Daolon Wong quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Daolon Wong

[at a dog show] Which is the beast that I seek? If I destroy all of them, one would remain standing; the one which holds the power of immortality!

Daolon Wong

Bah, humbug!

Daolon Wong

Step aside, wizard! Your tepid spells cannot stop me!

Be warned! I was a student of Chi Master Fong!

Daolon Wong

And I am Daolon Wong, the Dark Master who defeated Fong!

[gasp] You will PAY for that!

Daolon Wong

Hand over the girl!

Jade

Come and get me! [blows a raspberry at Daolon Wong, resulting in her activating the Dragon Talisman's power from her mouth]

[coming upon a large idol of three stone monkeys] There!

Jade

Whoa! Mt. Chimpmore.

The great idol of the Three Wise Monkeys. Legend tells that it is filled with Dark Chi.

Jackie

The idol is evil?

No. Three Wise Monkeys are guardians. Good wizards sealed the Dark Chi within them looking ago, so that humanity may neither see, hear, nor speak of such evil. [shudders] Oh.

What is it, sensei?

The willies!

Daolon Wong

[suddenly appearing] No doubt the forces of light have summoned you here, since I possess the only existing map.

Jackie

Daolon Wong!

Jade

The anti-Uncle!

Daolon Wong

[taking the Talismans] ... and Monkey makes twelve. [suddenly grabbed by Ratso]

We'll take those.

Who are you anyway?

Ooh ooh, I know! He's the drummer from KISS!

Chan!

Daolon Wong

Retrieve the Talismans!

What he said!

Valmont

Well?

Uhhh...

That thing about making us partners? Don't worry about it.

Valmont

If I were employing you, I would fire you!

Daolon Wong

[steps from behind a corner] You three! I require your assistance.

...So what's the gig pay?

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui!

You're orange!

You're bald!

Freaky...

Daolon Wong

Bow before me, Dark Chi warriors.

Finn don't bow to no- [Daolon forces them to bow using Chi magic]

Daolon Wong

You are no longer mortal men, but powerful servants enslaved to do my bidding.

Valmont

Now see here! Finn, Ratso, and Chow are my servants, and I will thank you not to- [Daolon Wong traps Valmont in the ground up to his neck] AH! Hey!

Daolon Wong

[detects a Talisman power] Ah, it would seem good fortune is mine, for one of the Talisman powers remains near. Come my warriors. [transports himself away]

Where'd he go? [the Dark Enforcers are transported away, leaving Valmont behind]

Valmont

Wait! You can't just leave me here! Release me at once!

Chan had a masked crime fighter with him, your worship!

The sun was in our eyes!

We need bigger weapons!

Daolon Wong

Excuses, excuses! I see that if I wish this task accomplished, I must do it myself!

That's cool. We'll wait here, rest up, order some Chi pizza...

Daolon Wong

You are in my soup!

Our locator spells have intersected.

Daolon Wong

I will seize control of the chi waves, novice. My power is far greater...

Eeee-Ya! [Casts a Chi spell which results in a repetitive feedback image]

One more thing.[blows raspberry] One more thing. [blows raspberry] One more thing...

[lowering the Shapeshifting Monkey into the Kilauea volcano] Uh oh, my simian senses are tingling!

Jade

We want our monkey, monkey!

Oh, it's all about him isn't it?! You think he's funnier than me, don't you?!

Jackie

Uh, of course not! Everyone knows that the Money King is the funniest ape of all.

I do not think he's so funny- [elbowed by Jade]

Well you'll really love my weird sense of humor when you and monkey-boy are swimming in lava, 'cause I'm gonna make Kilauea blow sky-high!

The Monkey King cannot activate volcanoes!

Just watch me, gramps! I know a family recipe! [begins tossing ingredients into the lava pit] Magic monkey syrup, pure cane sugar, one carton of aged goat milk- EEGH! [Daolon Wong appears behind the Monkey King] An untuned Hawaiian guitar, a fine tuned tuning fork, a tuna on rye, hold the mayo-

Daolon Wong

[grabs the Monkey King] Talisman power, be mine!

Paws off the fur, Shakespeare! I'm busy here!

Jade

Never thought I'd be rooting for Daolon Wong over anybody. [they start to run, only to be trapped by Daolon Wong] On second thought, go Monkey King.

Daolon Wong

Monkey King?

Daolon Wong

Aah, I should have recognized the antics of the famed prankster puppet made flesh.

Daolon Wong

So, why do I see no lava?

Huh? [goes over his ingredients list again; gasp] I'm still three pounds of wood short of a gusher!

Daolon Wong

Then for your lousy spell-making, you shall return to wood! [casts a Chi spell on the Monkey King]

[turning into a puppet] EVERYONE'S A CRITIC!

Big-D!

Hiya!

We're pumped for round two!

Daolon Wong

I have no further use for those who allow themselves to be waylaid by unconscious livestock!

So... we're free to go?

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui! [summons the Dark Enforcers]

Hey football!

Bonding time, eh Big-D?

[hugging Daolon] We knew you were one of us!