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Jeeves and Wooster quotes

179 quotes · 15 characters · page 1 of 12

Jeeves and Wooster

All S1 S2 S3 S4

S1 E1Jeeves Takes Over

[his first line]

I was sent by the agency, sir. I was given to understand that you required a valet.

EWEustace Wooster

Now, touching at lunch, you very decently were going to volunteer to stand us...

Can’t be done, I’m afraid. I’ve got to have lunch with our Aunt Agatha.

EWEustace Wooster

Oh... not the nephew-crusher.

Bertie.

Aunt Agatha.

It is young men like you who make a person with the future of the race at heart despair.

Oh. Right.

Jeeves, I have to make one thing crystal clear.

Yes, sir?

I am not one of those fellows who become absolute slaves to their valets.

[as if shocked] No, sir.

Just as long as we understand each other.

Perfectly, sir.

GLady Glossop

Do you work, Mr. Wooster?

What, work? As in honest toil, you mean? Hewing the wood and drawing the old wet stuff and so forth?

GLady Glossop

Quite.

Well... I've known a few people who worked. Absolutely swear by it, some of them.

You bally well are informed, Jeeves! Do you know everything?

[hesitates] I really don't know, sir.

S1 E2Tuppy and the Terrier

Pardon me for asking, sir, but are you proposing to appear in public in those garments?

Well, certainly, Jeeves. What — a bit vivid, do you think?

Not necessarily, sir. I am told that Mr. Freddie "He's a Riot" Flowerdew often appears on the music-hall stage in comparable attire.

[having just finished playing "Forty-Seven Ginger-Headed Sailors"] Really speaks to me, that song, you know, Jeeves.

I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

I can be chilled steel, you know!

BWBobbie Wickham

Mr. Blumenfield's a fearfully important Broadway producer. I've got to read Mummy's play to him after lunch. I can't read to him in a restaurant.

Yes, but why does he want jam roly-poly and oysters?

BWBobbie Wickham

Oh, he doesn't. That's for his son. Apparently Mr. Blumenfield always banks on his verdict. He says an eight-year-old child's intelligence is exactly equal to a Broadway audience's.

Guess what? I'm going to the opera tonight.

Opera, Tuppy?

Cora's singing in the, um, Barber of Figaro.

Is that the one about the pyramids?

BBarmy

Sounds like it, by the name.

I've never been to the opera before. Would you like to come with me, Bertie?

Ahh, well…. [They eventually see Le nozze di Figaro, a k a The Marriage of Figaro.]

Tell me, Jeeves, were you always like this, or did it come on suddenly?

Sir?

The brain, the gray matter. Were you an outstandingly brilliant child?

My mother thought me intelligent, sir.

Well, can't go by that. My mother thought me intelligent.

S1 E3The Purity of the Turf

[about the song "Good Night, Vienna"] I mean, fancy writing a song about saying good night to a whole city. I mean, you may as well say, "Good Afternoon, Manchester" or "Fancy Bumping Into You, Basingstoke."

Yes, sir.

Or "I Didn't See You at the Club Last Night, Cleethorpes."

RSRupert Steggles

I'm going inside. This fresh air is getting into my lungs.

You look positively animated, Jeeves!

[straightening his jacket] I'm sorry, sir.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.