Coi quotes from Hell's Kitchen

What's the matter?

This station is fucked up.

Come on, Coi.

(to Lacey) Don't say a fucking thing. (to Gordon) I come over here, there's nothing fucking done, chef. Nothing!

Okay, okay.

(to Coi) Now why don't you tell him how you threatened me?

(to Coi and Lacey) Oh, oh, wait. Right. I'm just about to open the doors, okay? Don't panic. I'm not asking you to be lovebirds, okay?

Absolutely.

Calm down, get a grip, and show me some form of composure, yes?

Yes, chef.

Oh, my God!

Where's the four Caesar salad, two shrimp?

Coming, chef. These were two, one and one.

Where's the fucking four I asked for?

Four Caesar salad, two shrimp.

(to Colleen) Hey!

Yes, chef.

You're doing this on purpose.

No I'm not, I swear. You said two. One and one.

Look at me! Look at me! Four fucking salads.

(interview) There's always that person in your life that's going to be grumpy, and, you know, not be nice. Then there's the one like Chef Ramsay, who's the arrogant, vicious attack dog.

(to Colleen) Hey, Madam, you're fucking pathetic!

Yes, chef.

OK. On order: Four covers, Table 4. Two risotto, one spaghetti, one Caesar salad.

Yes, Chef!

(to Giovanni) Is it [the water] boiling?

How long?

I'm waiting for the water to boil, Chef.

You expect me to tell Jean-Philippe we're waiting for your water to boil?

Oh, I'm sorry.

(interview) Oh, man, Gio. How do you expect to cook pasta in water that's not boiling?

Hey, look at me. There's no olive oil in there, the water's not seasoned, it's not even boiling!

(interview) Oh, that was my fault. I didn't check my equipment. It won't happen again, that's for sure.

Let's go, Giovanni, let's go! Oh, my God...

While Giovanni's in hot water, over in the Red kitchen, Coi's trying to get ahead.

(to Coi) Why are you cooking spaghetti when I haven't even fired it? DAMN!

Fuck!

WHY?!

I'm sorry, chef.

I can't believe this! Why can't you just drop it to order?!

I will, chef.

Tell me why you can't!

I'm just trying to get ahead, chef.

You can't get ahead! You're not that good!

(interview) I was trying to get so many steps ahead, so I'm kicking myself in the ass because if I would have listened better, he wouldn't be screaming at me.

Coi? Put some more spaghetti in. Make yourself...

Yes, chef.

Hey, I'm joking, you stupid cow!

Red, [Table] 53. Tanya Steel.

Not done? (returns to the workstation) There you go. Yeah, I've had enough. I've had enough. [slams the plate on the stove] Come here! There you go. (to Carol; gives her a piece of pear) Take a bite and pass it along. (to LA) LA, wake up, yeah?

It's hard as a fucking rock.

Raw pastry, raw pear. That's her! [kicks a bin]

(interview) Chef Ramsay wasn't kidding when he said it was raw. It was raw. That's just, "Sorry. Poor judgement."

(to Colleen) You didn't know that's raw pastry with a raw pear?

No, chef.

(interview) Everybody else was just looking around like, "You've got to be kidding me."

Un-fucking-believable! [goes to the blue kitchen and sits in fetal position]

Tonight, dinner service has totally collapsed.

Oh, Christ almighty! Two and a half hours of bullshit.

And Chef Ramsay is at the end of his rope.

(to Jean-Philippe; after returning to the pass with raw desserts) Oh fuck off. I'm... I've had enough. [goes to the red kitchen] Hey, when I say, I've had enough, I've had enough. Stoves off. [calls both teams] Come here. That was pathetic. (to Andrea) And you were absolutely useless. CLEAR DOWN! I can't take it anymore. It's been the worst performance so far. SWITCH IT FUCKING OFF! [throws his spoon away]

As the Blue Team heads to the spa for a day of pampering...

Off to the spa we go...

...Back in the dining room, Max's mom lets J.P. know he'll be working with someone to plan the party...

This gentleman's very recommended.

Yes.

So, um...

Bonjour, darling!

Oh, here he is now.

...Someone he knows all too well.

JP, hello! It's so good to see you! [hugs J.P.] I'm so thrilled to be back! Are you thrilled to see me?

Alright, well, we'll see you tomorrow night, OK? Great party.

Thank you so much!

Thank you. (to Francisco) You, listen.

(whispers) Yeah?

You are not interfering with my job.

I respect your boundaries.

Yes?

I do.

Leave my thing for me, and then you do your little thing.

"My little thing." Oh, it will be so happy.

Good.

Oh, here they [the Red Team] come.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, we've done a few parties in the past with Francisco.

I'm so excited to be here! This is so fabulous! [the ladies laugh] Wait until you see what we're making. We are going to go up, up, and away with beautiful balloons, all around. It's going to be so festive!

(interview) Oh, Francisco's just fabulous, all the way around.

We have twinkly centerpieces on all of the tables...

(laughing) Twinkly!

(interview) It's the way he talks, it's the way he dresses, everything. He's fabulous.

We are going to make this the most beautiful sports arena!

(interview) I'm gay, that dude is parade gay.

Whoo!

(interview, laughs) Wow.

Let's get to it!

Yay!