Hsi Wu quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Once I make Jackie Chan pay, I shall tear that buffoon Valmont to pieces-!

SILENCE! The only future you have is here with us, brother!

Xiao Fung

Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin!

"Torment"? "Eternal"?!

Tso Lan

To punish your betrayal, Shendu. You chose to spend your time ruling China.

Bai Tza

While we withered in this bone-dry pit!

Hsi Wu

Bored out of our wits all those centuries, each exactly like the one before it!

You never even attempted to free us!

[nervously] I... your rescue was in the planning stages, but I became imprisoned in a statue-

Excuses! You desired the earthly realm for you alone! [strikes Shendu with lightning]

Hsi Wu

A shame you never learned to share, brother.

No, wait! I can free you!

Bai Tza

Do not toy with us! The doorways can only be opened from the other side.

The human side.

Precisely. As the humble spirit you now see before you, I am free to cross over and possess any human I wish, enabling me to undo the sacred spells that keep you here... if you so deem it.

So, I trust you would agree that my, err... martyrdom has left a void for a new, stronger evil to fill - namely you, my brothers and sisters. Shall I proceed, then?

Gah! What trick is this?!

Hsi Wu

You have proven crafty, brother. So we require a safety measure.

Bai Tza

Our spell will keep you bound within a human of your choosing, until you release us.

Xiao Fung

A precaution, so that we know exactly where to find you!

Tso Lan

In the event we deem it necessary to resume your eternal torment.

I accept your terms. I will choose my vessel well to best serve you. And the human most capable for this task is my nemesis: Jackie Chan!

Drew

Hey, Jade, going to the spring dance Friday night?

Jade

Eh, was thinking about it.

Drew

Who are you gonna go with? A ninja? Or do you only fight them?

Jade

You're a riot, Drew.

Hsi Wu

[disguised as Seymour] Hey, Drew, who are you gonna go with? Your mother?

Drew

No...I... [children laugh at Drew]

Mama's boy.

Hsi Wu

What have you done to my tail, sly Uncle?!

Ancient proverb: None of your bees-wax!

Jade

[looking for her camera] Where's my camera?

Hsi Wu

[holding the camera up] Oh Jade...say "Chi Spell"!

Hsi Wu

[flying to the other Demons with Jade] Brothers and sisters, I bring you the mortal called, Jade! [Jade gasps]

Mmmm, yummy!

Jade

Uhh, if you think you're all getting out, well I hate to break it to you, but Shendu's lying. [the Demons begin to murmur amongst themselves] Only one of you can go through the portal. End of story.

How do you know?

Jade

Uncle told me.

Bai Tza

The Chi Wizard!

Tso Lan

So Shendu did deceive us.

Xiao Fung

There's a surprise.

Jade

So, uh, which one of you is it gonna be?

Xiao Fung

Surely there must be a civil way to resolve this.

Tso Lan

Like what? Alphabetical order?

Bai Tza

The portal!

Every demon for himself!

Age before beauty.

Jade

Hsi Wu. One goes through, that's the rule. [blows him a kiss before jumping into the portal which subsequently seals]

Hsi Wu

No!

Jade

[mid-air] Whoa [lands in Jackie's arms after emerging from the portal] Did you miss me?

Jackie

[sarcastic tone] Not at all.

Jade

[while smiling contently] Tch.

[after Shendu's portal closes] That, is number eight.

Tso Lan

Which would make us fresh out of portals.

Hsi Wu

[filming Shendu with Jade's camera] Say "Chi Spell"!

Perhaps we should seek a...tear in the Time-Space Continuum...

Stop!

Hsi Wu

What is it now, Shendu?

Admittedly, I have failed you, my siblings. [is struck by lightning again] But I may yet save you as well! We can all regain our freedom, and even reclaim the centuries wasted in this void, if you allow me to pursue one last recourse.

Humph! And that would be?

The Book of Ages.

Ludicrous!

Hsi Wu

Even we never dared to tamper with that!

Bai Tza

You risk altering the very fabric of reality!

Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

Hmm... These are desparate times.

Then I will make things right. All you need do is allow me to once more depart from this realm and possess a human. The right human.

Hsi Wu

What? No music while I bathe? Sing for me, my little caged songbird.

Viper

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