Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

Jade, return to the hotel room! [runs off]

Jade

Didn't say, "Please".

Jackie

Hello?

Ah, Jackie! Do not forget curry powder!

Jackie

Okay Uncle, I took care of it. Have to go, bye! [Leaps up; to shopkeeper] Sorry about your shop, send me a bill, thank you! [Runs off]

Jackie

[waking up tied to a chair] Jumba? Ms. Martindale? Dr. Weber? I don't understand!

Oh you will in a moment.

Portia

A little novocaine to ease the pain?

Dr. Weber

[brandishing his dental drill] Don't bother, Portia. Mr. Chan hates needles.

Jackie

Only at your museum. You said they were just a legend.

I lied. You see, the Sutras do very much exist. [Holds Jackie's filling up under a magnifying glass, revealing inscriptions]

Jackie

In my filling!

Magnificent, are they not? A 3000 word incantation, painstakingly inscribed by skilled sorcerers onto a piece of silver no larger than a grain of basmati rice.

Portia

Legend foretells that when the Sutras are returned to the Ganges, the river will dry up.

Jackie

That would be- So, those thieves who have been after me, you've been trying to stop them!

Well, no. Actually, they've been trying to stop us. They are not truly thieves, you see. They are Disciples of Mohajah.

Jackie

Who?

Portia

Oh, a do-gooder-mystic. A psychic. Claims his mission is to protect India from evil magic.

Mohajah suspected I was in possession of the Sutras, and planning to transport them here to India.

Dr. Weber

But none of us could carry the Sutras without the Mohajah knowing it; that mind reading power of his... real nuisance.

Jackie

So you had to find a courier who did not know he was carrying the Sutras. Me.

Portia

We so appreciate your help, Jackie.

Jackie

But that means you want to dry up the Ganges River! Why?

Have you no sense of vision man? Do you not realize what treasures lie on the riverbed? Centuries worth of artifacts; silver, gold, riches beyond measure, there for the taking!

Jackie

Millions of people depend upon the river for farming, and travel, and- Lives will be destroyed!

Portia

Our Jackie's a bit of a sentimentalist. So sweet! But really, one must have priorities. We're talking about the archaeological event of the millennium. If a few people must be inconvenienced... [shrug]

Jackie

You are bad people! All of you!

Yes, soon to be very rich people!

Jade

Hyah! Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!

Jackie

Jade?! I told you to go back to the hotel room!

Jade

Lost my key. Okay, now. Let the Chan Man go.

Portia

Dr. Weber, give the child a lollipop.

Jade

Don't sucker me, sucker!

Jackie

I cannot believe I'm stuck in the jungle with such a spoiled brat.

Jade

You invited me!

Jackie

I was talking about him. [beckons to Smith] Mr. Smith, please. We must stay together. There are many dangers in the bush!

Yes, yes, so you keep saying. [to his butler] Hop to it, Larsen.

Jade

Why don't we ditch Frik and Frak and have some real fun? Go swinging with the monkeys, or wrestle a crocodile! Whaddya say, Big J?

Jackie

I'm sorry Jade, but you must learn that growing up sometimes means having to do things that are not fun.

Jade

Pfft. Like guiding obnoxious jerks through the jungle just because they give lots of money to the museum?

Jackie

Uhhh... yes.

Jade

In that case, I never wanna grow up. [eyes widen] What am I saying? I can't wait to grow up! Get my own car, cellphone- which now that you mention it-

Jackie

I didn't mention it.

Jade

I'm in the woods, I'm tired, cold, and hungry. And I'm being hunted! [shines flashlight on Jackie] Ah!

Jackie

Jade, I thought you were going to gather firewood.

Jade

Hello?! Have you learned nothing from the movies? Whoever gets the firewood is always the creeping terror's first victim.

Jackie

So that's what happened to the other little girl I sent for firewood.

Jade

Very funny.

Perhaps the little monkey is closer than you think. [shows Jackie Chan the Lotus Temple]

Jackie

The Lotus Temple! Are you coming?

I will wait here. I would not want to... intrude.

Jade

Uncle Jackie, the sun's coming up!

Jackie

Good.

Jade

You don't understand! The temple vanishes at dawn, and anyone inside goes with it!

Jackie

How many crazy rules does this temple have?!

Jackie

Incredible.

Jade

Incredibly boring. What kind of lame pyramid is this? No mummy curses, no booby traps, no bonus points.

Jackie

This is not a video game, Jade. This is important research.

It is just as we told El Toro! The Chupacabra attacked our house!

Jackie

And what exactly did the creature look like?

It was giant with glowing red eyes, four fangs, oh claws too, and it howled like this: Arooooo!

Jade

Yup. Sounds like a chimichanga to me.

El Toro

Fear not. The beast is no match against El Toro, the Bull!

Jackie

And El Jackie, th- ...the Chan!

Ghost?

Jade

Kinda. [looking at an old book depicting one of Jackie's ancestors] The ghost of Jackie.

Jackie

[picking up the book] "The Hong Kong Kid".

Aiya! Do not scare Uncle like that!

Jackie

Amazing! The picture looks just like me! This book must be about my great-great grandfather!

Fine, take home. Make good bedtime story.

Jade

I want to hear it now.

Jackie

Me too!

Uncle Jackie?

Uh, I am Jackie.

I am your niece. Just arrived from Hong Kong.

Jade

This is so cool! She's my long lost, great-great something or other! I bet you she looked exactly like me.

Jackie

Uh, actually it says here that the Sheriff's niece was very tall, and fifteen years old.

Jade

Must be a type-o.

You claim a fold-up man stole ze painting, slipped between ze bars, transformed into a bird, and flew away?

Jackie

I'll show you. [takes a page of the inspector's notes, begins folding the paper] He bent like this, folded like that, twisted over, then again, then he looked just like this! [opens his hand to reveal a crumpled ball] Uh, but more bird shaped.

Monsieur Chan, I will thank you not to destroy my notes, si vous plait!