Louross quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Welcome to Hell's Kitchen. You must be all very excited to meet Chef Gordon Ramsay. Actually, I'm quite good at doing an impression of him.

" What about you(To Shayna)? Can you do a little impression of Gordon?

How about you(To Jason)?

I think you're going to have to work on it. What about you (To chef Ramsay) big guy?

(interview) Damn, he's doing it real good.

(interview) Wait a minute.

(interview) I know that voice.

That's right. It's me. (removes his disguise. The chefs start screaming and hollering.)

(interview) Oh, my God! I've been sitting next to the chef on the bus the whole fucking time!

(interview) Whoo! Didn't know it was coming.

Halt! Let's see if you guys can actually cook as well as you shout off on the bus. And you, the black Gordon Ramsay right?

Yes sir. Four star general.

Time to button it now and start cooking. Get in there and cook me your signature dishes. Let's go!

(with some bland sauce) Yeah, that's bland. It looks terrible.

(to the blue team) Come here! Taste that, all of you! [the men come over and start tasting the sauce] Run Dominic! You lazy fucker! And you put your fingers in there. Aw, my God! [takes a spoonful out, lets it drip] Look. Snot! [tosses the sauce away] Fuck off. [kicks the bins] USELESS FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT! You all know it's crap, not one of you got the balls to do anything about it!!

I didn't taste it yet.

Guys, it's just simple, just go man and come on. (to Ben) Just what are you doing? (interview) I didn't see anybody taste the food today, just getting into the groove out as "if like you're making love to the kitchen".

(to Ben) Caesar with a little bit of salt and pepper, that's all.

(to Bobby and points him) Hey you, take the badge off and give the (Louross) little fucker over there! Thank God, someone has a pair of balls.

Okay, thank you.

[walks with the salmon] Salmon, medium.

[Checks Ben's salmon, which is overcooked] What's wrong with that salmon?

It's a little...

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO ME IF IT'S BURNT?!

(interview) I sent up, you know, perfect medium salmon, and he sent it back. It had a little, uh, tiny burnt edge on the side. I mean, this is craziness.

You can't cook a fucking salmon?

I can cook a salmon, chef, yes I can. Just a lot of pressure, different kitchen, different... different cooking techniques that I'm used to.

Cook me a salmon, medium. Can you do that?

Yes, sir.

"Different techniques?"

With the likelihood fading that any of his table's other entrees will arrive, Bobby takes matters into his own hands.

As the Red team, once again, starts over on their entrées, Jason starts preparing his first desserts.

Is this the right way to do it? I hope it is. (interview) I don't have a clue on this earth what I'm doing. I hate desserts! They're tedious! Women can make desserts, you know? It ain't my thing. (to Louross) ...5 minutes for the crème brûlée, so I have two of those in.

Your crème brûlée's done already!

No, it's not. That's not cooked.

That's cooked!

Oh, Jesus Christ. (interview) The soufflés looked like muffins in a cup! I don't know what was wrong, because I don't know desserts, but I know they would not come up for nothing!

Jason!

Yes?

What's happening with the desserts?

The soufflés are not coming out at all; they're sticking!

Come here a minute.

Okay. [goes over to Gordon] I cannot get them to come up, they're sticking really bad, they look like shit, they look like muffins.

(in a fast tone) So, are we going to take it off the menu, are we going to do something constructive, are we going to do anything about it...

I'm, I'm trying something new. I'm going to take some sugar and rub it around the rim, and try to get that... and... that's what I'm trying to do right now.

You're going to get some sugar and rub it around the rim?

Sugar-- no, no-- sugar, butter, and the cocoa powder, and see if that keeps them from sticking. :[Gordon goes over to the hotplate and repeatedly bangs his head on the counter]

Jen, stand next to Chef Ben. Cook with him.

(interview) The thing is, it's embarrassing that chef called them in to come help.

(to Ben) Look at the current situation. Now, go around and slap yourselves in the back now then.

I thought we were close chef, but I was wrong.

