Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Where's the scallops?

One minute, guys.

MOVE YOUR ASS!

Ladies, ready. Scallops here, Chef.

Let's go. You've got no color on the scallops. Shit. Tennille! I've got no color on the scallops. Look, they're boiled.

(to Tennille) That happens when you put too much oil in the pan. They end up marinating themselves, ok?

(interview) Suzanne likes to Hear. Her. Self. Talk!

There's too much oil in the pan.

(interview) She needs somebody to smack her in her face and tell her to shut the hell up.

What are you doing with them now? You can't put the same ones back in the pan! Oh my god.

Yes, Chef.

YOU CAN'T PUT THE RUBBER ONES BACK IN THE PAN!

Just forget about that one, Tennille. Here, give that to me.

Oh my god.

How long Tennille?

(interview) You're talking to me! You're talking to me!

Tennille, how you doing?

(interview) Get out of the way, and let me cook my food!

Can you do it? Or shall I do it?

I can do it, Chef.

Let's go.

You ready? On those scallops? How much longer?

Tennille, how long?

MOVE YOUR ASS!

Yes, Chef.

Tennille, if you sink our ship, I'm going to be pissed.

Listen-

Fuck! What are you doing? What are you doing?

There's too many people talking to me at one time, and I'm just trying to do what you told me to do.

Ok, so do it then.

Yes, Chef.

And get rid of them.

Yes, Chef.

Take control of the situation.

Thank you, Chef.

Let's go, madame! Scallops please with the capellini, yes?

Yes, Chef. Yes Chef. (interview) Man, I almost sank the ship! (bringing scallops up) Scallops to the pass. (interview) But after they got out of my way, I was good to go. Did anybody notice that?

(after sparing Lovely and Tennille from elimination) Now listen up: Because Joseph took himself out of the competition, tonight you get a gift--and I'm not sending anybody home. Last chance.

Yes, chef!

Understand?

Yes, chef!

And I've got one more thing to say to you - in fact, to you all: (in Joseph's tone) I'm nob'dy's bitch. (everyone laughs)

Amanda!

Yes, Chef!

Twelve threes?

Nine! (that was the correct answer when she incorrectly made eight lamb chops [three portions of three, but she incorrectly said the answer to that question four times])

Oh, my God.

Thirty-six chef. Thirty-six, I'm sorry, Chef.

Where's the chicken?!

Come on! Come on!

(rushing with the chicken) Right behind you.

Go now! (to Andy) Hey, fucking nitwit. That is fucking raw.

Oh man! (interview) Here we go again!

(gets in Andy's face) You get that ready by the time the rest of the fucking table is ready to go, you got it?!

Yes, chef.

GO!

Right, that was close. Ladies, you've beaten by the sides.

(raises her right hand) Chef, can I get a play-by-play on that?

Yeah, first of all, okay? I'm telling you, straight to your face, you lost. And here's one more thing: you did have one more member than the men. They did it with 11 arms. So play-by-play, take it on the fucking chin, with a little bit of respect. End of fucking story.

On order: Four New York strip; two medium well, two well done.

Yes, Chef!

Let's go!

Hey, Jim, make sure you're keeping a count on your steaks; it's a lot more popular than we thought it was gonna be.

Yes, Chef!

(reading the next order) After that, five New York strip; one rare, hey! Four normal!

(interview) As soon as the first four steaks came in and then another five behind that, I went: "So this is the game we're playing tonight. It's Steak-O-Rama here in Hell's Kitchen."

(to Jim) So, I'm gonna try to be your backup here. (interview) All the tickets are coming in, and Jim's getting just... bombed. I'm a little worried right now. But I will bail him out because I'm the fucking man.

Hey, five New York strip, how long? (Jim doesn't respond) Jim doesn't even answer me! Who's counting it down, Jim?!

Five minutes, Chef! Five minutes!

Jim! (Jim finally acknowledges Gordon) Have you switched off?

No, I have not switched off!

So what's going next?!

Right now is... one rare, four mid...

Hey, Van! VAN! No no no, stop stop stop, you'll burn someone... (grabs Van's smoking pan and takes it over to the sink)

(to Kevin) What is it? Tell me, quick, while he's not looking!

Four mid-rare, one rare. (interview) When people get all fucked up like that, it's cool, 'cause I sit back, 'cause I know I can bail them out, so it makes me look like a hero.

(returning to the pass) Kevin!

Yes, Chef!

Can you tell Jim what's going next?

I just did, Chef!

Thank you very much!

(interview) This is fun!

(to Tek, regarding the steaks on the grill) You need to organize them a little better so we can get more on.

I know, I'm going to. Just chill for a second. (interview) This is my station, and I know what I'm doing, so... back off.

Stand by, yes? Away shortly; five New York strip, one chicken! (Tek ignores him) She's not even answering me...

Five strip, coming up now!

NO ONE'S GOT MY BACK HERE! Tek!

