Nona quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Okay, what is it?

It's a Mardi Gras gumbo. [lifts the lid]

Oh, God! And does it normally look like a plate of liquid shit?

No. (interview) Every time I make my gumbo, it always gets eaten, and everybody loves it. It's going to be good.

[burp] Excuse me. [throws it up into the trash can] Fucking hell!

[rolls eyes] Oh, God.

Are you crazy? Have you tasted that?

No, I didn't get a chance to taste it, chef.

So you cooked it, and you didn't even taste it?!

I didn't have enough time. I'm so sorry you don't like it.

Don't like it?!

I'm sorry it wasn't up to par.

Up to par?! It's inedible!

[shrugs] Okay, then throw it out.

No! I'm not going to throw it out! (to Raj) Big man!

Yes, sir!

You like your food, take a mouthful. Pass it along.

(interview) It was completely repulsive. I would have rather had a cat shit in my mouth than have eaten that any further!

[reacting as if he got heartburn] Oh, shit!

(interview) Oh, my God. I don't even know how to explain that!

Vinny, what was that tasting of?

A big bowl of mud.

Dear, oh dear!

Here's the two beef and a lamb.

What is she doing?

Two beef and lamb, where's the halibut?

Well, I just wanted to bring this to you, chef.

You just what?

I wanted to bring this to you, chef.

What?!

(interview; in a high pitch voice) Wha-- a-- Is this bitch crazy?!

And where's the halibut, then? And where's the garnish? (to Gail) Are you ready?

No, chef. (interview) I told her not to bring the beef up because everything has to come up at the pass together so that we can send out the whole entire table together at the same time.

Why are you throwing them under the bus?

I'm not, chef.

So what the fuck is this doing here?!

I'm sorry, chef. I cooked it for you, chef. I don't know--

What can I do with it?

Nothing, chef.

Oh, fuck off. Hey, Baby Spice. As long as you're okay, right?

No, chef.

"Here's my food, fuck everybody else! She doesn't fucking care.

Chef, hold on. (on his wellingtons) It's raw.

Oh, come on.

I can't give you raw meat. I'm sorry chef.

Thanks to Boris, no food is leaving the Blue kitchen.

There you go, send it back.

But thanks to Raj, none of them are going to waste.

(interview) I see all this food, and it looks delicious, so I just, you know, ate it.

Raj, please don't do that.

Look, he's eating it, look! Haven't you got enough in there?

But that's so good! It's really a waste.

Wow!

No. I mean — just a quick little bite. It's really tasty.

Ah, fucking hell.

(interview) How could Chef Ramsay blame me for eating this delicious food? It's fantastic.

While Raj has snack time in the blue kitchen over in the Red kitchen, Gail... [cuts to Gail staring in space]

Gail!

...has nap time.

Wakey-wakey! (sees Gail's meat pan catching fire) You're on fire.

(interview) Oh, my God! There's flames shooting up! And Gail was (sticks her tongue out in disgust) nothing. Nothing's happening.

Gail, out the way! Oh my God. [removes the pan off the burner and throws it into the sink; gets the burnt rib-eye beef] Gail, I think your pan's a bit too hot. [throws the rib-eye back in the sink] You've lost it.

I haven't lost it.

Yes, you - look, you've given up. Body language, face, attitude, you've given up. Anyone that can stand there, and watch a piece of rib-eye beef SET ON FIRE is out of control! You've given up.

While Boris is now cooking his crab cakes to order, in the Red kitchen, Melissa has already moved onto entrées.

[sees Melissa pulling out a tray full of filets from the oven] What in the fuck...

Unfortunately, her team is not even close to completing the appetizers.

Melissa.

Yes, chef?

WHAT IS THAT?! ALL OF YOU, come here!

(interview) Melissa had put in a huge pile of filets in the oven. Apps weren't even done yet. I don't even know what to do in this situation.

We've sent three tables of appetisers, and you're sticking all the beef in the oven!

(interview) Why the hell would you do that? I wouldn't even do that.

Do you want to go home? Why don't you make my life easier and just fuck off home? You can't be normal! (starts counting the filets) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

(interview) Oh, my God!

...7, 8, 9, 10, 11...

(interview) Stupid!

...12, 13, 14, 15, 16...

(interview) Oh, HELL no!

...17, 18, 19, 20, 21...

(interview) What the hell are you doing, lady?

There's 23 on the board, chef.

SO WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU COOKING THEM NOW?! (no response from Melissa) Nona, WHY?!

