Jeeves and Wooster · Season 2, Episode 4
“Jeeves in the Country” · Season 2, Episode 4
In this episode: Bertie Wooster (8), Jeeves (3), Chuffy Chuffnell (3), Pauline Stoker (2)
Well, let me tell you, Mr. Mangelhoffer, that the man that hath no music in himself is fit for... hang on a minute. [goes into the other room, where Jeeves is peeling potatoes] Jeeves, what was it Shakespeare said the man that hadn't music in himself was fit for?
Treasons, stratagems, and spoils, sir.
[returning] Treasons, stratagems, and spoils.
What?
That's what he's fit for, the man that hath no music in himself.
Jeeves, unpleasantness has reared its ugly head in the West 1 postal district.
And this is my friend Bertie Wooster.
[frowning] Wooster!
[smiling] Well, well, well! Old Colonel Wooster in person. [walks over to Bertie]
Oh, well, you know....
Well, sir, this has certainly made my day, you little blob of sunshine. [tweaks Bertie's cheek, then takes him by the arm] Isn't he looking lovely, Father?
Come away from that man, Pauline. That man is bad news!
[Pauline makes an expression of mock horror with widened eyes]
[referring to Marmaduke "Chuffy" Chuffnell] Well, no one would say that "Marmaduke" was a beautiful name, wantonly and without good reason.
[sighs] All right. Less of the Sherlock stuff. I'm not trying to hide anything.
Uh-huh. And you love this, um — [chuckles] excuse me — this Marmaduke?
I'm dippy about him, Bertie. Don't you just worship the way his hair sort of fluffs up at the back?
My dear girl, I have better things to do than go about staring at the back of Chuffy's head. The front's bad enough.
Well, there's only one thing for it, Jeeves: Chuffy must be shoved over the brink.
I do not quite follow you, sir.
What he needs is a jolt. If he thought that there was a grave danger of some other bloke scooping her up, well, wouldn't that make him forget those dashed silly ideas of his and charge ahead, breathing fire through the nostrils?
Jealousy is undoubtedly a powerful motivating energy, sir.
And what about the oof situation?
The what?
The oof, the dibs, the do-re-mi, the happy cabbage, the oil of palm.
Yes, yes, I do speak English.
She must have had a wonderful time being engaged to you. What on earth made her accept you, I wonder.
Do you know, I once consulted a knowledgeable pal, and his theory was that the sight of me hanging around like a loony sheep awoke the maternal instinct in woman. There may be something in this.
[as firemen arrive to put out a fire raging at the cottage where he's staying, Bertie, reeling in pain, crawls on his hands and knees to sit against a tree]
I blame you for this, Jeeves.
With respect, sir, I merely intended Mr. Stoker to discover his daughter at your cottage. So strongly does he disapprove of you that I expected him to look more kindly on Miss Stoker's putative engagement to Lord Chuffnell. The fact that His Lordship should also discover her here, and in mortal peril, was, as the Americans say, pure gravy.
[Jeeves regards the unfolding drama with satisfaction. Bertie stares at the scene, dumbfounded at first; as Jeeves's words sink in, he begins to smile, then winces again in pain]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
