Bai Tza quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Bai Tza

Your spells may have quelled my siblings...but I am the slippery one!

Bai Tza

Welcome to my world, Chan!

Once I make Jackie Chan pay, I shall tear that buffoon Valmont to pieces-!

SILENCE! The only future you have is here with us, brother!

Xiao Fung

Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin!

"Torment"? "Eternal"?!

Tso Lan

To punish your betrayal, Shendu. You chose to spend your time ruling China.

Bai Tza

While we withered in this bone-dry pit!

Hsi Wu

Bored out of our wits all those centuries, each exactly like the one before it!

You never even attempted to free us!

[nervously] I... your rescue was in the planning stages, but I became imprisoned in a statue-

Excuses! You desired the earthly realm for you alone! [strikes Shendu with lightning]

Hsi Wu

A shame you never learned to share, brother.

No, wait! I can free you!

Bai Tza

Do not toy with us! The doorways can only be opened from the other side.

The human side.

Precisely. As the humble spirit you now see before you, I am free to cross over and possess any human I wish, enabling me to undo the sacred spells that keep you here... if you so deem it.

So, I trust you would agree that my, err... martyrdom has left a void for a new, stronger evil to fill - namely you, my brothers and sisters. Shall I proceed, then?

Gah! What trick is this?!

Hsi Wu

You have proven crafty, brother. So we require a safety measure.

Bai Tza

Our spell will keep you bound within a human of your choosing, until you release us.

Xiao Fung

A precaution, so that we know exactly where to find you!

Tso Lan

In the event we deem it necessary to resume your eternal torment.

I accept your terms. I will choose my vessel well to best serve you. And the human most capable for this task is my nemesis: Jackie Chan!

[as Bai Tza is lreleased] Whoa. Fish out of water.

Bai Tza

At last! Liberation! And now for some libation...which will require moister climes than this!

Ah ah ah! Now that I have opened the last portal, sister Bai Tza, it is time to liberate me from my prison of flesh!

[grabs Shendu] You DARE request your freedom?!

Have I not earned it?! As promised, I have released all of our brothers and sisters!

Bai Tza

How curious then, THAT SIX DEMON SORCERORS REMAIN TRAPPED IN THE VOID! I should obliderate you on their behalf!

I held my part of the bargain! You cannot blame me for the meddlings of Jackie Chan!

Valmont

Good madame, free me of Shendu, I beg you. Look what he did to my head! [Bai Tza grabs him]

Bai Tza

My answer to you, and my sniveling brother remains...no! [drops him]

Ohh, nasty piranha!

Bai Tza

You!

Him? [indicating to Ratso, before he's grabbed] Heh, hey. You're a fish, I'm Finn! We're sympetico!

Bai Tza

DIrect me to a suitable new empire!

Uh, mi casa es su casa, your amphibiousness!

Bai Tza

A FISH cannery?!

I see your point. Well, there's lots of nice places here in San Fran. And it's all by the water.

Yeah! Great town!

Oh, except for the quakes.

Bai Tza

Earthquakes?

Uh, that's right. The San Andreas Fault runs right through downtown. Better idea, you should move to the East Coast!

Bai Tza

Very well, your San Fran shall be the cradle of my new undersea empire!

Uh, but isn't your new undersea empire supposed to be...you know...

Undersea?

Bai Tza

And so it shall be, once I sink this city!

Bai Tza

[as Uncle begins the Chi Spell] The Chi Wizard! [the Chi Spell launches and hits Bai Tza] NO!

Jade

[filming from the front of the boat] Ooh! Fish fry! [she is suddenly caught in the crossfire of the Chi Spell, and lifted from the boat] Whoa!

Jackie

Jade!

Jade

[flying with the beam of the spell] JACKIE! Whoa!

Jackie

Uncle! We have to get Jade! You have to reopen the portal!

[tosses his Chi equipment aside] The Chi Spell has sealed the portal, like it has sealed all the others...forever... [begins to cry]

Bai Tza

Now about the Eighth Door, Shendu, it is the portal of your banishment. Only you may pass through it.

That once was true Bai Tza, but now that I am a spirit, my portal is vacant, waiting to be filled by others.

Tso Lan

You mean another. Only one may pass through each portal.

Xiao Fung

That is the rule.

...Do you think I have been dallying here?! [holds up a phone book] I have discovered a spell, uh which will keep the portal open until the last of you is free! In fact, I was just preparing to journey to it when you called. Hak Foo! Bring me- [the Pan'Ku Box is being lifted away by Jackie] THE PAN'KU BOX?!

Hak Foo

Shark snatches bait! [leaps for the box]

Bai Tza

What shark?

Xiao Fung

What is he talking about?

Jade

[whipsers brightfully] Jackie!

Bai Tza

Shendu, what is happening?!

Uhh, Hak Foo always sounds the gong as we take our leave. Which reminds me...[begins to cover up the mirror] See you all at my portal! [covers the mirror]

Bai Tza

Shendu!

Can he be trusted?

Of course not!

Xiao Fung

Yet we have no other options.

Tso Lan

But all of eternity to punish him, should he again deceive us.

Hsi Wu

[flying to the other Demons with Jade] Brothers and sisters, I bring you the mortal called, Jade! [Jade gasps]

Mmmm, yummy!

Jade

Uhh, if you think you're all getting out, well I hate to break it to you, but Shendu's lying. [the Demons begin to murmur amongst themselves] Only one of you can go through the portal. End of story.

How do you know?

Jade

Uncle told me.

Bai Tza

The Chi Wizard!

Tso Lan

So Shendu did deceive us.

Xiao Fung

There's a surprise.

Jade

So, uh, which one of you is it gonna be?

Xiao Fung

Surely there must be a civil way to resolve this.

Tso Lan

Like what? Alphabetical order?

Bai Tza

The portal!

Every demon for himself!

Age before beauty.

Jade

Hsi Wu. One goes through, that's the rule. [blows him a kiss before jumping into the portal which subsequently seals]

Hsi Wu

No!

Jade

[mid-air] Whoa [lands in Jackie's arms after emerging from the portal] Did you miss me?

Jackie

[sarcastic tone] Not at all.

Jade

[while smiling contently] Tch.

Stop!

Hsi Wu

What is it now, Shendu?

Admittedly, I have failed you, my siblings. [is struck by lightning again] But I may yet save you as well! We can all regain our freedom, and even reclaim the centuries wasted in this void, if you allow me to pursue one last recourse.

Humph! And that would be?

The Book of Ages.

Ludicrous!

Hsi Wu

Even we never dared to tamper with that!

Bai Tza

You risk altering the very fabric of reality!

Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

Hmm... These are desparate times.

Then I will make things right. All you need do is allow me to once more depart from this realm and possess a human. The right human.

[recovering the Ox Talisman] CHAN!

So he is behind this!

Tso Lan

And things were going so well...

Bai Tza

We were almost even beginning to like you, brother.

What do you mean? I was just coming to visit-

Hsi Wu? He has been banished to the Netherworld!

[distorted] Hey-hey-hey-hey! I'm Marlon Moose!

Technology? The child!

Tso Lan

She somehow escaped the historical alterations!

Bai Tza

And if she knows the history that was...

Then Chan now knows of the Book!