I don't know, chef.

It doesn't make sense! They're gone, they're overcooked.

Yes, chef.

I can't do it anymore with you. You need a system! THERE'S NO SYSTEM!!! I CAN'T KEEP ON TELLING YOU EVERY FUCKING SERVICE!!! [slams the table]

Yes, chef. (interview) Sometimes, I just go stupid. But I'm better than this. I just have to show Chef Ramsay that I have what it takes.

Madness!

All of you, come here! What night is this? What fucking night?

Important night of the year!

Yeah, the most important night. Is this the most important gnocchi you've ever cooked?!

No, it's not.

Fuck off will you? (slams the pan on the workstation)

Come on, Trev.

What is that?

(interview) That looks like a big-ass booger.

Oh, my God.

Wake up, Trevor! Nothing's coming out! ON A NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT! WAKE UP!

(to Trev) My lobster's up and you have no garnish.

(interview) Get off my pass and let me cook!

(to Holli) Trev is gone tonight. What do you think?

Yeah.

What do you need Trev?

(interview) This is not what he needs. Trev sucks. Dude, are you stoned? Like, did you smoke a joint before you came in here?

Trevor, you can't serve with those carrots in a burned pan.

Oh, no. I am going to fucking fix it.

I'll help you!

Do not help me! Get the fuck out of my ass! Don't fucking help me!

(interview) He is so stupid.

Does anybody need help right now? I'm good on app(etizer)s.

Could use a hand over here, definitely.

Here's your shallots.

How many are on the garnish? One... two... three of you. Sabrina garnish, Nona garnish! Trev, what are you doing?

Working it chef.

(to Gail) Gail, go over to the garnish as well, and might as well.

(interview) I've never seen Chef Ramsay called over the entire kitchen to help one person. Ridiculous. [to Trev] The squash is burning.

The squash is what? Burning? [facepalms]

Three broccolini, one squash! One squash is in!

Where's the fucking broccolini?

Dude, Trev, you have to put the basket down or it's gonna stick.

Nona!

Yes, chef!

Give me three broccolini! (to Trev) Hey, you, come here! I haven't sent one garnish out at the same (slams fist on the workstation) fucking time! I haven't sent them out yet! Do me a favour: Fuck off back and get some fresh air!

(interview) I'm pissed at myself, 'cos I'm supposed to be the guy that can do anything. I feel like shit because I've let them down. They expected me to be Superman, and Clark Kent showed up.

Hey look at me! You are not evening listening! I'm trying to help you!

I know chef and I am taking on what your are saying!

It (Three Beef) should be fucking seared by NOW!

Yes Chef!

It will help if the pan was on!

It's on Chef!

Fuck off will you! (Starts walking down to Nona's Station) Get out of my WAY! Look (Red Team) at that! Does that look hot enough to sear three beef? Let me show you (Nona) something! LOOK! There you go! (Takes the three beef out of the pan showing that the pan is not hot enough) It's hot Chef! (Sarcastically)

I just put them IN!

Get out the way. (Nona walks back slowly) Get out my fucking way. Get out my fucking way. (Nona is at the back of the kitchen) GET OUT MY WAY!

I'm not in your way!

FUCK OFF UPSTAIRS THEN!

Alright, fine. (leaves the kitchen)

FUCK OFF! (Nona leaves and returns to dorms)

Jillian!

Yes Chef!

Start working that station (meat)!

Yes Chef!

(to Trev) Hey bozo! [does a stop signal; angrily knocks the workstation with both hands] Just all of you, look at me now! It's like you're doing it on purpose!

Oh, chef's losing it.

Hard, undercooked, and stone-cold. Three beef… hold on hey, just put your finger on that. Look at us! WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!! WHERE'S YOUR PASSION?!! (angrily throws his spoon) I'm done standing here in a bunch of idiots! (throws his apron on the workstation) Fuck you all! Good luck, superstars! [he and Sous-Chef Scott exited the kitchen and left] Fucking useless. Aiyayayay.

(interview) We are fucked. Come on.

Oh, man.

Aw, there he is.

Aw he’s left.

(interview) This is over. Over.

(to himself) Oh, Jesus!

Holy shit! What the fuck just happened?! Chef is pissed!

(tastes) It fucks me off. [returns the risotto to the workstation] STOP! (to Nona and Trev) Come here you! (to Russell) Come here! (to Jillian) And you as well! Have a fucking good taste! [Gordon tastes, as well as the final four]

(interview) Awesome. It's freaking great. I love what's happening right now.

