[waking him up] Good morning, Mr. Wooster.
What? What's the time?
Ten past nine, sir.
[irritated] Ten past nine!? Is the building on fire?
Not that I've been informed, sir, no.
“The Hunger Strike” · Season 1, Episode 4
In this episode: Bertie Wooster (9), Jeeves (5), Aunt Dahlia (1), Madeline Bassett (1), Tuppy Glossop (1)
I can't understand Gussie Fink-Nottle being in London, Jeeves. Till now he's always remained glued to the country, completely surrounded by newts.
Sir?
[speaking to doorman] Morning, Jarvis. [turning again to Jeeves] Newts. You know, Jeeves, those little lizard-y things that charge about in ponds.
Ah, yes, sir. The aquatic members of the family Salamandridae that constitute the genus Molge.
Yes, they're the chaps.
[about Gussie's reported romantic interest in Madeline Bassett]
Well, I must confess, Jeeves, that until you supplied this information, I had definite doubts about Gussie's chances. But now, hope begins to dawn. He's just the sort of chap that Madeline Bassett might scoop up with a spoon.
This is indeed good news, sir.
I wouldn't go so far as to say she actually writes poetry, but when a girl suddenly asks you out of a clear blue sky if you don't think that the stars are "God's daisy chain," well, I mean, you do begin to wonder, Jeeves.
[clears throat] Indeed, sir.
[about the white mess jacket]
I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else that it has been placed there by your enemies.
I will have you know, Jeeves, that I bought this in Cannes!
And wore it, sir?
Every night at the Casino. Beautiful women used to try and catch my eye!
Presumably they thought you were a waiter, sir.
Aunt calling to aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps.
Tuppy, old man!
It's no good saying "Tuppy, old man"!
Well, I do say "Tuppy, old man"! One is... one is shocked; one raises the eyebrows! Where is the fine old chivalrous spirit of the Glossops?
Well, where is the sweet, gentle, womanly spirit of the Angelas? Telling a chap he's getting a double chin!
Now be fair, Tuppy. Remember the time you told her that new hat made her look like a Pekinese?
Yes, well. Did make her look like a Pekinese. But that wasn't vulgar abuse, just sound, constructive criticism.
[Bertie rolls his eyes]
Tut!
What did you say?
I said "tut!"
Say it again and I'll biff you where you stand. I have enough to endure without being tutted at.
Well, quite.
Any tutting that's required, I'll attend to myself.
Oh, Bertie, what a beautiful night!
[humouring her] Rather!
All the flowers have closed their eyes....
Really?
And all the little stars have woken up. [sees rabbits in the garden, not comprehending that they're only pottery figures] Oh, look! The little bunnies — how still they are!
Yes, yes, they are marvellously still, aren't they? Yes....
[following Gussie's utter failure to make a good impression with Madeline Bassett]
But how could anything go wrong? All he had to do was… propose.
So one would be disposed to imagine, sir. However, upon finding himself alone with the young lady, he confesses to having lost his nerve. In such circumstances, gentlemen frequently talk at random, sir, saying the first thing that chances to enter their head. This, in Mr. Fink-Nottle's case, would seem to have been the newt: its treatment in sickness and in health.
Bad, Jeeves.
Yes, sir.
And how long did he go on talking about newts?
According to Mr. Fink-Nottle, he supplied Miss Bassett with very full and complete information, sir.
Very bad, Jeeves.
Indeed, sir.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.