Five strip, one chicken, walking up now!

Let's go, then! Where's the strip?

(brings the garnish to the pass) Five orders...

(sighs) Fuck off, Tek... Tek! (brings the steaks to Tek's station) That's fucking... that's still blue in there, yeah? Just touch that on top there, touch. Come on, touch it Suzanne! Touch!

(touches the steaks) Get it back in the oven.

Fingers are going right through it; it's blue!

Do you have room to start grilling off more?

Yeah, I will in one second.

(grabs more raw steaks) These are flatter, okay? These are thinner.

(interview) There were like, five people working a one-person station. Like, I know how to cook; I'm not a fucking dumbass. (back in the kitchen) Unfortunately, there aren't numerous hot places on the grill.

Okay, mark them and throw them in the oven; I've got a 500-degree oven back here.

(interview) You can't rely on that grill to cook your food for you! The grill has a purpose in that moment, and that purpose is to mark your food, and then you finish it in the oven!

Where's the steaks?

(brings the steaks to the pass) Coming up with steaks!

(checks the steaks) Now they're burnt... (brings the steaks back to Tek) I am fucking so upset! That's nicely cooked, that's nicely cooked, and then what are they for?

They're black! How can I serve THAT and THAT on the SAME TABLE, TEK?!?

Sorry, Chef!

I'M SO EMBARRASSED!! What's the matter with you, madam?! HALF THE DINING ROOM HAVE GOT THEIR ENTRÉES!! YOUR HALF ARE STANDING, STARING!!

(interview) Tek talks more of a game, but if she can't back it up, she's going home.

THIS MAY NOT BE IMPORTANT FOR YOU, MADAM, HEY- BUT MADAM, THIS IS FUCKING SERIOUS, AND YOU'RE SHIT!!! (to the servers) Yeah, just take the fucking lot back, will you? Get out my sight...

Oh, come on. This is not possible! (returns to the workstation) Come here! All of you, come here!

(interview) Whatever it is, it's not my fault.

This is not fucking possible! This cannot be true! [gets a piece of lobster] What is that there? What is that there?! WHAT IS THAT?!

This is---.

Yeah, its fucking raw! RAW!! [kicks the bins]

(interview) Come on, Amanda! All you have to do is put the lobster on the grill, make sure it didn't char, baste it and send it up. That's all you had to do!

It's a fucking restaurant, not a sushi bar! How can you get confused on a raw fucking grilled lobster?! I don't know where to go! I can't even turn and look at the dining room, I'm so fucking embarrassed! This is still your first table... (points to the Blue kitchen) that's their last! FUCK OFF!! WE HAVEN'T SENT AN ENTRÉE OUT!! STUPID COWS!!! [crosses over to the Blue kitchen, where the men are starting to clear down] Oh, fucking hell... Hey, have you all finished?

Desserts chef.

Desserts? Kevin, stay on desserts. All of you, come in here! Hey guys, get on a section will you, please, yes?

(interview) AWWW! Add insult to injury, rub salt in the wound, what... just... happened?

Away now: Two penne, three New York Strip, two chicken, one catfish!

Yes, chef!

(interview) AAAAAAAAGH! YEEAAAAH BOOOOOYS! (cups his ear) That's right. I can hear it. It's them bitches crying!

Do you need anything?

No, I'm cool. (interview) It was just scraps of meat, everywhere. It was a kitchen-pocalypse. Like a hand grenade went off in a cow's ass.

Gentlemen, I can't wait for a fantastic dessert. I hope it's substantial. You've probably saved the best until last.

(interview) Man, that had better be a giant piece of chocolate something, to beat us!

(interview) I was worried, the girls had some really nice stuff. This has got to kick some ass.

(interview) I make an apple fruit compote every day of my life. No problem.

Oh, come on. What is that?

(interview) When Chef Ramsay laughed, it definitely like, stung. I felt like a loser. (Ramsay samples the dessert) Chef, we have an egg white crepe filled with a fruit compote, and we have a blackberry and vanilla yoghurt cream.

It tastes... foul. That's the kind of crap they serve when you have a heart bypass or an ulcer operation, that is a joke. Back in line, Dave.

Chef, it's raw in the center.

Oh, no... Hey, ladies! All of you, c'mere a minute! I'm FED UP with it! (shows them the dish) Give me an answer for that! That's raw pork!

(interview) Sabrina sent out... raw, raw pork. You can't send out raw pork. It will make you... seriously ill.

Gimme a fucking answer!

It's me.

Yeah, oh, is it-?! (smashes the plate in the trash can) FUCK OFF! (pulls the raw pork chop out of the trash) "It's me?!" (shows Sabrina the pork chop) Hey, you- just touch that!

Yes, Chef. (interview) Sorry, Chef. That's my bad. Oopsy-doopsy.

How can you do that?

I have no excuse, Chef.

Chef...

Oh, f- get away... NOT the Blue Team.

