Valmont quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Valmont

[infusing the Dragon Talisman to his hand] Puff, the Magic Dragon...

Valmont

Jackie Chan! Finally, we meet. [holding up the Dragon Talisman] It was nice knowing you.

Valmont

[after the Pan'ku Box closes] Tell me someone wrote that down...anyone?

Valmont

[after Jade is discovered to have followed them] So this is why your niece is always with you, and here I just thought you were horribly irresponsible!

[laughing playfully while hitting tassles] Tassles! I never realized what pleasure they can give.

[clawing through a wall] Here's Tabby!

Young Valmont

[after rendering Uncle unconscious] My first act of megavillany! This is an exhilarating moment!

Valmont

You are telling me one man stopped you?

Uh, yes, but-

Valmont

Three of my enforcers armed with high-tech weapons were defeated by an... archaeologist?

Did we mention he had windshield wipers?

Mr. Valmont, sir. It didn't go quite as planned.

Valmont

Regale me.

[lying] Well, we stomped Chan-

-Stomped him good!

But we didn't see any talisman.

Valmont

You will be punished.

Chan possesses yet another Talisman, while I have none?! You are weak, Valmont! And your men are fools!

That's it! I ain't taking no more lip from a statue! [proceeds to pull out a handgun]

I am no statue! You stand in the presence of a Demon Sorcerer! I once held dominion over a vast empire, but my subjects betrayed me. They cast a Chi spell which imprisoned me in this pitiful icon, where I have remained for 900 years! The twelve magic Talismans, from which I drew my power, were scattered to the winds.

Whoa.

You got jacked.

Acquisition of all the Talismans, will allow me to be free of my confinement, and walk the Earth once again.

Valmont

At which point we will be rewarded the lost treasure of Ching Xi Hung. Well worth taking a little lip, don't you think?

Valmont

You know, Shendu, these Talisman expeditions, let's just say are raking up some hefty out of pocket expenses. And as of yet, there's nothing coming back into my pocket!

When and only when your men acquire all twelve Talismans, the lost Treasure of Ching Xi Hung shall cover your...expenses...ten thousand times over.

Valmont

The reputed lost treasure.

Ah, so we have a skeptic.

Patience, Valmont. Slow and steady wins the race.

Valmont, your men are supposed to acquire Talismans! Not sell pets!

Valmont

Perhaps if you'd given fair consideration to the advance I requested, none of this would have-

WHOA! I did not know he could do that!

Valmont? Where is the Dragon talisman?

Valmont

My men are on it.

Your men could not find their own shadows, and your incompetence continues to stupefy me.

Valmont

Oh? I'll stupefy you- [the Shadowkhan appear around him]

Temper, Valmont...

Valmont

The arrogance of that over-sized lawn ornament.

Valmont! Check it out! [holding up the Dragon Talisman]

Valmont

You actually did your job? Imagine!

You're not stoked?

Valmont

[angrily] I'm absolutely giddy! [hurls the Dragon talisman into the wall, which activates the power, blasting a hole in the ceiling]

Valmont, you are da bomb! Pun totally intended.

Hey, ain't ole dragon breath gonna start wondering where his rock is?

Valmont

Pity. It's doing wonders for our cash flow.

One more heist, Big V?

Valmont

One for the history books.