Bonnie quotes from Hell's Kitchen

45 minutes into dinner service and Eddie's spaghetti has brought the blue kitchen to a standstill so Chef Ramsay turns to the women for a little hope.

Spaghetti, scallops how long?

3 minutes, chef.

[sees what Bonnie is doing] What are you doing? What are you doing?

I'm doing 3 scallops, chef.

See? I called one spaghetti, one scallops, then she's doing three scallops.

I thought I heard... I'm sorry. Okay, one scallop.

Are you a dumb blonde?

(interview) (when troops wake up the chefs) I'm in the shower with conditioner in my hair. I was like run through the house half naked and I look like a drowned rat and I'm not happy.

(interview) It's was very disheartening to not to be able to serve the people that serve us. (Uses his hand to disguise a trombone) REMEDY! REMEDY!

Who's coo... Who?...

I did the scallops, chef. What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Are they raw?

Oh, come on! Fucking hell! You just asked me are they raw. Why don't you tell me what the fuck they are?

They're raw, chef.

[throws a scallop in the bin, disgusted] Fuck off!

[smelling the crab] Hey, missy (Joanna), is that crab high to you? Anyone else smell that? Where's the crab? [picks up the container and smells it] Ugh! Maryann, smell that-- [seeing Joanna trying to leave] hey you, don't you fucking dare! Come here you! Hello!

[smelling the crab] Oh god.

Can you not smell that? The crab is off. It's fucking rancid! How can you do that?

I did not smell the crab chef.

(interview) I can't believe Joanna had been using that. I mean, it just made you sit up and go "Whoa!"

Have you sent one out already?

No, chef, we haven't.

Thank God for that! YOU'LL KILL SOMEONE! [throws the crab in the bin] Hey, get off! Get off! Julia, take over.

Yes, chef.

Should I recommend something else?

Oh, you fuck recommend. Yeah, recommend a new restaurant.

We're waiting on you Bonnie! Is that just sliced in half there and put back in the pan?

[points at chicken on the cutting board] This chef?

Oh no, Bonnie, not that. You're fucking here, you stupid cat. D'you know what? Every time I've asked you a sensible question, you give me a dumb blonde answer.

Sorry chef.

Right, let's go back to the beginning shall we?

Yes, chef.

Have you just sliced the chicken in half and stuck it back in the oven?

Yes, chef.

Is it dry?

It doesn't feel dry but I'll start over.

It's fucking lost its texture. Right now, you're all screwing your fucking selves. Is the chicken in for the langoustine?

[points to the same chicken] Yes, chef. Right here.

Fuck me. No that's the main course one.

It's right here.

Listen, Hey, listen, it's not in.

It's not in but I'm putting it in now.

Right so - here we go again - When are you going to fucking shut up? I'VE HAD ENOUGH NOW! Stop lying to me! You're saying yes all the fucking time, yet nothing's DONE! WORK TOGETHER!

Yes, chef!

Bonnie, do I sear it until it gets really, really crispy?

No, you have to do it very slowly. It's not a sear.

[pushing in next to Julia] What's the problem? Julia, ask me if you have any questions.

Alright...

What is your problem, Melissa?

You're supposed to listen to me, not Bonnie.

(interview) Excuse me?

Check in on your duck, Julia. You took it out of the oven.

Yeah, so it won't burn.

I think you should stick it back in, just for a little while.

But it's already medium.

Guys, all the food has to be plated hot. I'm assuming that you have just a little bit of knowledge of how to cook...

Don't assume!

...otherwise, you shouldn't be here.

I thought that you knew how to cook, too!

(to herself) I am above all this.

Argue, argue. Hell's Bitches, Hell's Bitches. Yes!

This menu is a crucial, critical menu. Did you use the time wisely?

No, chef.

What? No?

Too many people were arguing on our team chef.

Oh, come on, ladies. Why are we arguing Julia on such an important occasion?

Because there was one person who wanted to run around and do every single thing.

Who was in charge?

I'm in charge, but unfortunately I can't do everything at once. I need help.