You thought you were fucking close. Let's give a big round of applause to the captain who hit an iceberg on the fucking Titanic. Shayna.

Yes, chef.

Stay next to Chef Craig.

What do you need?

I got it. I got it. I got it.

(interview) "I got it. I got it. I got it."

What do you need?

I got it.

Don't tell me you got it. What do you need? (interview) Chill! Take the help. Even if it's from a girl.

Just push out the plates. Let's just do it and just end the day.

Away now, one crab cake, one meatballs, one clam, one Caesar.

(to Craig) How long?

How long for the fucking clam?

You're burning, you're burning.

He's not even giving me an answer.

Come on, answer him, please!

He's making me feel fucking nervous!

[burns his hand] Fuck!

Hello?

Let's just go! Craig, Craig, the pasta's ready! Come on!

How long for the fucking clam?

It's coming up right NOWWWW! Fucking listen! [angrily throws a pan to one side]

Oh, my fucking god.

Hey guys. Louross, come here!

Chef!

Come on, quickly, let's go! Touch that!

Still kind of lukewarm, chef.

What did I request, temperature?

Medium well, chef.

Get it back in the pan!

(interview) I got this, I have to do it. I can cook a steak, you know what I'm saying, but like, what the hell happened?

The pan's burning, Louross, it's about to go up in flames. Charcoal beef. [Louross's meat pan emits a flame]. Do you honestly not know how to cook a steak medium well?

I know how to cook a steak, chef!

So why aren't you doing it then, Louross?

(to himself) Come on babe, come on, fuck!

Come on, Louross!

Plating up now chef, we're plating up!

(checks the steaks) Louross, What's up man? How come I can't see the nice beautiful inside of the beef?

I cut it in half then I just seared it to cook it off -

No, see, the correct answer is you fucked it up, you didn't cook it right, and you're trying to get it by me. Do you have another one that I can see a nice pink center in?

Yes, chef! [to Petrozza] Do you have another one with a nice pink center in it?

Nah I.. No. That one won't work?

No, that one's not going to work.

With no steaks ready to serve, Louross's situation is looking grim.

Fuckin' send me home, that's what they're going to do.

But Petrozza has a plan.

[notices Gordon isn't in their kitchen] This is our chance.

It's not going to work, it's not going to work.

This is the only shot that we got. (interview) We had to show the base of the beef, so I had to slice a sliver off it. I want to get the fucking food out!

It's not... It's fucked up already if it shows up...

(interview) He sliced that paper thin and I looked at him and I'm like are you serious? And he's like yeah! But damn, do you see the color on that steak? It was straight medium-well!

How's that one? Looks like it fucking works to me.

Hey Louross, where's that beef?

Here's the beef. [brings up his altered beef]

Much better.

Louross! Raw steak!!

Ohhhhhh.

And he goes like this, "Ohhhhhh." as if he's performing for the Oscars. If your fucking cooking was as good as your acting, you'd be talented, you dick!

(interview) It started off good and then all of the sudden, it fucking went downhill.

What's the matter?

Twenty-three. They're all medium rare.

Oh fuck me! Ohhhhh. Louross! Come here, you! Let's go and you touch it well. Come on, touch! (touches the raw steak on his hand)

Blue, chef! BLUE!

Yeah, it's raw. How could I get down on my knees. Yeah, it's fucking raw! Hey, look at me! Is that better? It's raw, you fucking idiot!

(interview) Louross is really just dropped the ball to horrific, horrendous, it's just horrible. He just could not handle meat station at all.

Oh, fucking hell! Oh, come on.

(to himself) This is not good at all.

[after Jean-Philippe returned again with filet mignon] Hey, you, you, you, come here! Look at that... look! Three of the have come back! You put your team into shit!

(interview) I hate the word "filet mignon" out, I do seriously. If I ever see another filet mignon, I will like throw it. Oh like, that someone's face.

(to Louross) One more fucking steak returns to the kitchen, I'm closing your kitchen.

With the threat of a shut down looming, Louross tries again on the meat station.