and Bobby are at Junie Harper's house

Hank

[Nearly chokes on his beer before swallowing] I came very close to spitting out beer!

Hank

Dale, you giblet-head, if you were gonna cheat, why'd you buy a frozen bass?

Dale

I had a coupon.

Peggy Hill

Did a woman ruin the Supreme Court?

Hank Hill

Yes, and that woman's name was Earl Warren.

Bobby Hill

(about an athletic cup) This cup has holes in it. How am I supposed to drink out of this?

Hank Hill

No, Bobby. You don't...

Bobby Hill

Gotcha!

Hank Hill

Oh, heh-heh...

Hank

I'm not gonna be blind forever you know. And the second I see some ass I'm kicking it. Now no more making fun of my blindness.

Bill

Okey-doke. Bring! Bring! Phone for you, Hank [takes off shoe and gives it to Hank]

Hank

The joke's on you, funny man.

Luanne

OK Luanne, how do they get out of the closet? (gasps) Ohhh, No, that won't work.

Hank

(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a coat-hanger.

Luanne

What? I don't... I can't... hmmm, what?

Hank

(whispers) Jimmy the lock with a... (sighs) uh, (out loud) I'll save you, Manger Babies.

Luanne

You will?

Hank

Yes, uh, cause I'm the assistant manager of this movie theater. I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories and you are fired.

Luanne

(as the Manger Babies) We're free, we're free, whoo.

Luanne

Thank you, assistant manager. Me-how can we ever repay you?

Hank

By never forgetting this lesson. Sneaking into the movies is wrong. As wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.

Bravo, bravo.

Nancy

You know Luanne really shouldn't waste this kind of talent on church. If you want, I could show this tape to my boss at channel 84. He's always looking for quality children's programming and home videos of things blowing up.

Peggy

Well, Luanne really could use a boost right now, but I could not take advantage of our friendship like that, no.

Nancy

Oh, Peggy, honey. This is show business. That's what friends do.

Hank Hill

Hey Vickers, who do you like for the Super Bowl next year? The Doopie Loopies or the Shimmie Shammies?

Okay, okay, very funny. But I like the Bills.

Listen up, we are a family, and the daddy ain't feeling so good. Ladies, I got a shot coming. If you girls would please step outside? It is rude for such pretty gals like you to have to see my bare bottom.

OK, now that the skirts are out in the hallway we can get down to business. Hank, you are my right hand man, and I need you to take on this important job.

Hank

Yes, sir?

I need you to feed my hounds.

Hank

Uh, sir?

Tell them that you will love them! Vickers, you run the company, whole shebang.

Yes, sir!

Let's see what that fancy business school degree of yours is worth.

Hank

Sir, I fail to see what a business degree has over my 15 years of service to Strickland Propane!

I let you light the torch, didn't I? Right now my hounds are starving!

Here's key. Lock little sticky. You got to rake it like there's no tomorrow.

Hank Hill

This is a car key.

Yeah, you win new car. This big game show. Just rake it stupid.

Dale

Now just follow my lead and play it cool.

Hank

What if they find Kahn?

Dale

If I know my Mexican legal system, which I do, we'll get about 15 years with a starvation diet of moldy bread and warm water.

Hank

Distilled water?

Dale

(chuckling): No. And of course there is a total lack of toilet paper...and privacy.

Hank

Oh, God, I can't go while people watch.

Dale

Then let me do the talking.

Morning. Where are you gentlemen from?

Dale

(voice breaking): Arlen, Texas.

I've been to Arlen. Nice town.

Dale

Run!

Hank

I think we lost them. We'll be okay.

Dale

Okay?! We're screwed!

Hank

No, we're American. We got to find a pay phone and hope Ross Perot's 800 number's still working.

Why you want to call that nut for? Border right there. Millions of people cross over every day. We can, too. No big deal.

Hank

Illegally? No! America is my country and I love her. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.

Dale

We have no choice, Hank. The I.N.S. had their cameras trained on us. The border guards think we're smugglers. I'm too pretty to go to jail!