Sweet Dee Reynolds quotes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dee

Charlie, don't screw me like this, come on.

Charlie

Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee, let me try and remember something. Let's see, was it, did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it, and the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves, and take it away from Charlie, and ruin his hopes and dreams. So let me tell you something, Dee, let me break down a scenario for you. I could cut the song, OK, because I wrote it. I could have Artemis do the song, OK, because you did not write it. Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. So you tell me, Little Miss All That, what do you want to do? Song or no song?

Dee

Also I wrote a song and I'm gonna throw it in there.

Charlie

I swear to god if you do that I'll-

Dee

Too bad, its gonnnnaaa happen! Its gonna happen!

Charlie

I will smack your face, off of your face!!

Dee

Ok.

Dee

Maybe you shouldn't have your window open!

Mac

Maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of piss out the window!

Frank

All right, now, pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken. And you're gonna cook it tonight, make a tasty dinner. It's gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken.

Actually, I'm vegan.

Frank

Okay then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.

Dee

Nice one.

Charlie

We're crab people now Dee.

Dee

Crab people, Charlie?

You know I do offer group therapy.

Charlie

Yeah, okay.

Dee

What is this? What are you doing?

Dennis

What? What is that?

With all due respect, you're talking about bringing guns to an intervention and you're drinking wine out of a soda can.

Dee

Yeah.

Dennis

Oh. you put wine in the soda can?

Dee

You didn't know did you?

Dennis

That is good.

Charlie

Ahh, you stole Frank's idea.

Dee

Yeah yeah yeah. Its actually is a pretty good idea.

Charlie

Well its a good idea. I mean the guy has great ideas.

Dee

He is a smart man, that is not what we're here about.

Dennis

As a matter of fact I'm starting to think think we need to intervene on you for your goddamn illiteracy.

Dee

Yeah, Charlie, you are getting real dumb.

Charlie

Come on, alright, this is what I'm talking about. Illiteracy. You know, what does that word even mean?

Intervention! Intervention!

Charlie

Whoop! Whoop!

You're trapped! You're trapped! You're trapped!

Charlie

Oh my god. That was a terrible experience for me by the way.

Dennis

Of course, nobody likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.

Dee

She doesn't leave you with any options.

Charlie

Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.

Frank

This is depressing. (To Artemis) Want to go get sweaty in the bathroom?

Artemis

You know it.

Dee

(angrily) No! No one's getting sweaty in my bathroom! Just get out of here!

Frank

Alright fine! We'll go get sweaty in the Wendy's bathroom.

Dee

Great, go have sex at Wendy's! Wonderful! just get out of here!

Oh! Whoomp, there it is! Whoomp, there it is!

Charlie

And I will toss on Green Man and run around the field and go crazy as Green Man.

No, no, no, no, no.

Mac

Whoomp, there it goes.

Charlie

Guess who just found some investors for kitten mittens?

Dee

I told you, people love stupid shit!

Charlie

Why do you keep calling it stupid, though?

Dee

It's really stupid. But people are stupid too, so...

Dennis

Oh,do me a favor. Peel this apple for me please.

Dee

No, no I'm not gonna peel an apple for you.

Dennis

But Mac always does it for me.

Dee

Why does Mac peel apples for you?

Dennis

He doesn't like for me to eat the apple with the skin on it. He said the skin is loaded with toxins.

Dee

Ok, well good news Mac's not here.

Dennis

I know he's not here and that's why I need you to do it for me please, please.

Dee

Ah! Jesus just eat it with the skin on.

Dennis

[panicking] I do not like it with the skin Dee! I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin, I'm not allowed!

Dee

Oh my god alright if you just shut up I will peel the apple for you the way Mac likes you to eat it. Give it to me, give it to me. I'll do it the way Mac insists, okay?

Dee

Whoa, there are a lot of cats in this wall.

Charlie

Yeah, I put a lot of cats in that wall.

Dennis

My personal go-to is to create a fictional angry neighbor who's threatening her and tell her you'll take care of him. Hit up a payphone so she can't trace the call back to you. Give her a call and say something along the lines of "I'm watching you, you bitch, you're gonna die tonight!"

Dee

Oh my God, you're a complete sociopath!

Dennis

Don't interrupt.