Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Okay, guys! Away now: the halibut, sea bass, and two lamb!

I'm not gonna make it on potatoes! I'm out of mash!

You'd better find a way to make some mashed potatoes right now!

Can anybody help me with potatoes?

I'll get the potatoes!

Thank you!

(interview) Andy ran out of mashed potatoes, so I rushed into the back of the house and grabbed some. (returns to the kitchen with a container of potato pieces) I got all these potato ends, I could make mash with that.

(to Andy and Dave) I just want you to know that I am fucking handcuffed right now because we need to wait on potatoes.

(walks into the Blue Kitchen, unaware of what happened) Wait, what's the matter?

We're waiting on potatoes.

Potatoes?

I'm gonna make 'em really fast. Really fast!

We're now fucking standing still with no mashed potato. Whistler, here I come. Yeah, fucking useless... (to Andy) Hey, you. (gives him the come-hither) Do me a favor, yeah? Go and tell tables 15, 5 and 4, yeah? We're short on mash. Let's go! HURRY UP!

Yes.

FUCK OFF!

(to the Blue Team) Watch my stuff, please. (leaves the kitchen)

GET IN THERE!!!

I need double risotto made while I make a crepe.

(working on his meat entrées) I can work your risotto; give me one minute.

Get over here one second; I'm ready to go.

You got two risotto here?

Yes, two risotto.

(works on the risottos) I got it. (interview) I said I was gonna help Andy all night, but, uh... I'm really getting pummeled.

Lamb, please!

Comin' right up!

Where's the tagliatelle?

Right here.

Where's the risotto?

I have a risotto.

Where's the steaks?

And steak!

Lamb! (claps hands)

Let's go! Risotto, please!

Yes, Chef! (runs back-and-forth between all his dishes)

(interview) Dave's running around in the kitchen all crazy, slidin' around. Dave's got one arm, but that boy can cook!

Tagliatelle!

Yes, Chef! Right here!

Now! (claps hands)

Coming up right up to the window, Chef! (rushes the lamb and sauce to the pass, along with the tagliatelle) Tongs! Give me tongs, please! (someone hands him tongs) I got it! (rushes the tongs to the pass and puts them in the tagliatelle) Tagliatelle in the window.

(tastes the risotto) Dave! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're ten thousand times better cook with one hand!

(interview; fist-pumps) WOO!

I'll finish two crepes.

(interview) Andy was just fucking up all night long. He's just turn into a disaster. (to Andy) Bring one crepe up, and I'll follow with another.

Andy, what aren't you doing anything?

He's (Kevin) assisting me, chef.

You're not assisting him, you're doing it! And he's standing there watching you. (to Andy) Hey, you! Hey, come here! Do me a favour: FUCK OFF! UPSTAIRS! GET OUT! PISS OFF! (to the remaining members of the Blue team) Anyone who acts like a fucking idiot can piss off! (to Van) Hello! Are you listening?

I'm listening chef.

Next fucking person out! Concentrate!

Yes, chef!

Fuck me. (returns to the workstation) Come here, both (Sabrina Gresset and Suzanne) of you! It's requested med-rare! All of you, come here! Touch that! Yeah, touch that! Touch that - YOU (Sabrina) TOUCH IT AS WELL!! What is that?!

Medium-well, chef.

Medium-well?

Well-done, chef.

Yeah, hey! Overcooked!

(interview) I overcooked liked an entire pan of lamb. Oh, it's terrible!

(slams the plates down) Medium-well? And... that's well done? (to Suzanne and Sabrina) Well-done to you! And well-done to you! I can't believe just how inconsistent you are! Do me a favour: You and you FUCK OFF UPSTAIRS! GET OUT! Both of you!

(interview) Holy shit! He's going to shut us down!

Get out! Get out!

Van, come here! Straight away! Two three's are what?

Two three's?

Two times three?

Two three's?

Two three's are what? Two times three?

(interview) I'm kind of confused on that right now. (to Gordon) What?

Van!

I don't understand chef.

You don't understand two times three?

(interview) I can count, yes. (to Gordon) Yeah, it's six.

So you gave me seven--

I gave you an extra. I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

Dumbo!

Come here, all of us! Just come here! Come here, all of you! Look, it's not... it's just... no, it's not about "oh"! (angrily smashes the halibut on the plate after someone (most likely Dave) says "oh" in disappointment) It's NOT about that!

(interview) Oh... dammit! Halibut splurged all over my face and like I have little tiny like bits of halibut in my eyes.

Van, so you started to sear on the sea bass. Come here! Quick and you leave it there! You're searing a sea bass!

It's big.

LISTEN TO ME. [kicks bin - again]

Yes, chef.

We haven't sent the appetisers!

