Stiffy Byng quotes from Jeeves and Wooster

Jeeves, you really are the specific dream rabbit.

[to the constable] What on earth did you do that for? You might've scared him out of his wits, hurling yourself about like that. [addressing the dog] Poor old Bartholomew!

We must caution you, Miss Stephanie!

[talking to dog] Did the ugly man nearly squash him flat?

I was proceeding along a public highway when the dog leaped at me in a violent manner. I was hurled from my bicycle —

Well you shouldn't ride a bicycle. Bartholomew hates bicycles.

I ride a bicycle, Miss, because if I didn't, I would have to cover my beat on foot!

Do you good! Get some of the fat off you.

I will have to summons you once more, miss, for being in possession of a savage dog whilst not under proper control.

Don't be an ass, Oates. You can't expect a dog to pass up a policeman on a bicycle! It isn't human nature.

Bertie

Stinker! Good heavens!

Bertie! Well, well, well!

Bertie

I always wondered what became of you!

I was wondering only the other day what had happened to you. Good heavens!

Bertie

Well, well, well!

Extraordinary thing!

Bertie

And here you are!

Well, well, well!

Bertie

Absolutely amazing. Good heavens.

Er — is that the end?

Bertie, I think you're a pig!

Bertie Wooster

A pig, maybe. But a shrewd, level-headed pig. A pig who was not born yesterday and has seen a thing or two.

Oh, ha jolly ha.

Bertie Wooster

Oh, ha jolly ha to you, young Stiffy, with knobs on!

And ha jolly ha to you, with double knobs on!

Bertie Wooster

How's Stinker?

Who?

Bertie Wooster

Your fiance.

I don't have a fiance. If a girl's fiance can't stand up to a girl's uncle and demand a girl's hand in marriage, he has no right to call himself a fiance.

Bertie Wooster

I thought he had done all that?

He did. But uncle Watty refused.

Bertie Wooster

Well that's hardly Stinker's fault ...

He obviously didn't put enough backbone into it.

Gussie's playing Pat in the "Pat and Mike" cross-talk act at the village concert I'm producing.

Bertie Wooster

Oh, really? And who's playing Mike in this merry mélange of fun and topicality?

Bertie Wooster

Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Jove!

Oh by Jove, oh by Jove, oh by Jove!

Bertie Wooster

Oh By Jingo, won't you hear our love?

Madeline Bassett

Will you kindly raise your voice?

Louder!

We will build for you a hut!

Yes!

You will be our favourite nut!

Correct!

Bertie Wooster

We'll have a lot of little oh-by-Joveses!

Jeeves

Dress them up in clogs and clotheses.

Bertie Wooster

Oh By Jingo said by gosh by gee!

G, A, B, C, D, E, stop!

Madeline Bassett

Oh by jiminy, please don't bother me!

Bother her, bother her!

Bertie Wooster

So they all went away, saying

Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Oh By Jingo, by gee, you're the only one for me!

Jeeves

Bring me lobster on a clean plate!