Andy quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(to Van) Don't run in the restaurant, please?

(interview) Jean-Philippe better stop trying to tell me what to do. I know that.

I'm going to explode. I'm going to explode, my friend! Listen to me!

(interview) WHOA, WHOA! JP! He's about to like pound him down. DAMN!

(to Van and even turns red) Listen! Listen! LISTEN TO ME!

(interview) I cannot believe I'm seeing this.

Listen to me!

(interview) He's going to fucking hit him.

(to Van) We have a problem here!

(interview) Hit him!

(to Jean-Philippe) Don't touch me, bro! You better get out of my face! (JP pushes Van)

OI! Hey, stop! Hey both of you, come here! (referring Van) Bozo, both of you, come here! NOW!

I'm going to fuck you up, bro. (interview) We're going to get it down and it's going to be a first round knockout.

What's is going on?

(referring Van) He's got no respect, Chef.

DON'T SHOUT! [shouting] WE'RE IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMERS NOW!

I'm sorry, Chef.

He's not respecting his dining room, Chef.

(interview) Bitch, shut the fuck up. He thinks he's some kind of boss man around here and he ain't nothing.

(to Van) Calm down, listen to him. (to Jean-Philippe) And you, pay a little bit to respect. [points to Van] And if you do your job, [points to Jean-Philippe] And if you do your job, we'll come together. 'Cause right now, you're turning the whole place upside down, are you going to do it?

(referring Van) If he listens to me.

(to Jean-Philippe) ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?

Yes, I will if he listens to me.

(to Van) ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?

Yes, chef.

Last chance.

[Letting Van out of the pantry first] Ladies first.

Where's the chicken?

Just a second. I'll cook it a little bit more.

[sees what Andy is doing] Oh, no. Oh, dear. We're cutting up a piece of chicken and frying it off. What do you think it is, chicken nuggets? OI!!! Come here you! Now you've cut them up like it's a chicken nugget, and fryin' them off?

Yes, chef.

You fuckin' donkey!

(interview) Andy, if you're sitting there all night long with a meat thermometer on your arm, why are you not checking the chickens? What the fuck is it doing on your arm? It don't look good on you.

[grabs Andy's pan] Is that how you cook in Whistler?

No, chef.

So why are you cooking it like it now?

I made a mistake chef.

(choosing which chef to nominate) I don't know. Van's the one that almost punched JP. (to Van) I think you need to be up there.

Fuck you, Jim! Dude, I don't give a fuck-

Dude, I'm just saying-

I'm just fucking saying, bro.

You can't almost- You can't almost punch a waiter in front of the dining room!

I'll punch you in your face!

That's how you're going to go out? You're going to come at me?

Suck my fucking dick. What you wanna do, bro? STOP FUCKING LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! You're about to get fucked up, bro. [mocking Jim's decision] "Oh, I think you should go up there." Bitch, I was out there rocking the dining room. They love Van!

(interview) Van's a powder keg. His temper starts going, and then he has this fuck-the-world attitude.

(while walking away from the blue team) Stop looking at me like that, bro. I'ma fuck you up.

(interview) Burn yourself out, dude. Burn yourself out with all that anger.

(to the blue team about Van's meltdown) You don't talk to your team like that.

Where's the chicken?!

Come on! Come on!

(rushing with the chicken) Right behind you.

Go now! (to Andy) Hey, fucking nitwit. That is fucking raw.

Oh man! (interview) Here we go again!

(gets in Andy's face) You get that ready by the time the rest of the fucking table is ready to go, you got it?!

Yes, chef.

GO!

Oh, come on. This is not possible! (returns to the workstation) Come here! All of you, come here!

(interview) Whatever it is, it's not my fault.

This is not fucking possible! This cannot be true! [gets a piece of lobster] What is that there? What is that there?! WHAT IS THAT?!

This is---.

Yeah, its fucking raw! RAW!! [kicks the bins]

(interview) Come on, Amanda! All you have to do is put the lobster on the grill, make sure it didn't char, baste it and send it up. That's all you had to do!

It's a fucking restaurant, not a sushi bar! How can you get confused on a raw fucking grilled lobster?! I don't know where to go! I can't even turn and look at the dining room, I'm so fucking embarrassed! This is still your first table... (points to the Blue kitchen) that's their last! FUCK OFF!! WE HAVEN'T SENT AN ENTRÉE OUT!! STUPID COWS!!! [crosses over to the Blue kitchen, where the men are starting to clear down] Oh, fucking hell... Hey, have you all finished?

Desserts chef.

Desserts? Kevin, stay on desserts. All of you, come in here! Hey guys, get on a section will you, please, yes?

(interview) AWWW! Add insult to injury, rub salt in the wound, what... just... happened?

Away now: Two penne, three New York Strip, two chicken, one catfish!

Yes, chef!

(interview) AAAAAAAAGH! YEEAAAAH BOOOOOYS! (cups his ear) That's right. I can hear it. It's them bitches crying!

Do you need anything?

No, I'm cool. (interview) It was just scraps of meat, everywhere. It was a kitchen-pocalypse. Like a hand grenade went off in a cow's ass.