(interview) HERE WE GO AGAIN! NEW FUCKING NIGHT!

(to Van) Hey! I'm watching you like a horn fucking eagle! Poissonier! Let's go.

Coming up, chef.

Scallops!

Coming right now, chef. [beads of sweat fall on his scallops]

Van! VAN! NO, NO, NO, STOP! Come here, you're sweating in the food!

It's hot, chef.

I know, it's fucking hot! (throws his spoon down) YOU'RE SWEATING IN THE FOOD!

(interview) Man, I was sweating my ass off. (flashback of Van's sweat falling on his scallops) I own there to win the food.

(to Van) What's wrong with you? Serve them? By the way, you got a little touch of Van that one. Look at me, HELP ME OUT HERE!

(interview) I'm out there busting my ASS, bro, I'm sweating my ASS off! (to Gordon) I'm working as hard as I can do for you, chef.

You're sweating in the food, Van!

(interview) He makes me look like a bitch constantly.

Send the whole fucking lot back, Scott, I can't go like this again.

Hey, Ariel, can you go up in two minutes?

Yes.

Good communication!

(interview) Save it 'til the end of service, Chef! You're making me blush!

Two scallops, let's go!

(walking to the pass with his scallops) I'm going up!

Two minutes, counting down! (interview) What's my name?

Tennille!

(interview) Tennille~!

Somebody's taking my fucking lead! The person I least expected to!

Tennille has impressed Chef Ramsay with her communication.

Coming up with two lamb and sauce right now, Chef. (brings the lamb and sauce to the pass) Lamb on your side, Chef.

Now she hopes to impress him with her cooking.

(plating the lamb) That lamb's perfectly cooked.

(interview) The first time I hear Chef say "This lamb's perfectly cooked", I'm like, "Stay perfect! As soon as you slip, you know what he's gonna do?! SHOVE THAT LAMB UP YO' ASS!"

(gets Ariel's garnish pan) Just stop! Come here, come here. ALL OF YOU, COME HERE!

Yes, chef.

(points to Ariel) You.

I'm sorry, chef. I turned around for a minute.

Look!

(interview) That lettuce, I didn't even know the fucking burner was on. (to Gordon) Sorry, chef.

What the FUCK are you doing? It's in front of your FUCKING eyes! (throws the pan in the bin) This is not possible! NOT GOOD ENOUGH ARIEL!

Yes, chef.

(holds up a piece of burnt lettuce) WHO THE FUCK'S GONNA EAT THAT? (throws it in the bin)

(interview) Black and burnt salmon garnish. (during service) Lettuce needs about 2 more minutes. (interview) It doesn't get much worse than that.

Scott, clear out, come here. Fuck off. Fuck me. [he and Sous-Chef Scott exits the kitchen and restaurant]

Is that it? Or what?

Fuck that. Absolutely fuck that.

Not worth it.

Fuck them.

What the hell is going on here?

Can't take it any more. I cannot take it any more. Un-fucking real. Oh, fuck me. That's a first.

They're gone. So, are they coming back?

I can't take it anymore. Oh, dear.

Stop.

(to Kevin in the dining room) Kevin! Now.

(interview) Oh, shit. Here we go.

Urgently, Kevin. Let's go. (Kevin enters the kitchen) I've never done that. No-one's ever pushed me that far to fucking just disappear in my own fucking restaurant. Nobody. (to Van, Ariel and Suzanne) You, you, you. Fuck off, will you, yeah? Get out of here. Just get out. All of you.

OK, there's a few out there that are executive chefs, right? [Jay and Siobhan raises their hands] OK, good. There was one I seem to remember...you, (points to Tana) with the glasses.

Yes, chef.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a mom, but I'm a cookbook author.

Never worked in a restaurant?

No, chef.

OK, let's start from the bottom. Bring your dish.

(whispering) Oh, geez.

Apart from it looking like baby vomit, what is that?

It's a veal scallopini.

(tastes the dish, whispers) Oh, God. (to the lady) Listen to me. That dish... was delicious.

(smiles) Thank you, chef.

I mean, I'm shocked. It may look slightly dull and boring, a little bit like you, but well done! (the chefs laugh) Don't look so nervous.

You're scary.

OK, let me give you a hug. (hugs her) There. Right. Relax! Relax, relax, relax.

(interview) That is not his side. He doesn't just hug people. He's not that type of person. He's not personable at all.

What a great start! If that's a sign of things to come, well done! Thank you! (kisses her on her cheeks) God, it was good! [kisses her on her lips; the chefs were shocked and started laughing]

I wanted to be first! (the others laugh)

(interview) Chef Ramsay, you're a little slutty.

(interview) I was just so stunned. Chef Ramsay really did like that dish.

