Dai Gui quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Dai Gui does not like flowers!

Shendu, and his accursed Talismans!

Once I make Jackie Chan pay, I shall tear that buffoon Valmont to pieces-!

SILENCE! The only future you have is here with us, brother!

Xiao Fung

Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin!

"Torment"? "Eternal"?!

Tso Lan

To punish your betrayal, Shendu. You chose to spend your time ruling China.

Bai Tza

While we withered in this bone-dry pit!

Hsi Wu

Bored out of our wits all those centuries, each exactly like the one before it!

You never even attempted to free us!

[nervously] I... your rescue was in the planning stages, but I became imprisoned in a statue-

Excuses! You desired the earthly realm for you alone! [strikes Shendu with lightning]

Hsi Wu

A shame you never learned to share, brother.

No, wait! I can free you!

Bai Tza

Do not toy with us! The doorways can only be opened from the other side.

The human side.

Precisely. As the humble spirit you now see before you, I am free to cross over and possess any human I wish, enabling me to undo the sacred spells that keep you here... if you so deem it.

Jade

Here comes my favorite part! [mouths Dai Gui's scream]

NO!

Bai Tza

Now about the Eighth Door, Shendu, it is the portal of your banishment. Only you may pass through it.

That once was true Bai Tza, but now that I am a spirit, my portal is vacant, waiting to be filled by others.

Tso Lan

You mean another. Only one may pass through each portal.

Xiao Fung

That is the rule.

...Do you think I have been dallying here?! [holds up a phone book] I have discovered a spell, uh which will keep the portal open until the last of you is free! In fact, I was just preparing to journey to it when you called. Hak Foo! Bring me- [the Pan'Ku Box is being lifted away by Jackie] THE PAN'KU BOX?!

Hak Foo

Shark snatches bait! [leaps for the box]

Bai Tza

What shark?

Xiao Fung

What is he talking about?

Jade

[whipsers brightfully] Jackie!

Bai Tza

Shendu, what is happening?!

Uhh, Hak Foo always sounds the gong as we take our leave. Which reminds me...[begins to cover up the mirror] See you all at my portal! [covers the mirror]

Bai Tza

Shendu!

Can he be trusted?

Of course not!

Xiao Fung

Yet we have no other options.

Tso Lan

But all of eternity to punish him, should he again deceive us.

Hsi Wu

[flying to the other Demons with Jade] Brothers and sisters, I bring you the mortal called, Jade! [Jade gasps]

Mmmm, yummy!

Jade

Uhh, if you think you're all getting out, well I hate to break it to you, but Shendu's lying. [the Demons begin to murmur amongst themselves] Only one of you can go through the portal. End of story.

How do you know?

Jade

Uncle told me.

Bai Tza

The Chi Wizard!

Tso Lan

So Shendu did deceive us.

Xiao Fung

There's a surprise.

Jade

So, uh, which one of you is it gonna be?

Xiao Fung

Surely there must be a civil way to resolve this.

Tso Lan

Like what? Alphabetical order?

Bai Tza

The portal!

Every demon for himself!

Age before beauty.

Jade

Hsi Wu. One goes through, that's the rule. [blows him a kiss before jumping into the portal which subsequently seals]

Hsi Wu

No!

Jade

[mid-air] Whoa [lands in Jackie's arms after emerging from the portal] Did you miss me?

Jackie

[sarcastic tone] Not at all.

Jade

[while smiling contently] Tch.

[after Shendu's portal closes] That, is number eight.

Tso Lan

Which would make us fresh out of portals.

Hsi Wu

[filming Shendu with Jade's camera] Say "Chi Spell"!

Perhaps we should seek a...tear in the Time-Space Continuum...

Stop!

Hsi Wu

What is it now, Shendu?

Admittedly, I have failed you, my siblings. [is struck by lightning again] But I may yet save you as well! We can all regain our freedom, and even reclaim the centuries wasted in this void, if you allow me to pursue one last recourse.

Humph! And that would be?

The Book of Ages.

Ludicrous!

Hsi Wu

Even we never dared to tamper with that!

Bai Tza

You risk altering the very fabric of reality!

Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

Hmm... These are desparate times.

Then I will make things right. All you need do is allow me to once more depart from this realm and possess a human. The right human.

[recovering the Ox Talisman] CHAN!

So he is behind this!

Tso Lan

And things were going so well...

Bai Tza

We were almost even beginning to like you, brother.

What do you mean? I was just coming to visit-

Hsi Wu? He has been banished to the Netherworld!

[distorted] Hey-hey-hey-hey! I'm Marlon Moose!

Technology? The child!

Tso Lan

She somehow escaped the historical alterations!

Bai Tza

And if she knows the history that was...

Then Chan now knows of the Book!

Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!

Jade

Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."

Now Jackie is the greatest!

YOU! [charges Jade]

Jackie

Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]

The girl!

Jade

[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]

Viper

Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]

[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]

Jade

Hey! No fair!

Now El Toro is the greatest!

Jade

[takes the brush back] Jackie is!

El Toro!

Jade

No, Jackie!

El Toro!

Jade

Jackie!

El Toro!

El Toro!

You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!

Duh!