Jade Clones quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

[catches Jade and Jackie in the library] Get out!

Jade

Uncle?

Only master's library boy is allowed in here!

Jade

Uncle, we need your help! We're looking for a book.

Forbidden! These books are filled with magic! Even I am not allowed to read them!

Jade

The Book of Ages!

Never heard of it.

Jade

Are you sure? [runs off] Maybe it's over here!

[chases her] No it is not!

Jade

How about here?

Not there!

Jade

Well maybe over here!

No. I have been library boy for 60 years! I am sure!

Jade

If the book's not here in Shendu's library, there's only one other place it could be. Australia!

Aiya! No man's land! That continent is forbidden!

Jackie

There is nothing there, Jade. Just a fortress!

Jade

Tch. Fortresses are usually built to protect something, duh.

But it is said that all who approach the fortress will be destroyed.

Jade

Well we have to get inside it somehow!

Why?

Jade

Because Shendu used the Book of Ages to rewrite reality!

[scoffs] That is crazy. You do not believe her, do you?

Jackie

[sighs] There is one thing that I believe. Demons ruling the world is a bad thing.

Jackie

[after his ponytail is sliced off] Ah! My hair!

Jade

You were due for a trim.

Jackie

[after Uncle performs a Chi Spell to vanquish the Shadowkhan] Uncle! You saved our- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

What choice did I have? You are family!

Jade

...A Chi Spell? Thought you weren't allowed to read the forbidden books!

I do not read, I...I skim.

[after shooting Jackie with fire; only to see that Jackie is unharmed] How can it be? [Jackie opens a palm to reveal the Dog Talisman] My Talisman!

Jackie

I'm sorry, I'll give it back, thank you!

[groans in pain] Ohhh...

Jackie

How did I do that?

And why do you not catch fire? [Jackie reveals the Ox Talisman]

Jade

Dog makes you immortal, Ox makes you super strong. What else we got? [reveals the Talismans] Speedy Rabbit, levitating Rooster, invisible Snake, and explosive Dragon. Oh...good ones! [Shendu recovers from the rubble of his bed] Maybe we better not try for the other half dozen.

Jade

[joining Jackie] What's up Mr. Poutysnout?

Jackie

[sigh] I do not belong with these heroes. The Ox made me strong. Without it, I'm-

Jade

Hello? The Talismans never made Jackie Chan a hero, you didn't even like to use them! Courage, brains, and heart are your secret weapons, and you've already got those! All you need is proper training! [stands him up] Jackie, I can teach you what you taught me. You game?

Jackie

...Game.

Jade

Cool! First lesson. The ancient art of butt-whoop starts with breathing. The breath flows to the fingertips, then down to the toes...

Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!

Jade

Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."

Now Jackie is the greatest!

YOU! [charges Jade]

Jackie

Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]

The girl!

Jade

[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]

Viper

Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]

[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]

Jade

Hey! No fair!

Now El Toro is the greatest!

Jade

[takes the brush back] Jackie is!

El Toro!

Jade

No, Jackie!

El Toro!

Jade

Jackie!

El Toro!

El Toro!

You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!

Duh!

Jade!

Jade

Mom! Dad!

Cousin Jackie!

Uncle!

What brings you to Hong Kong?

Hong Kong Moose World! [winks at Jade who winks back]

Jade

Uh, look at the watch Jackie got me!

Moose World? Can I go too?

El Toro Fuerte

What mooses? We were fighting Demo- [is elbowed by Viper]

Viper

Uhhh traffic! We were fighting Hong Kong traffic to visit you.

Jade

So I could show you how much I've learned in America.

We know you have been doing very well there, Jade.

No doubt due to Cousin Jackie's excellent training.

Jackie

In all honesty, it is Jade who sometimes trains me...

Jade

You've been acting all weird lately. [Tohru groans] C'mon, you can tell me! It's Uncle, right? That garlic smell?

It's my mother...

Jade

What? Is she sick, or- ...You have a mom?

Jade

What's so yuck about a visit from your mom?

[sigh] I am the black sheep. All I have ever wanted was for my mother to be proud of me.

Jade

Well, she will be! Look at you! You're handsome, and big, you've got a...you're big!

[upon seeing the antique store] This where you live?! Ugh...you gave up good job with nice Mr. Valmont for this?!

Jade

Nice? Hello, doesn't she know that Valmont's a crook?

No...and please do not tell her.

Aah, my son. A servant in a junk shop!

Junk shop?!

Jade

This is an antique store.

Hah! Only antique I see is the billy goat there! [referring to Uncle]

Billy goat?!

Mommy!

Hushup!

Dragon lady should watch her forked tongue unless she wants a piece of Uncle!

Hah! I would sweep floor with you! And this floor needs it.

Jackie

Jade, how did you get in here?

Jade

Security's lousy.

Jackie

[examining the frozen humanoid] Look at his expression. I wonder what was going through his mind.

Jade

...Look out behind you.

Jackie

Yes! Perhaps!

Jade

No, I mean look out behind you! [Jackie turns to see armed inuits]

[catching Jackie] Need to work on your sneaking around. Inuits can hear footsteps in snow a mile away.

That so?

Jackie

Uncle, Jade! I told you to- [Elder beckons at him with a spear] We are not armed!

Jade

But that doesn't mean we won't go polar on your butt if you don't hand over Dwayne!

Jackie

Jade, please. She means the prehistoric cave creature.

No such creature here.

Oh, so maybe your sister has big feet? [indicating the creature's large footprint in the snow]

[defensive] My sister has tiny feet! She is delicate like a bird!

Jackie

He's no Shaman! That is Peter Bailey, a black marketeer! He steals artifacts and sells them to the highest bidder!

But the Shaman has great powers! He can speak to other shamans across the sea through a magical black box!

Jade

[retrieves cell phone from Jackie's pocket] You mean like this? It's called a cell phone, hello? Everybody's got one back where we come from, except for me! [calls the Antique Store]

Uncle's Antique! Not here! Call back!