Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

[after his ponytail is sliced off] Ah! My hair!

Jade

You were due for a trim.

Jackie

[after Uncle performs a Chi Spell to vanquish the Shadowkhan] Uncle! You saved our- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

What choice did I have? You are family!

Jade

...A Chi Spell? Thought you weren't allowed to read the forbidden books!

I do not read, I...I skim.

[after shooting Jackie with fire; only to see that Jackie is unharmed] How can it be? [Jackie opens a palm to reveal the Dog Talisman] My Talisman!

Jackie

I'm sorry, I'll give it back, thank you!

[groans in pain] Ohhh...

Jackie

How did I do that?

And why do you not catch fire? [Jackie reveals the Ox Talisman]

Jade

Dog makes you immortal, Ox makes you super strong. What else we got? [reveals the Talismans] Speedy Rabbit, levitating Rooster, invisible Snake, and explosive Dragon. Oh...good ones! [Shendu recovers from the rubble of his bed] Maybe we better not try for the other half dozen.

Jade

[joining Jackie] What's up Mr. Poutysnout?

Jackie

[sigh] I do not belong with these heroes. The Ox made me strong. Without it, I'm-

Jade

Hello? The Talismans never made Jackie Chan a hero, you didn't even like to use them! Courage, brains, and heart are your secret weapons, and you've already got those! All you need is proper training! [stands him up] Jackie, I can teach you what you taught me. You game?

Jackie

...Game.

Jade

Cool! First lesson. The ancient art of butt-whoop starts with breathing. The breath flows to the fingertips, then down to the toes...

[blocking Shendu's heat beams] Jackie, help Uncle search! Stop fooling!

Jackie

Fooling?! [shows Uncle's Dog Talisman] I'm not immortal!

Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!

Jade

Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."

Now Jackie is the greatest!

YOU! [charges Jade]

Jackie

Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]

The girl!

Jade

[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]

Viper

Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]

[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]

Jade

Hey! No fair!

Now El Toro is the greatest!

Jade

[takes the brush back] Jackie is!

El Toro!

Jade

No, Jackie!

El Toro!

Jade

Jackie!

El Toro!

El Toro!

You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!

Duh!

Jade!

Jade

Mom! Dad!

Cousin Jackie!

Uncle!

What brings you to Hong Kong?

Hong Kong Moose World! [winks at Jade who winks back]

Jade

Uh, look at the watch Jackie got me!

Moose World? Can I go too?

El Toro Fuerte

What mooses? We were fighting Demo- [is elbowed by Viper]

Viper

Uhhh traffic! We were fighting Hong Kong traffic to visit you.

Jade

So I could show you how much I've learned in America.

We know you have been doing very well there, Jade.

No doubt due to Cousin Jackie's excellent training.

Jackie

In all honesty, it is Jade who sometimes trains me...

Jackie

[answers his phone] Hello?

Captain Black

Hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything, Jackie.

Jackie

Uh, Uncle and Tohru's mom are getting acquainted.

Captain Black

Ah, family time.

[holding a vase] Cheap junk!

[takes vase away] Xing Dynasty!

Captain Black

Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.

Jackie

Believe me, I know.

Captain Black

The Octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese Expo. I'd feel better if you were there to assist with security.

Jackie

Uh, you want me to guard a fish?

Captain Black

Actually, octopuses aren't fish, they're multipods.

Jackie

Octopi...[as Uncle and Mama Tohru continue to bicker] Please, behave!

Captain Black

Sorry, Grammar was never my best subject in school...

Jackie

Oh, you mean the Kyoto Octopus! It is the most famous relic of the Komodo Dynasty.

Captain Black

Intelligence sources that the Yokanawa Crime Family has the octopus in its sights.

Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?

Thought bats could see in the dark.

Jackie

[to Uncle and Mama Tohru] This must stop!

Captain Black

My thinking exactly. I'll set it up. Thanks for your help, Jackie.

Jackie

Jade, how did you get in here?

Jade

Security's lousy.

Jackie

Uncle!

Mommy!

Hey! I said "front door" and to come alone!

I told her! [to Mama Tohru] See?! I told you!

Nyah! Would have lost your way! Near-sighted mule can barely see hook nose in front of his face!

Eyesight good enough to see the hair growing out of that mole!

That is a beauty mark!

Quit the squabbling, and put the fish on the table!

Uhh, boss, technically an octopus is a member of the multipod family, and- [is given a look by his boss] Put the fish on the table!

Jackie

[examining the frozen humanoid] Look at his expression. I wonder what was going through his mind.

Jade

...Look out behind you.

Jackie

Yes! Perhaps!

Jade

No, I mean look out behind you! [Jackie turns to see armed inuits]

[catching Jackie] Need to work on your sneaking around. Inuits can hear footsteps in snow a mile away.

That so?

Jackie

Uncle, Jade! I told you to- [Elder beckons at him with a spear] We are not armed!

Jade

But that doesn't mean we won't go polar on your butt if you don't hand over Dwayne!

Jackie

Jade, please. She means the prehistoric cave creature.

No such creature here.

Oh, so maybe your sister has big feet? [indicating the creature's large footprint in the snow]

[defensive] My sister has tiny feet! She is delicate like a bird!

Jackie

He's no Shaman! That is Peter Bailey, a black marketeer! He steals artifacts and sells them to the highest bidder!

But the Shaman has great powers! He can speak to other shamans across the sea through a magical black box!

Jade

[retrieves cell phone from Jackie's pocket] You mean like this? It's called a cell phone, hello? Everybody's got one back where we come from, except for me! [calls the Antique Store]

Uncle's Antique! Not here! Call back!

Dr. Weber

[examining Jackie's mouth] Well, I'm afraid you're gonna need a complete jaw transplant, Mr. Chan.

Jackie

Huh?!

Dr. Weber

[laughing] Just kidding! You simply have a displaced filling, we'll have you fixed up in no time. Lisa, prepare a shot of novocaine please.

Jackie

Uh... I don't like needles.

Dr. Weber

Oh, well I could drill without numbing you. [brandishes a dental drill]

Jackie

[intimidated] Okay... numb me, please.

I must move closer. Read his mind...

Jackie

[numb speaking] Here is your ticket, Jade.

Jade

It's so cool you're taking me along on this once in a lifetime educational experience, Uncle Jackie!

Three whole days, no school! Yes!

Jackie

[numb speaking; hugging Uncle] I'll miss you Uncle.

I'll miss you Uncle.

Jackie

[numb speaking] And don't worry, I won't forget the curry powder.

You are a good nephew.