Stop. I didn't put you in charge, madam. You're standing there acting like some jumped up little cavewoman. Today's challenge quite frankly was a team effort. Let's hope what you have produced in the last hour is delicious.

Now it all comes down to the meat entrée.

(interview) Tied 1-1. All the pressure is riding on...me.

Third and final dish. Please present the meat entrées.

(to Jen) We shouldn't send it.

Please present the meat entrées together.

Ready, Jen?

Jen, don't send it. Don't.

Melissa, I don't know what you're trying to do, or whether you're trying to upset our guests. But right now, I'm starting to get pissed. Now will you send your food?

Let's go. [Rock and Jen bring the meat entrées to the table.]

Right. Domes off. [Rock and Jen reveal their dishes, Jen's dish is a small dried up duck breast on a bare plate.] Alright... okay... ahem...

(interview) There are no words to say how humiliating it was serving a piece of shit duck to a husband and wife to be. I really wanted to disintegrate.

Oh dear. Jen.

Yes, chef?

Describe the dish.

That's a duck breast... um...

First of all, I'm deeply embarrassed.

I am as well. (interview) I was so embarrassed you know. They probably think I cooked it. I had nothing to do with that!

Rock, please explain.

We have a dry aged rib eye that's been pan seared and served with wild mushroom cream sauce.

Thank you. [gives Carlotta the rib eye and Cyrus the duck breast]

[trying to cut through the duck] Oh wow, this is really tough.

I'm so sorry. Nobody's going to be eating that, are they? [takes the duck away and covers it with a napkin, then looks at the Red Team in disgust]

[tasting the rib eye] This is delicious. That's great.

Definitely.

Rock's rib eye easily beats the women's lame duck and the men win their first challenge in Hell's Kitchen.

(interview) Two things are happening right now. Number one, we finally got a win and we feel great about it. Number two, it's open hunting season on chicks and we're about to start picking them off one by one.

My, er, apologies, and we'll do all that we can to make sure it's a very special day. Thank you for joining us for the tasting.

Thank you. [she and Cyrus leave]

(to the Red Team) You four Hell's Bitches, I am embarrassed. I don't think I've ever, EVER been so embarrassed inside this restaurant in my entire life. That was a joke! You should be ashamed. All four of you are going to work your asses off. Get - out - my - sight.

Rock!

Yes, chef?

Yeah, you can fuck yourself! Look at that there, look at that. There you go. Come on! Oh, fucking hell. Three more scallops in! It takes one minute to sauté the scallops. Is that what we serve in Hell's Kitchen?

Not at all, chef.

We're going from fucking bad to worse, man.

(interview) It just seemed so comical. Rock and Josh aren't doing well.

Scallops, risottos, spaghetti! (to Josh) What's in that basket?

This is one of the pulled--

Why? Just talk to me. Why? Why? Why? [sees that there's already spaghetti in the basket]

Start anew. Start anew.

Oh, fuck me. In your restaurant before you come here, do you cook spaghetti before the customer orders it?

Never, chef.

So why are you doing it here?

It was wrong.

Oh, was it really wrong? Even my mum cooks spaghetti seven minutes before she wants it. Get it in the bin!

The four remaining chefs have managed to move on to desserts. But the moment is anything but sweet.

What is this? Is this yours?

That's the ice cream base. Put it over there if you could on the sink. [Rock puts the base on the counter where Bonnie is working. Jen reaches in front of Bonnie for the container.] Asshole!

You a fucking asshole!

Hey, hey, hey! Do you mind? We're not arguing amongst ourselves are we?

No, chef.

Yeah the fucking weak link is gone, now you should start fucking working as a team!

Don't jump when you say jump!

Stop, stop, stop.

Who the fuck you think you're talking to.

Stop!

I can not run this kitchen like this!

Big man. Big man.

Big man shit.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! [bangs the overhead] Enough's enough.

Big man shit!

You guys, knock it off. Okay, we got one brulee, one panna cotta, and then we're done.

Despite the ongoing fighting,...

Simple ass broad.

You're crazy.

...The aspiring chefs manage to successfully complete dinner service.