That was fucking amazing. [chefs laugh again] (to the chefs) Listen to me, before we go any further: this person is not who you think she is. (the lady removes her glasses) This person...is... my wife (Tana removes her disguise), Tana. (to Tana) Take that off. [chefs gave her an applause]

(interview) Thank God it's his wife. He just, like, licked her teeth.

(to Tana) A job well done. [kisses her again]

(interview) What a filthy bastard!

(to the chefs) The point I'm trying to make is that I don't give two fucks about how much experience you've got. What I do care about is who has the magic? Who has it? She definitely has it. (to Tana) Well done, my darling.

Thank you. (to the chefs) Good luck to you all.

Thank you for helping make my point. Thank you. [chefs applaud]

[looking at Holli's signature dish] Now what the fuck is that thing there?

Halibut wrapped in a banana leaf.

And that's your signature dish? [throws away the leaf]

It's a... like a classic Indian dish.

I've been to India. I haven't seen food like that.

It's Northern Indian.

Northern Indian?

I believe... yeah, yeah, Northern Indian. I believe it's, um, has...

[tastes and spits it out] Ugh!

I messed it up a bit.

You messed it up a bit?

Yes, I did.

You're being polite! [dumps the dish in the trash] Holli, that was a disaster. One (point) for the men. Well done.

[looking at Andrew's signature dish] Right. Now, what is that?

That's steak tartare. (licks his lips, scary music plays) I guess the inspiration from that came from the fact that I've raised and butchered my own animals...and I like to eat them raw. (the other chefs are shocked by this fact) (interview) When I win this competition, I'm going to buy two walk-in coolers. That's all I want is two walk-in coolers.

Are you some form of Hell's Kitchen Hannibal Lecter?

Maybe. (interview) Then I can start butchering animals, which is what I like to do.

(tastes the tartare) Bland. What a shame. (to Nilka) OK, Nilka, why did you become a chef?

I love cooking. That's my passion. (interview) I'm a single mom with three kids. I want to teach my kids that in order to get something in life, you have to go for it. I know I'm going to win Hell's Kitchen. I will not settle for less.

And this is your...

My sweet and spicy wings.

So, chicken wings?

Uh-huh. This is an old family favorite.

(bites into a wing) Fucking hell, they're hot. My lips are fucking burning!

I apologize, chef.

How much Tabasco did you put in there?

Um, half a bottle.

Half a bottle of Tabasco?!

(whispering) We're screwed.

I apologize.

(drinks water and spits it out) Jesus shit!

Holy shit!

That's going to blow your fucking asshole out, that! Burned my mouth. Nobody gets a point, but the men win. Congratulations, well done.

While the red team gets a pep talk from Autumn, over in the blue kitchen, Chef Ramsay looks for Benjamin to maintain Hell's Kitchen's standards.

Hey, guys, get a grip, huh? And you start tasting stuff, huh?

Yes, chef. (tastes the risotto and puts the spoon back in it.)

Ah, fuck me. Hey, Benjamin!

Yes, chef?

Come here! There's customers standing right over there.

Yes, chef.

You're tasting the food and putting the spoon back in it!

Yes, chef. (interview) I stirred it. I tasted it. I stirred it again instead of dropping my spoons in the water.

You can't stand there and eat the food and dip it with your fucking saliva in there and then serve it! I'm not serving that!

Throw it away, let's start again, yeah?

Benjamin's performance has left a bad taste in Chef Ramsay's mouth.

It's 45 minutes into dinner service, and Chef Ramsay's guarantee to serve every customer is in danger.

(serving tableside) Just be patient and he'll get the entrées out.

He's hopeful that Jamie's first entrée will get things rolling in the right direction.

What in the fuck is that?

More in the oven chef, right?

Oh, leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone. (slams the beef on the stove) Just touch that there. Just all of you put your fingers on there!

Cold, chef.

Yeah, there you go.

Yes, this is very cold.

Come here, you, touch it! It's like cold cream on a fucking hot steak! (Maria laughs, Gordon stares at her) Maria, madam. Let me tell you something. There's nothing right now to laugh about. I can't get sautéed potatoes, and there, you (Stacey), she's on her third time cooking scallops, and you think it's funny?

But...you're right. Right. (laughs again)

Now she's laughing again! What's funny then, Maria?

Chef, nothing's funny.

You're not laughing, no? I'm seeing things. Hey, come here a minute, yeah. Jamie - hey, Fran, come here. You, come here. Hey: you, you, you, fuck off out of here! We'll finish the service. GET OUT! You (Siobhan), on meat!

Chef, I'm not leaving my team, chef!

I'm telling you, if you don't get out, I'll drag you out! Get upstairs to the dorm! Videos, recipes, demos, it's a fucking joke!