Jade Clones quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

No way!

Drew got a tattoo?!

Jade

Hmmm...yeah. Been thinking I might get one of those.

Drew

[laughs] Oh, yeah. Sure Jade. Like you're dig-in-the-dirt-with-tiny-brushes-Uncle Jackie would ever let you get a tattoo!

Jade

[defensive] He would so let me, Drew! By tomorrow, I'm gonna have the gnarliest tattoo in the history of...gnarl!

Jade

Hey Jackie, how was your trip, have you lost weight, can I get a tattoo?

Jackie

[chuckling] My trip was- A TATTOO?!

Jade

Please Jackie? All the kids at school are-

Jackie

No.

Jade

But-

Jackie

No!

Jade

But-

Jackie

No.

Jade

But-

Jackie

No tattoos for Jade. Period!

Jackie

Jade?

Jade

Huh?

Jackie

Why are you wearing snow boots?

Jade

Heard it might snow?

Jackie

Oh, it's 72 degrees out. [begins to remove one boot]

Jade

AVALANCHE! [Jackie looks behind him, she places her now exposed foot in her backpack as he looks back at her] Heh, false alarm.

Jackie

[turns her foot to reveal the tattoo she made] Jade, wash this off, right now!

Jade

Err...tried that.

Jackie

What? It's a real tattoo?!

Jade

By accident!

[walks in] How can you get a tattoo by acci-[sees the symbol on her foot and gasps in horror]

Jade

See Jackie? Total control. They do what I tell them, and I only tell them to do good. So can I keep 'em?

Jackie

No, Jade!

Jade

Aw...why not?

Jackie

Because you're turning blue!

Jade

Blue's my favorite color. Besides, we gave Tohru a chance!

Jackie

Tohru is human! Now, I want you to make them go away, until Uncle can find a-

Huh-cha! I have found a potion that will make Jade's tattoo vanish!

Jade

But I like my tattoo! You can't do this to me!

Jackie

It's for your own safety, Jade.

Now sit still, while I apply the potion. [leans to apply the potion, only to have the tattoo violently react]

Jade

Do not touch me! I am, and shall remain, Queen of the Shadowkhan!

Captain Black

Valmont and his cronies have been spotted in Florida, near Cape Canaveral.

Jackie

I'm on my way.

Jade

[suddenly appears] Hey! Going on a mission, Jackie?

Jackie

Uh, no! It's not a mission, it's uh, a conference on Feng Shui!

Captain Black

In Minnesota!

Jackie

Want to come?

Jade

Umm, I would Jackie, but you know I have that new science project to cook up.

Jade

[surprises Jackie] Hi Jackie!

Jackie

Jade!

Jade

[her space suit is draping over her] Check out the monkey-suit. Literally.

Jackie

But, how did you-

Jade

[holds up the Rabbit Talisman] Speed Talisman. Fastest way to get to...Minnesota?

Tso Lan, so good to see you.

Tso Lan

Skip the pleasantries, Shendu. I am interested only in seizing control of the Moon's gravity, so that I may pull the ball from its orbit.

Jade

But- But that'll wreck all of Earth's ecosystems!

How do you know?

Jade

I watch the Science Network! [Ratso blows a raspberry at Jade]

Tso Lan

The child is correct. And only then will Earth's landscape be to my liking.

Whoa! He wants to kabosh the planet!

And you made us let him out?!

Just be glad you are up here.

Jackie

[after banishing Tso Lan] So long, Tso Lan.

Jade

[jumping along the Moon's surface] My science project is gonna rock! [does the moon dance]

Jackie! [Jackie jumps in surprise, dropping the armor he's carrying] You are too loud!

Jackie

Uncle, you are the one who's yelling!

[gasp] You dishonor the only known existing relic of the Eight Immortals!

Jackie

Ye-eh-You caused me to drop it!

[gasp] You dishonor your Uncle!

Jade

[very sleepy] Hey Jackie...

Jackie

Jade, what are you doing up?

Jade

"Old Yeller" is keeping us all up. He hasn't slept in days!

Tohru! Where is my tea?!

[sleeping standing up and holding tea] Er, what? [falls asleep again, pouring tea on the floor]

Aiya!

Jackie

Uncle, why won't you sleep?

Because, I have demons on the brain! I lay down, and all I hear is "Chi spell! Chi spell! Chi spell!"

Jackie

Have you tried counting sheep?

Demons always eat them.

Jackie

Well...thank you for watching Jade. [proceeds to leave]

Where are you going?! We must study the Immortal's Armor and discover what magic it holds!

Jackie

Now? It is 3 AM Uncle. You should really try to sleep. [cell phone rings]

How can I sleep with all this noise?!

Jackie

[answers phone] Yes?

Captain Black

Jackie, we've spotted the Dark Hand.

Jackie

I'm on my way!

Captain Black

Care to know where you're going?

Jackie

I don't care. Anywhere but here.

Captain Black

Okay...

Jackie

....[hangs up phone] Uncle, I'm off to Spain! I will call you for the Chi spell, once I find out what Demon we're dealing with. [begins to leave fast]

Take the armor, it could be of some use!

Jackie

But you have to discover what magic it holds!

How can I do that if you take it with you?!

Jade! TV is too loud!

STILL too loud!

I can hear the electricity in the wires! UNPLUG!

Jade

I wish there was a way to unplug Uncle...

Jade! The books are laughing at me!

Jade

[to herself] Not for long. [to Uncle] Tea, dear Uncle?

Yes. Ha-cha! [sits and takes a sip of the tea] BAGH! Jade! This tea tastes like it was brewed with beard of goat! [sips again] One more thing! It is bitter! One more thing! It is cold! One more thing! [falls asleep]

Jade

[gasps; before making sure her sleeping spell worked] Ha-cha!

[upon finding a fissure] Earthquake?

Jade

Earth Demon.

Jade

Here comes my favorite part! [mouths Dai Gui's scream]

NO!

Jackie

How are you feeling, Uncle?

Very well, thank you...except for the Demon screaming in my face! One more thing! I told you the armor was good armor! One more thing! You should never question Uncle!

You should have made Uncle's tea stronger. He is still cranky.

Jade

I don't think there's enough tea in China to simmer Uncle down. But I'll take Mr. Sourpuss over Mr. Happypants any old day!

Drew

Hey, Jade, going to the spring dance Friday night?

Jade

Eh, was thinking about it.

Drew

Who are you gonna go with? A ninja? Or do you only fight them?

Jade

You're a riot, Drew.

Hsi Wu

[disguised as Seymour] Hey, Drew, who are you gonna go with? Your mother?

Drew

No...I... [children laugh at Drew]

Mama's boy.