Gentlemen, I can't wait for a fantastic dessert. I hope it's substantial. You've probably saved the best until last.

(interview) Man, that had better be a giant piece of chocolate something, to beat us!

(interview) I was worried, the girls had some really nice stuff. This has got to kick some ass.

(interview) I make an apple fruit compote every day of my life. No problem.

Oh, come on. What is that?

(interview) When Chef Ramsay laughed, it definitely like, stung. I felt like a loser. (Ramsay samples the dessert) Chef, we have an egg white crepe filled with a fruit compote, and we have a blackberry and vanilla yoghurt cream.

It tastes... foul. That's the kind of crap they serve when you have a heart bypass or an ulcer operation, that is a joke. Back in line, Dave.

Chef...

Oh, f- get away... NOT the Blue Team.

No, it's the Red Kitchen.

The Red? (shows the undercooked lamb to the Red Team) Yeah- oh, damn, there you go! Come here!

What?

Medium-well, what'd they request?! (close-up of the lamb)

They were medium-well!

That is not medium-WELL!! YOU'RE ARGUING THE CUSTOMER'S WRONG?!?

No, Chef!

RAW PORK, UNDERCOOKED LAMB, NOW YOU'RE BLAMING THE CUSTOMER!!!

No, Chef.

C'mere, you.

Yes, chef.

(to the Blue Kitchen) Andy?

Yes, Chef.

Hey, c'mere. (Andy walks over to meet Sabrina and Gordon) You (Sabrina) think the customer's wrong, yes? And you (Andy) can't fucking cook.

Yes, Chef.

(to Sabrina) SWITCH IT OFF. (to Andy) You, FUCK off, will you?

Yes, Chef.

Okay, guys! Away now: the halibut, sea bass, and two lamb!

I'm not gonna make it on potatoes! I'm out of mash!

You'd better find a way to make some mashed potatoes right now!

Can anybody help me with potatoes?

I'll get the potatoes!

Thank you!

(interview) Andy ran out of mashed potatoes, so I rushed into the back of the house and grabbed some. (returns to the kitchen with a container of potato pieces) I got all these potato ends, I could make mash with that.

(to Andy and Dave) I just want you to know that I am fucking handcuffed right now because we need to wait on potatoes.

(walks into the Blue Kitchen, unaware of what happened) Wait, what's the matter?

We're waiting on potatoes.

Potatoes?

I'm gonna make 'em really fast. Really fast!

We're now fucking standing still with no mashed potato. Whistler, here I come. Yeah, fucking useless... (to Andy) Hey, you. (gives him the come-hither) Do me a favor, yeah? Go and tell tables 15, 5 and 4, yeah? We're short on mash. Let's go! HURRY UP!

Yes.

FUCK OFF!

(to the Blue Team) Watch my stuff, please. (leaves the kitchen)

GET IN THERE!!!

What else do we have to do?

AH! (cuts his finger when slicing a potato) Fuck me! FUCK!

Medic! I need a medic!

Are you serious?

Umm, it's just a cut, second on the middle thumb, middle finger. It's getting in the fingers too. (reveals that the tips of 3 of his fingers are almost cut off completely, and a dissonant chord plays)

(interview) Andy, like, the tips of his fingers were literally taken off. It was so deep and so horrible.

(Dispatching to the paramedics) I have Andy. He needs to go to the clinic and needs stitches on its all three fingers.

I need double risotto made while I make a crepe.

(working on his meat entrées) I can work your risotto; give me one minute.

Get over here one second; I'm ready to go.

You got two risotto here?

Yes, two risotto.

(works on the risottos) I got it. (interview) I said I was gonna help Andy all night, but, uh... I'm really getting pummeled.

Lamb, please!

Comin' right up!

Where's the tagliatelle?

Right here.

Where's the risotto?

I have a risotto.

Where's the steaks?

And steak!

Lamb! (claps hands)

Let's go! Risotto, please!

Yes, Chef! (runs back-and-forth between all his dishes)

(interview) Dave's running around in the kitchen all crazy, slidin' around. Dave's got one arm, but that boy can cook!

Tagliatelle!

Yes, Chef! Right here!

Now! (claps hands)

Coming up right up to the window, Chef! (rushes the lamb and sauce to the pass, along with the tagliatelle) Tongs! Give me tongs, please! (someone hands him tongs) I got it! (rushes the tongs to the pass and puts them in the tagliatelle) Tagliatelle in the window.

(tastes the risotto) Dave! Don't take this the wrong way, but you're ten thousand times better cook with one hand!

(interview; fist-pumps) WOO!

I'll finish two crepes.

(interview) Andy was just fucking up all night long. He's just turn into a disaster. (to Andy) Bring one crepe up, and I'll follow with another.

Andy, what aren't you doing anything?

He's (Kevin) assisting me, chef.

You're not assisting him, you're doing it! And he's standing there watching you. (to Andy) Hey, you! Hey, come here! Do me a favour: FUCK OFF! UPSTAIRS! GET OUT! PISS OFF! (to the remaining members of the Blue team) Anyone who acts like a fucking idiot can piss off! (to Van) Hello! Are you listening?

I'm listening chef.

Next fucking person out! Concentrate!

Yes, chef!