Jade Clones quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jade

Seymour's loads more fun than any of the other kids at school! We like the same things, and he actually listens to me! We're like Yin and Yang, Yang and Yin.

Good and evil?

Jade

Left and right; two halves of the same whole. Duh.

I smell a spell!

Stee-rike!

Jade

You're-you're...

[changing into Hsi Wu] A demon? Still want to go the dance with me?

Jade

Not!

Jade

You were right about the good and evil thing, T.

There will be other dances, Jade.

Jade

Dance, schmance. I am so over Seymour! I just miss having someone around who listens. [pause] Someone... like you! [gives Tohru her necklace] Yin and Yang. Big and small. You and me.

Valmont

Good evening.

Jackie

What do you want?!

Valmont

Shh! You will wake Shendu!

Jackie

He's napping?

Valmont

I rendered him unconscious, now please! You must help me! I want him exorcised!

Jade

Tch. Like we're gonna help Shendu get in shape?

Jade

Jackie!

Valmont

I'm not sure who to root for! [Jade punches Valmont angrily] ...Go Jackie.

Jade

Go Valmont.

Valmont

And ruin my Italian shoes?

Jade

And keep Shendu for a roomate?

Bai Tza

[as Uncle begins the Chi Spell] The Chi Wizard! [the Chi Spell launches and hits Bai Tza] NO!

Jade

[filming from the front of the boat] Ooh! Fish fry! [she is suddenly caught in the crossfire of the Chi Spell, and lifted from the boat] Whoa!

Jackie

Jade!

Jade

[flying with the beam of the spell] JACKIE! Whoa!

Jackie

Uncle! We have to get Jade! You have to reopen the portal!

[tosses his Chi equipment aside] The Chi Spell has sealed the portal, like it has sealed all the others...forever... [begins to cry]

Bai Tza

Now about the Eighth Door, Shendu, it is the portal of your banishment. Only you may pass through it.

That once was true Bai Tza, but now that I am a spirit, my portal is vacant, waiting to be filled by others.

Tso Lan

You mean another. Only one may pass through each portal.

Xiao Fung

That is the rule.

...Do you think I have been dallying here?! [holds up a phone book] I have discovered a spell, uh which will keep the portal open until the last of you is free! In fact, I was just preparing to journey to it when you called. Hak Foo! Bring me- [the Pan'Ku Box is being lifted away by Jackie] THE PAN'KU BOX?!

Hak Foo

Shark snatches bait! [leaps for the box]

Bai Tza

What shark?

Xiao Fung

What is he talking about?

Jade

[whipsers brightfully] Jackie!

Bai Tza

Shendu, what is happening?!

Uhh, Hak Foo always sounds the gong as we take our leave. Which reminds me...[begins to cover up the mirror] See you all at my portal! [covers the mirror]

Bai Tza

Shendu!

Can he be trusted?

Of course not!

Xiao Fung

Yet we have no other options.

Tso Lan

But all of eternity to punish him, should he again deceive us.

Jade

[looking for her camera] Where's my camera?

Hsi Wu

[holding the camera up] Oh Jade...say "Chi Spell"!

Hsi Wu

[flying to the other Demons with Jade] Brothers and sisters, I bring you the mortal called, Jade! [Jade gasps]

Mmmm, yummy!

Jade

Uhh, if you think you're all getting out, well I hate to break it to you, but Shendu's lying. [the Demons begin to murmur amongst themselves] Only one of you can go through the portal. End of story.

How do you know?

Jade

Uncle told me.

Bai Tza

The Chi Wizard!

Tso Lan

So Shendu did deceive us.

Xiao Fung

There's a surprise.

Jade

So, uh, which one of you is it gonna be?

Xiao Fung

Surely there must be a civil way to resolve this.

Tso Lan

Like what? Alphabetical order?

Bai Tza

The portal!

Every demon for himself!

Age before beauty.

Jade

Hsi Wu. One goes through, that's the rule. [blows him a kiss before jumping into the portal which subsequently seals]

Hsi Wu

No!

Jade

[mid-air] Whoa [lands in Jackie's arms after emerging from the portal] Did you miss me?

Jackie

[sarcastic tone] Not at all.

Jade

[while smiling contently] Tch.

Jade

[as her parents answer the door] Surprise!

Jade!

Jade

Mom! Dad!

Jackie

Hope you don't mind us dropping in uninvited.

Cousin Jackie, it's so good to see you again!

You have been such a wonderful role model for Jade.

Jackie

Oh well, thank you- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

You take credit for my good influence?!

Uncle!

Jade

Tch. Is Uncle everyone's uncle?

He is actually our cousin... aren't you? [Jackie and Uncle look at each other in confusion]

Jade

Shendu's alive?! I gotta tell... [looks to see Jackie, who has a long ponytail sweeping the streets] ...Jackie? [runs to him] What did you do to your hair? What are you doing?

Jackie

[grunts in frustration] Your job!

Jade

Sweeping dragon doo?

Jackie

Where have you been, Jade? Where's your uniform?

Jade

Um, why exactly do we have to wear uniforms?

Jackie

Because it is required for all servants of the supreme ruler, his majestic highness, Lord Shendu.

Jade

Are you telling me Shendu rules the world?!

Jackie

Oh of course not! Each of the Eight Emperors has his or her own domain!

Jade

Since when?!

Jackie

Since the dawn of history! What is wrong with you today?

Jade

Jackie? Jackie, where'd you- [Jackie grabs her]

Jackie

Today, you must scrub master's bath chamber. [gives Jade a scrubbing brush]

Jade

No way. [tosses brush away]

Jackie

Then, fill his tub with fresh muck. [gives Jade a bucket of muck]

Jade

Ew! [gags]

Jackie

And it's talons day. So don't forget to trim master's toenails. [holding a large set of clippers]

Jade

Jackie! Listen to me! I don't work for Shendu, and neither do you! Demons don't rule the world, humans do! The demons were banished into the Netherworld by the Eight Immortals a long time ago, then they got out and we banished them again, but Shendu possessed you, found this magic book, changed the past, and now none of that ever happened!

Jackie

...That's crazy, Jade. You're crazy! Humans ruling the world...

[as Jade approaches him on his throne] Why do you not bow?!

Jackie

Oh, your scaliness! [bowing] Please excuse my slow-witted niece! [Shendu picks him up by his ponytail]

If she were not excused, she would be in flames! NOW FETCH MY DINNER! [drops him]

Jackie

[bowing intensely] Yes master!

Jade

[nervously] Jackie?

Jackie

[holding a platter of grubs; clears throat] Tasty treats, for his glorious excellence!

[eating from the platter] What a good slave you make, Jackie Chan.

My joy is to serve you, master!

Jade

[rushing out of the Throne Room; throws down the clippers] Gross!

Jackie

You forgot master's clippings.

Jade

Jackie, there is no way I'm ever going near his feet again! And Shendu treats you like a dog on a leash! I can't stand it!

Jackie

Well what could I do? I'm just a food servant. His slave.

Jade

The Jackie Chan I knew was nobody's whippping boy... he was a hero!