What's the first thing that comes to your mouth?

Pepper! (interview) Yeah, can we have some risotto with the pepper, please? Refire.

[spits out the risotto in disgust] Three stunning risottos away.

Yes, chef. (interview) Sucks, sucks, sucks.

I killed it on garnish tonight! There's no reason I should go up for elimination.

I thought I had a great night, too. (to Nona and Russell) I'm nominating you two. You guys were the ones who had fuck-ups tonight.

I had a good night. My votes are Trev, and... my second one is Russell because of the scallops and the halibut. (interview) Russ was not perfect tonight, and Trev did not do too bad, but it's hard to go wrong when you have Chef Ramsay wiping your ass for you.

My votes are for Trev and Russell, too.

(interview) What the hell?! (to Jillian) What happened to the plan?

[in the flashback] Let them get put up for elimination tonight. Even if they do good.

[in the flashback giving Jillian a high-five] Boo-yah, shocka!

(interview) Jillian's selling me out.

I'm definitely voting for you, Trev because of your attitude and communication lapses. It's fucking ridiculous. (Trev just shrugs) If you talked to me like you talked to me before about that salmon, I would have slapped the shit out of you! (Jillian and Nona stare at Russell in shock) If you ever think you can cop an attitude like that with me, best believe you're gonna catch one to the side of your fucking head!

W–Whoa!

[shrugs again] Okay.

I will fuck you up, bro!

New order! One spaghetti, two scallops, one truffle salad! [pause] How long?! [no one responds]

(interview) Nobody's listening to anything Trev says. Just like, "Blah-blah-blah," coming out his mouth!

Knock it out, guys! Let's get 'em in, get 'em out! [Nona continues to ignore Trev]

Answer him!

(interview) Nobody respects him, and that's why while he's on the pass, everyone's ignoring him.

One spaghetti, two scallops, one truffle salad! [beat; Sous Chef Scott looks up]

Is there an answer?!

Yes, chef!

The chefs may not be listening to Trev, but that doesn't stop him from calling more tickets.

One salmon, two beef, one wellington! Six minutes to the window!

Six minutes!

Thank you!

[facepalms] Stop two beef, one salmon, one wellington! 'Cause we haven't the fucking appetisers yet!

Son of a bitch.

"Son of a bitch?!" Ah, [throws spoon] fucking hell!

Fucking hell's right.

(interview) Trev sucks. Sorry, Trev, you suck.

COME ON, TREVOR!

After failing to notice Chef Scott's swapping of the meat, Jillian is on high alert.

Come on, Trev!

You’re not sending that shit out. That one looks like crap! Fire a new one (halibut), fire it now!

It’s ready right now, if you want it.

COME ON! (interview) Trev, you’re fucking up and it’s not right. [Trev brings his fish to the pass] This one’s skinny as shit and that one’s fat as fuck! You got a different one?

It’s gonna take six minutes if you want me to do that!

Well, this is not how they look on the same table! It’s bullshit!

They’re not all cut equal!

(interview) Jillian is just [makes a clawing motion with her hand] "RAWRAWRAWRAWRAWR!!!", all over Trev!

[checks on more halibut brought up by Trev] TREV!

Yes, chef.

YOUR HALIBUT IS FREAKIN’ RAW! Come here! Come here! Look at that shit, dude! It’s fucking raw! COME ON! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA DO IT?!

Sixteen, if it takes.

As many times as it takes?!

As many times as it takes to get it right!

WELL, FUCKING GET IT RIGHT, MAN!

Doesn't make any sense to me.

(interview) I just don’t understand, like... I don’t get it.

You’ve got to control the kitchen, otherwise the kitchen controls you.

Yes, chef. (to Trev) YOU’RE SCREWING ME ON THE PASS!

Dude, they’re all different fucking sizes!

Jillian, you have to convict this! This is just not good enough! [to the Black Jackets] LISTEN TO ME, IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! (to Trev) YOU MAY WANT TO SCREW HER, BUT YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING SCREW ME! COME HERE, YOU! Next time you fuck her again, or fuck me on one halibut, you’re fucking out! NOW WAKE UP! A JOKE’S A JOKE, BUT QUIT IT!

(interview) I wanted to throw a fucking hot pan at Trev’s head. Stop making me look bad, do your job! (to Trev) Move it!

Now, yeah. You know how it feels standing here, yes?

Yes, chef. It fucking sucks.

Sideways.