Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Captain Black

Black.

Jackie

Captain Black, I've been trying to reach you for hours!

Captain Black

Sorry, Jackie, company softball game. Guess who hit a home run?

Jackie

You did? Oh, congradula- no!

Jackie

How are you feeling, Uncle?

Very well, thank you...except for the Demon screaming in my face! One more thing! I told you the armor was good armor! One more thing! You should never question Uncle!

You should have made Uncle's tea stronger. He is still cranky.

Jade

I don't think there's enough tea in China to simmer Uncle down. But I'll take Mr. Sourpuss over Mr. Happypants any old day!

This friend of Jade's is too polite.

Jackie

Uncle, Jade finally has a friend her own age. This could keep her away from portals and demons.

Jackie

Uncle, run!

[sitting on top of a water tower, looking around] Where to?

Valmont

Good evening.

Jackie

What do you want?!

Valmont

Shh! You will wake Shendu!

Jackie

He's napping?

Valmont

I rendered him unconscious, now please! You must help me! I want him exorcised!

Jade

Tch. Like we're gonna help Shendu get in shape?

Bai Tza

[as Uncle begins the Chi Spell] The Chi Wizard! [the Chi Spell launches and hits Bai Tza] NO!

Jade

[filming from the front of the boat] Ooh! Fish fry! [she is suddenly caught in the crossfire of the Chi Spell, and lifted from the boat] Whoa!

Jackie

Jade!

Jade

[flying with the beam of the spell] JACKIE! Whoa!

Jackie

Uncle! We have to get Jade! You have to reopen the portal!

[tosses his Chi equipment aside] The Chi Spell has sealed the portal, like it has sealed all the others...forever... [begins to cry]

Jackie

[trying to start the boat] Hurry, Uncle! We must fly to Rome!

Jade is not in Rome, Jackie. She is trapped in the Demon Netherworld.

Oh why couldn't it have been me?

Jackie

[grunts in frustration] There must be something we can do, Uncle! A counterspell! A stronger spell! SOME WAY TO- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

I cannot think with all your noise! [in deep thought] The Eighth Door!

Jackie

Uncle?

We have permanently sealed seven portals belonging to seven Demon Sorcerors, but not the one belonging to Shendu! It is Jade's only hope of escape from the Demon Realm...

Jade awaits us

Jackie

We must open the portal immediately

So that is why you wanted the box! Well, I assure you Chan.. The only thing emerging from my portal will be a demon!

Hak Foo

Gorilla Grip!

Jackie

[stops for breath and looks defeated] Jade....

Jackie! There is more than one way to skin a cat! [throws Jackie a sword] And two ways to open a portal! [starts chanting and sword begins glowing]

[cowers] Aahh! The symbol of the immortal who defeated me!

Jackie

Sword slays dragon! [points and activates enchanted sword spell at Shendu, forcing his spirit out of Valmont's body and also forcing Shendu's portal open]

Bai Tza

The portal!

Every demon for himself!

Age before beauty.

Jade

Hsi Wu. One goes through, that's the rule. [blows him a kiss before jumping into the portal which subsequently seals]

Hsi Wu

No!

Jade

[mid-air] Whoa [lands in Jackie's arms after emerging from the portal] Did you miss me?

Jackie

[sarcastic tone] Not at all.

Jade

[while smiling contently] Tch.

Jade

[as her parents answer the door] Surprise!

Jade!

Jade

Mom! Dad!

Jackie

Hope you don't mind us dropping in uninvited.

Cousin Jackie, it's so good to see you again!

You have been such a wonderful role model for Jade.

Jackie

Oh well, thank you- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

You take credit for my good influence?!

Uncle!

Jade

Tch. Is Uncle everyone's uncle?

He is actually our cousin... aren't you? [Jackie and Uncle look at each other in confusion]

Jade

Shendu's alive?! I gotta tell... [looks to see Jackie, who has a long ponytail sweeping the streets] ...Jackie? [runs to him] What did you do to your hair? What are you doing?

Jackie

[grunts in frustration] Your job!

Jade

Sweeping dragon doo?

Jackie

Where have you been, Jade? Where's your uniform?

Jade

Um, why exactly do we have to wear uniforms?

Jackie

Because it is required for all servants of the supreme ruler, his majestic highness, Lord Shendu.

Jade

Are you telling me Shendu rules the world?!

Jackie

Oh of course not! Each of the Eight Emperors has his or her own domain!

Jade

Since when?!

Jackie

Since the dawn of history! What is wrong with you today?

Jade

Jackie? Jackie, where'd you- [Jackie grabs her]

Jackie

Today, you must scrub master's bath chamber. [gives Jade a scrubbing brush]

Jade

No way. [tosses brush away]

Jackie

Then, fill his tub with fresh muck. [gives Jade a bucket of muck]

Jade

Ew! [gags]

Jackie

And it's talons day. So don't forget to trim master's toenails. [holding a large set of clippers]

Jade

Jackie! Listen to me! I don't work for Shendu, and neither do you! Demons don't rule the world, humans do! The demons were banished into the Netherworld by the Eight Immortals a long time ago, then they got out and we banished them again, but Shendu possessed you, found this magic book, changed the past, and now none of that ever happened!

Jackie

...That's crazy, Jade. You're crazy! Humans ruling the world...

[as Jade approaches him on his throne] Why do you not bow?!

Jackie

Oh, your scaliness! [bowing] Please excuse my slow-witted niece! [Shendu picks him up by his ponytail]

If she were not excused, she would be in flames! NOW FETCH MY DINNER! [drops him]

Jackie

[bowing intensely] Yes master!

Jade

[nervously] Jackie?

Jackie

[holding a platter of grubs; clears throat] Tasty treats, for his glorious excellence!

[eating from the platter] What a good slave you make, Jackie Chan.

My joy is to serve you, master!

Jade

[rushing out of the Throne Room; throws down the clippers] Gross!

Jackie

You forgot master's clippings.

Jade

Jackie, there is no way I'm ever going near his feet again! And Shendu treats you like a dog on a leash! I can't stand it!

Jackie

Well what could I do? I'm just a food servant. His slave.

Jade

The Jackie Chan I knew was nobody's whippping boy... he was a hero!

Jade

If the book's not here in Shendu's library, there's only one other place it could be. Australia!

Aiya! No man's land! That continent is forbidden!

Jackie

There is nothing there, Jade. Just a fortress!

Jade

Tch. Fortresses are usually built to protect something, duh.

But it is said that all who approach the fortress will be destroyed.

Jade

Well we have to get inside it somehow!

Why?

Jade

Because Shendu used the Book of Ages to rewrite reality!

[scoffs] That is crazy. You do not believe her, do you?

Jackie

[sighs] There is one thing that I believe. Demons ruling the world is a bad thing.