No, it's the Red Kitchen.

The Red? (shows the undercooked lamb to the Red Team) Yeah- oh, damn, there you go! Come here!

What?

Medium-well, what'd they request?! (close-up of the lamb)

They were medium-well!

That is not medium-WELL!! YOU'RE ARGUING THE CUSTOMER'S WRONG?!?

No, Chef!

RAW PORK, UNDERCOOKED LAMB, NOW YOU'RE BLAMING THE CUSTOMER!!!

No, Chef.

C'mere, you.

Yes, chef.

(to the Blue Kitchen) Andy?

Yes, Chef.

Hey, c'mere. (Andy walks over to meet Sabrina and Gordon) You (Sabrina) think the customer's wrong, yes? And you (Andy) can't fucking cook.

Yes, Chef.

(to Sabrina) SWITCH IT OFF. (to Andy) You, FUCK off, will you?

Yes, Chef.

All of you! Come here, come here, come here. Come here! (to Kevin) Hey, Kevin, you're starting to piss me off! PUT IT DOWN! When I ask you to stop with you're doing, you better fucking stop it. Come here! Cocky. OUT OF THE WAY. (grabs a rabbit) Fucking raw! (throws the rabbit on the floor) (Kevin) Happy now? You're standing there tossing your tagliatelle to make yourself look good, I'm serving raw rabbit, CHEF?

Understood, chef.

(to Robert) You! Fuck off.

Yeah? Yes, chef.

DON'T START ACTING LIKE A BABY OVER IT!

I'M NOT ACTING LIKE-!

SHUT IT! SWITCH IT OFF! ALL OF YOU, YOU'RE DONE!

Fuck!

Robert, tell me why do think you should stay in Hell's Kitchen on the back of that performance?

My history here in Hell's Kitchen never been on the block once. And I'm disgusted that I even share the same fucking stage this guy (Andy) right here. Been here three times not bad for the team always fucking around.

Oh, fucking hell... What's the matter?

Raw, chef.

What?

It's not cooked.

Oh, fucking hell. Sabrina!

Yes, chef?

Look, raw! Like you're still running around in the fucking field! Is that on purpose?!

No, chef!

So WHY?!

(interview) I should have stuck to my grounds when I said it wasn't ready. I said we can't go and Suzanne forced me to go. Suzie fucked me.

Hey madam! Madam, come here! (gives her the lamb) Take that.

Yes, chef.

Inconsistent, dry lamb on the outside, raw in the centre, fuck off and eat it! (leads Sabrina to the dining room) There you go! Taste your own medicine! PISS OFF!!

Thank you, chef. (interview) Are you kidding? Chef kicked me out of the kitchen, and I'm not with my team anymore. It's like the worst of worsts. (sighs)

Two sea bass, halibut, lamb, yes?

Yes, Chef!

How long?

One minute, Chef!

One minute, let's go!

(to Suzanne) I can go with that lamb, are you ready?

Sounds good; I'm ready.

I got the garnish!

You got that?

(bringing the lamb up) One lamb, medium, coming to the pass! (to Tennille) S'cuse me, behind you...

Sea bass, Suzanne!

I need another minute, sorry.

(to the server) Stop.

Fuck! If they would just-! (interview) Oh, not again!

Come on, fucking hell, come on...

Sorry, Chef. I thought I could do it, but...

Well, I'm fucking out to dry now, aren't I? I'm standing here with my fucking pants down again.

Just one minute, Chef! One minute!

Still one minute?

(to the Red Team) Everybody buckle down and let's go! We can do this!

Tennille! And you wonder why I go fucking apeshit? Stand here for five minutes and see how PAINFUL it is!

Understood, Chef. (interview) Everybody's got their stuff up! We don't wanna hold up the whole thing and let it get cold!

(to Suzanne) I'm not gonna- it's not gonna die here!

No, Chef!

Thirty seconds sea bass, yes?

Yes, Chef! (checks her sea bass, and it breaks) Shit! Fuck me!

Come ON!

Sorry, guys. (to Gordon) Chef, I killed the table.

TAKE THE FUCKING TRAY BACK!! Fuck off with you, yeah?! Fuck- fuck right off, yeah?! (takes the tray containing the rest of the order) There you go! (hands the tray to Suzanne) Yeah, that's you! Take it back!

(interview) NOW WE GOTTA DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN?! THANKS A LOT, SUZANNE!

You fucking shitting me?! UGH!!

RIGHT NOW, I AM NOT GONNA START SERVING HALF A FUCKING TABLE! NO CHANCE!

No, Chef!

AND NOW YOU'RE DRAGGING THE FUCKING KITCHEN!

(to Suzanne) We're behind. We gotta pick it up, okay?

I'm trying to go as fast as I can!

(interview) SUZANNE! SUNK! THE! SHIP! She sunk us! Left us on the curb!

(to Suzanne) DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Guys, I can't have my station be a fucking dump pit!