Aunt Agatha quotes from Jeeves and Wooster

Bertie.

Bertie Wooster

Aunt Agatha.

It is young men like you who make a person with the future of the race at heart despair.

Bertie Wooster

Oh. Right.

[to the police officer] And stand up straight! Is that the way they teach you to stand at the police force nowadays?

Bertie Wooster

Is there anything I can do, Aunt Agatha?

Yes, there is. You can leave. I have enough to bear without your imbecilities. [to the officer] Your chief constable should hear of this. What is your name?

Bertie Wooster

I think there's something the matter with that girl, Auntie. Isn't she crying or something?

Remorse! She stole my pearls! [to the officer] Do you refuse to give me your name?

Bertie Wooster

Pearls? Well, that's a coincidence. These aren't the little chaps, are they? [holding them up]

Oh, no, of course not — [catching sight of them] Wh-where did—?

Bertie Wooster

I got them from your friends the Hemmingways.

The Hemmingways? The Hemmingways?! Well, how did they come into the possession of the Hemmingways?

Bertie Wooster

Because they jolly well stole them, that's how! That's what they do for a living! They are jewel thieves!

No, no, no, no, no, no—

Bertie Wooster

Yes, yes, aged A! I mean, I don't want to rub it in, but you do realize that if you had succeeded in getting me to marry that girl, then I should most probably have had children who'd have sneaked my watch while I was dandling them on my knee!

Oh, Bertie, dear, you—

Bertie Wooster

Now I'm not a complaining sort of chap, as a rule, but I must say that in future, you might be just a little bit more careful how you go about egging me on to marry females! [hands her the pearls and walks out, then does a dance in the hall]

Madeline Bassett

[about Bertie] I think he's having a brainstorm!

What with?