“The Delayed Arrival” quotes from Jeeves and Wooster

[referring to Bertie's cocktail] Now what do you suppose those things are doing to your eye?

Bertie Wooster

For your information, Cheesewright, one does not administer alcohol by the eye, or even by the ear. The mouth is the correct orifice.

Not if one's meant to be in training for the Drones' darts tournament, it isn't.

Bertie Wooster

Ah, yes, of course, you've drawn me in the sweepstake, haven't you? Well, your money is safe, Cheesewright. The Wooster form is as devastating as ever.

We want a win this year, Wooster, not another dratted tie. I happened to look into the Drones this afternoon. Freddie Widgeon was at the darts board, stunning everyone with a performance that — took the breath away.

Bertie Wooster

Tcha!

Eh?

Bertie Wooster

I said "tcha!" scornfully, with ref. to F. Widgeon. I know his form backwards.

He's knocked off smoking, you know!

Bertie Wooster

No!

He takes a cold bath every morning!

Bertie Wooster

[shrugs] He's forgotten where the hot tap is.

This is wonderful! What horrible people! Are all nightclubs like this?

Bertie Wooster

Ah, well, this is about average for the unlicensed places.

Unlicensed?

Bertie Wooster

You said you wanted somewhere low and garish.

Oh no, I'm not complaining. This is just the sort of place I pictured Rollo coming to that night!

Bertie Wooster

Rollo?

The hero of my novel. Rollo Beeminster. He's in a wild mood, reckless, desperate. He's lost the girl he loves, and he comes to this low nightclub trying to forget, but it's useless. He looks around him at the glitter and garishness and feels how hollow it all is.

Bertie Wooster

Yes. [clears throat] I saw Stilton at the Drones tonight.

Oh, yes?

Bertie Wooster

Yes, he was in a wild mood. He looked about him at the Drones' smoking room and I could see he was feeling what a hollow... smoking room it was.

Oh, Bertie, if magazines had ears, Milady's Boudoir would be up to them in debt. I've got nasty little men in bowler hats knocking at my door.

Bertie Wooster

Well, I can't possibly come down to Brinkley, aged aunt. If I'm seen within a twenty-mile radius of Florence Craye, I get my spine broken.

Oh, you're so selfish, Bertie. You don't know how important this is to me.

Bertie Wooster

Well you don't know how important my spine is to me. I'm very attached to it.

Bertie Wooster

If that doesn't leave me without a stain on my character, well, then I don't know what it does leave me without a stain on.

Bertie Wooster

[watching Aunt Dahlia and Trotter seal the deal on Milady's Boudoir] He's kissed her on the cheek! Good Lord.... She's slapped him on the back... now she's helping him up, dusting down his suit...

Bertie Wooster

You know, Jeeves, I can't help thinking, somewhere at the back of my mind, there must be a better method of deciding the championship than playing the best of six games.

Jeeves

It does seem likely, sir.

Bertie Wooster

Perhaps the best of eight would do it.

Jeeves

Possibly, sir.

Bertie Wooster

Ten. Exhaustion might yet result, if nothing else.

Jeeves

I'm sure the Sports Committee will find a way, sir — given time.