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S3 E3

Jeeves and Wooster · Season 3, Episode 3

“Introduction on Broadway” quotes from Jeeves and Wooster

6 quotes

“Introduction on Broadway” · Season 3, Episode 3

In this episode: Bertie Wooster (6), Jeeves (3)

[On casting the role of the butler in the play Ask Dad!]

GCGeorge Caffyn

Now look, I know it's a small part, but we're really looking for an Englishman to play it.

No, I played Brutus at school once, and I was the one everybody stabbed.

AWAlexander Worple

It's always a pleasure to meet another jute man. I love jute. You see this model of a yellow-bellied sapsucker? Made entirely from jute.

[softly] Good Lord. Huh!

AWAlexander Worple

This entire edifice you see around you... built on jute!

Really? [stomps on floor, testing its durability, as he looks around room] Pretty useful stuff, then.

I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and of course the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons.

Ah. So the world's pretty well stocked up on Bassington-Bassingtons, then?

Tolerably so, sir.

No chance of a sudden shortage, I mean, huh?

Presumably not, sir.

[Bertie's postcards as he travels across America with the cast of Ask Dad!]

Well, we're off on our travels, Jeeves. Blasted tricky business, what they call "hunting" in these parts; they do it without horses. Managed to wing a forest ranger the other day, however. The show's a sellout everywhere. My log cabin marked with an X. [...] Westward, ever westward, Jeeves. We're all having a whale of a time, especially Cyril Bassington-Bassington. My sleeping-car marked with an X.... Show doing famously, Jeeves. I must say the horses out here are rather excitable. The local lads are pretty excitable, too. I've had to buy a few new clothes, I'm afraid, but I'm sure you'll approve. My bunkhouse marked with an X. [...] This card shows a picture of the Rockies, Jeeves. They're mountains, as you can see. And dashed rocky they are, too. My rock marked with an X.... This is the life, Jeeves. Not a fish in sight and boots slowly filling with ice water. I did catch a couple of trout the other day. One of them looked exactly like Oofy Prosser. Don't suppose the Oofys hail from Montana, do you? My teepee marked with an X.... I've now seen Ask Dad! six billion and blasted two times, Jeeves — or is it six billion and blasted three? — and still no blasted sign of a blasted Broadway theater. My seat in the blasted orchestra stalls marked with a blasted X. [...] P.S.: I really think I might leave the show and totter home soon.

Well, what do you think?

I only hope the poor creature died a peaceful death, sir.

What? Oh, the coat, yes. It is rather snazzy, isn't it? No, I was referring to the moustache, the old soup strainer.

Very striking, sir.

Rather Ronald Colman, I thought.

It was Lord Kitchener who sprang to mind on first sighting, sir.

Blast it, Jeeves! I shall do what I like with my own upper lip.

You know, Jeeves, in spite of the fact that we're being dragged back to Dear Old Blighty under somewhat ignominious circumstances by an enraged aunt, I shan't be sorry to go.

No indeed, sir. It will be a pleasure to be home.

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