Heather West quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Heather West

(referring to herself, Keith and Garrett) We're going to be the final three.

Heather West

I was sweating like Tom today.

Service, please.

Yay!!! [Heather tries to shush Sara] Sorry. Sorry.

What's going on?

Heather West

Nothing, chef. Nothing chef.

Who's shouting and screaming? Hey, Sara, let me just tell you something. You're not a fucking cheerleader so stop acting like one. Because we have nothing to fucking smile about. And listen, ladies, that has been one hour and forty minutes for four starters. And personally, I wouldn't laugh, or scream, or start wetting your knickers, because that is fucking embarrassing.

Heather West

Yes, chef.

(interview) Nobody deserved to be shouted at. I feel like a little worm on a big fucking hook right now!

Just take one good look at yourselves in the mirror, 'cause it's a fucking disgrace!

Come on please! The duck!

Heather West

GARRETT!

Yes chef!

Where’s the cabbage? Come on, Garrett! Keith and Garrett! You just got all quiet! None of you are working as a team! Where's the lamb SAUCE?!

Heather West

Come on, man!

I just need a--

WHERE'S THE LAMB SAUCE?!

Heather West

Right here, chef.

Lamb sauce is coming up.

There's just nothing coming together!

Right here, chef.

Thank you very much.

Not a problem, chef.

Oh, fuck off, you fat useless sack of fucking yankee-danky-doodle shite. Fuck off, will you please, yeah?

(to Maryann) How's it cooked?

It was cold.

Uhm, Rachel, come here.

Yes, chef?

Just touch that. What's the lamb?

It's well done.

It's requested pink. That's cooked to fuck! [pounds the counter] It's barely edible!! [sits down] Aw, for God's sake!

Rachel, this is pitiful. Rachel, you suck.

(to Rachel) Stop right there. I'm going to put you out of your misery. Switch it off. [crosses over to the blue kitchen] Just stop. Shut it down!

Heather West

Yes, chef.

Heather is one tough bitch!

Heather West

I'm the toughest bitch there is.

Away now, one risotto, three Salad Saint-Jacques, let’s go.

Yes chef!

They only need turning Sara otherwise they become overcooked yeah.

Yes chef!

Are they overcooked?

Yes chef, they are!

Oh come on!

Heather West

You've got to watch your scallops.

Thank you, Heather. I've got it.

Missy.

Yes, chef?

If you sauté scallops in a non-stick pan, they won't stick! That's why it's called FUCKING NON-STIIIIICK! [Gordon's voice goes falsetto on "STICK"] I don't know what non-stick means in Texas, sweetheart, but FUCK ME!

Yes, chef!

Let's go, three salmon, one turbot.

Heather?

Heather West

What?

Is there any salmon left in the house?

What's going on? What's going on?

Chef, I--

What? Come here you! Tell me! I'm the fucking chef!!

Yes, chef. I don't have enough salmon to get through the night.

You're not serious, are you?

I am serious chef.

Hey, I'd fuck off and go and buy some if I were you.

May I substitute using turbot?

Why don't you check with the maître d'? Can we serve turbot in place of the salmon?

On which table?

Table 20. Please? Thank you. (to Sara) Hey, you, fuck off, will you? You useless cow.

Turbot's in here. Sorry chef.

You know missy, you're finished aren't you?

No, chef, come on!

Hey, what do you mean come on? I want you to come on! I want you to wake up!

Chef, I told you and they're resolving it now and all I can do is give you the turbot. I have the salmon in the fridge and there's only 2!

That's right! And whose fucking fault was it?! Don't get fucking upset with me in my fucking kitchen when you're standing there sulking because you fucked the salmon!

I'm not sulking chef.

Yeah, you're finished. Heather, get on the fish please and do something for her yeah?

No, chef.

So wake up and get it back together!

I don't need to be replaced chef!

Then tell her then.

I don't need to be replaced.

There you go.

(interview) I screwed up one fucking table with one fucking salmon. I wasn't beat. Don't get up all about my crotch about shit.

Salmon, lamb please, how long?

Seven minutes, chef.

Hey, what's that piece of shit there?

It's supposed to be the salmon.

Holy fuck, look at that. It's like a... bison's penis - what is that shit? [opens up the salmon wrap, revealing the interior to be totally frozen] Look at that! Stone-cold, frozen salmon. Who put the salmon in the freezer?

Me. I fucked it up. (interview) The salmon was my fault because I stuck it in the freezer instead of the fridge, and it was frozen.

Yeah, you fucked up, big time!

All the salmon's the same, I think we're gonna have to eighty-six it.

Yeah, 'cos she's wrapped it frozen.

Heather

And we have five on order.

We've got five on order?

Heather

Five on order.

(to Amanda) Hey, ditzy! Great job!

Yes, chef.

Oh, fuck off.