Hey yo! Hey what's..what...what are you doing there buddy?
CharlieArgh! I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey, but they keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face and I think I just swallowed one.
As I tried to explain before, you can not get honey from a hornet's nest.
Charlie
I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.
There is some very basic science out there supporting that.
Charlie
No, no.
Trust me, pal. Okay, it's actually a fact. It's not even science.
Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. Umm…how about your favorite food, what would that be?
Charlie
Oh, milk-steak.
DMDennis and Mac
(simultaneously) Hmm?
Charlie
Milk-steak.
I'm not putting milk-steak.
Just put regular steak and then-
Charlie
Don't put regular steak, put milk-steak, she'll know what it is.
No she won't know what it is! Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright what's your favorite hobby?
Charlie
Uhh…magnets.
Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Charlie
Just magnets.
I'm just gonna put snowboarding. We'll just put snowboarding.
Charlie
I don't really snowboard.
What are some of your likes?
Charlie
Uhh…ghouls
Son of a bitch. What are you talking about?
Charlie
Just funny little green ghouls.
W-What like in movies, or in cartoons?
Charlie
Little green ghoul buddies!
I'm not! I'm putting travel! Jesus Christ, what are your dislikes?
Charlie
People's knees.
Oh come on dude! Come on!
Bro, you gotta be kid-you know what we'll just make it all up.
We'll make the whole thing up.
We'll doctor the picture.
We aren't even going to use you for this.
Charlie
Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.
Charlie
[in Green Man costume] Hey! Hey! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Philly Phanatic! Philly Phrenetic! Huge fan, man! Seriously. Big time. [Philly Phanatic offers a hug] Are you serious? Do you mean that? Ha-ha! Bring it in, man! Bring it in. Ah, yeah! All right. Now, seriously. Man to man, mascot to mascot, I was wondering maybe if you could help get me in the game. You know, maybe hook me up with a Green Man routine. We do it at the stadium together. [Philly Phanatic belly bumps Charlie] So all right, now--I'm trying to talk to you, dude. I'm trying to have a conversation with you, you're belly bumping me. [Philly Phanatic offers a high-five but pulls it away when Charlie goes to high-five him]. I'll give you...all right, don't big league me now here, man. Don't big league. Look, I'm trying to have a conversation with the man behind the mask! I feel like you're big leaguing me, dude! Are you taking me seriously? [Philly Phanatic sticks his tongue out at Charlie] [Charlie punches and tackles the Phanatic]
G1Guy 1
Hey, that dude's beating on the Phanatic.
G2Guy 2
Is that a hate crime?
G1Guy 1
Nah, it's not a hate crime.
G2Guy 2
Wanna hammer his ass anyway?
Charlie
Look at this, dude. That's just a bucket of chestnuts.
What, is he just foraging for his food?
Charlie
I don't know, why the hell would you have a bucket of chestnuts, bro?!
Charlie
Guess who just found some investors for kitten mittens?
I told you, people love stupid shit!
Charlie
Why do you keep calling it stupid, though?
It's really stupid. But people are stupid too, so...
You stabbed me! You stabbed me with a key! Why would you do that, you idiot?! I was flirting with you!
CCarny
[pointing to Charlie] That guy paid me to.
Charlie
[pointing to Dee] You weren't supposed to stab her! [pointing to the waitress] You were supposed to stab her!
WThe Waitress
[shocked] What?! You were going to have me stabbed?!
Charlie
[annoyed] I was going to protect you from the stabbing!
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! WRONG! You're supposed to let her get stabbed, hope that it hits a main artery, and as she's dying, you nurse her back to health, thereby making her totally dependent on you! See, this is why nobody should be going off my system!
Charlie
What if he can smell crime??
...what if he smells crime?
Charlie
Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude! What if he can smell crime before it even happens?
Holy shit dude, that's amazing! Smells crime before it even happens! Yes, dude!
Charlie
WHAT IF HIS ENTIRE HEAD IS JUST ONE BIG NOSE! Write that down, I like that.
(Disappointed and looking down) Ah, shit....
And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.
(pause for 7 seconds whilst Dennis seeks comments from the gang)
That is brilliant, that is the most brilliant movie I've ever heard in my life!
Charlie
I think the audience is gonna be very uncomfortable seeing Dolph Lundgren's naked penis going in to this young girl that you're talking about.
Yeah, just to be clear though, I don't care either way.
Charlie
I'll pull a Good Will Hunting. (To the frat boys) What's your major dude?
Charlie
(In Boston accent) Oh, I bet you read a lotta Gordon Wood, huh? You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook and you think you're wicked awesome doin' that, And how 'bout 'dem apples? And all that Gordon Wood business.
FBFrat Boy
I have no idea what you're talking about.
OFOther Frat Boy
You are an idiot.
Charlie
Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia · 514 quotes
