Bertie Wooster quotes from Jeeves and Wooster

Bertie Wooster

I can be chilled steel, you know!

Bertie Wooster

You know what Kipling said. The f. of the s. is much more d. than the m.

Bertie Wooster

Aunt calling to aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps.

Bertie Wooster

Well, I don't think I'm going too far, Jeeves, when I say that this just about takes the giddy biscuit!

Bertie

Spode qua menace — if "qua" is the word I'm after — is a thing of the past.

Bertie

[to Spode] I would like to know why the devil you keep coming into my private apartment and then taking up space which I require for other purposes.

Bertie Wooster

Jeeves, unpleasantness has reared its ugly head in the West 1 postal district.

Bertie Wooster

Save the congratulations for later, Jeeves, but as the French might say, it is dans le sac.

Bertie Wooster

Well, we're off on our travels, Jeeves. Blasted tricky business, what they call "hunting" in these parts; they do it without horses. Managed to wing a forest ranger the other day, however. The show's a sellout everywhere. My log cabin marked with an X. [...] Westward, ever westward, Jeeves. We're all having a whale of a time, especially Cyril Bassington-Bassington. My sleeping-car marked with an X.... Show doing famously, Jeeves. I must say the horses out here are rather excitable. The local lads are pretty excitable, too. I've had to buy a few new clothes, I'm afraid, but I'm sure you'll approve. My bunkhouse marked with an X. [...] This card shows a picture of the Rockies, Jeeves. They're mountains, as you can see. And dashed rocky they are, too. My rock marked with an X.... This is the life, Jeeves. Not a fish in sight and boots slowly filling with ice water. I did catch a couple of trout the other day. One of them looked exactly like Oofy Prosser. Don't suppose the Oofys hail from Montana, do you? My teepee marked with an X.... I've now seen Ask Dad! six billion and blasted two times, Jeeves — or is it six billion and blasted three? — and still no blasted sign of a blasted Broadway theater. My seat in the blasted orchestra stalls marked with a blasted X. [...] P.S.: I really think I might leave the show and totter home soon.

Bertie Wooster

You can't go around London asking people to pretend to be Gussie Fink-Nottle! Well, yes, you can, I suppose, but what a hell of a life.

Bertie Wooster

I've only seen a photograph, Jeeves, and it may well be that she has a heart of gold; however, the first thing that strikes one about her is that she also has a tooth of gold.

Bertie Wooster

Jeeves, I'm — I'm getting too old for all this. I feel like something that's been rejected by the Pure Food Committee.

Bertie Wooster

If that doesn't leave me without a stain on my character, well, then I don't know what it does leave me without a stain on.

Bertie Wooster

[watching Aunt Dahlia and Trotter seal the deal on Milady's Boudoir] He's kissed her on the cheek! Good Lord.... She's slapped him on the back... now she's helping him up, dusting down his suit...

Bertie Wooster

I know Stiffy. I'd run a mile in tight shoes for her. But she lacks that, that balanced judgment that one likes to see in girls.