Mabel Pines quotes from Gravity Falls

YES WE STAN! YES, WE STAN!

[on TV] This just in! Stanford Pines loses! [a picture of Stan with the word "DISQUALIFIED" on it is shown]

[watching] WHAT?!

Despite winning an overwhelming 95% of the vote, election officials had to disqualify him, due to discovery of an extensive criminal record.

Stan

Oh boy...

Mabel

Stan, what did you do?!

Stan

What didn't I do?

[reading through papers] Crimes include shoplifting, teaching bears to drive, a new crime he invented called "burgle-bezzlement", first-degree "llama-cide"...?

Stan

[shakes fist] That llama knew too much!

Due to this shocking development, it would appear the mayorship passes to the only candidate who actually filled out their paperwork: local enthusiasm enthusiast Tyler Cutebiker.

Tyler

[blushing] Got it.

[is handed a gigantic stack of paper to read from] We will dedicate the rest of this broadcast to listing Stan's crimes: first-degree thermometer theft, pug trafficking...

Stan

Whew! At least they didn't list any of the bad ones! On an unrelated topic, I have a lot of cheap pugs and I need to move them fast.

Yo, C-beth, are you seriously pulling this "pure of heart" scam again?

That is messed up, man.

Mabel

Wait, "scam"?

Kid, unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music! [horn lights up and plays music]

Yeah, the whole "pure of heart" racket is just a line we use to get humans to leave us alone.

[awkwardly] Guys, shut up...

Mabel

[enraged] All this time... all this time, I thought I was a bad person, but you're even worse than I am!

Okay, fine! So you learned our secret. We're jerks, okay? We have more hair than we know what to do with, and we keep it to ourselves just to tick humans off. What are you gonna do about it? Huh, huh? What are you gonna do?!

Wendy

Woo! Go, Mabel!

Join the dark side!

Ford

You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel.

Mabel

Thanks, Grunkle Ford, but today I learned that morality is relative.

Stan

[runs past, grabbing a pile of gold] MONEY!

Dipper

I still feel a little bad about wrecking those tourist traps.

Stan

Aw, come on! Everyone loves my pranks. And the best part is, I never have to face any consequen- SWEET LORD! [Stan stops the RV and sees the Mystery Shack already vandalised by the three tourist trap owners] AH, COME ON!

That's what you get! That's what you get!

Stan

I don't understand. I completely don't deserve this.

Dipper

Oh, man, are we gonna have to help clean this up?

Mabel

Nah, I'm sure Soos will take care of it. Where is Soos, anyway?

Soos

Okay, Soos, remember what your grandma taught you. When you get lost, stay exactly where you are, and don't move. [pause] Don't move. [another long pause] You know, I would make a really good scarecrow.

Wendy

My dawgs! What up?

Mabel

Wendy, what are you doing here?

Wendy

Ugh, high school registration.

Mabel

Ooh! You know, I'm only a year away from high school myself. Would you say your experience is more "rom-com", or "wacky romp"?

Wendy

More like "teen horror movie". High school is the worst. Classes get super-hard, your body just flat out turns against you, and worst of all, everybody hates you!

Can't do it! CAN'T DO ANOTHER YEAR!

Robbie

My hormones are like a SWEATY CAGE!

Mabel

Why aren't they singing about following their dreams? TV taught me that high school was like some sort of musical.

Wendy

TV lied, man! If you can avoid growing up, do it! I'd give anything to be twelve again.

Stan

Hey, everything all right, pumpkin?

Mabel

Just can't believe the summer's almost over. And now that I know how awful high school's going to be, I'm in no hurry to start that train wreck.

Stan

Ah, nobody likes gettin' older. But just because you're growing doesn't mean you have to grow up, you know? I mean, look at me. I'm pushin' 70 and I still eat ice cream for dinner!

Mabel

But I don't wanna say goodbye to Gravity Falls.

Stan

Hey, at least whatever happens after this summer, you'll still have your brother along with you through thick and thin. Not everyone can say that, you know?

Mabel

Tell me it's not true, Dipper. Tell me you were joking. [holds up the walkie-talkie, through which she heard Dipper and Ford's conversation] Ford's apprentice? Seriously?!

Dipper

Look, I was thinking, and... this is a huge opportunity for me.

Mabel

Well, it's a horrible opportunity for me! I had the worst day of my life! When we turn thirteen, summer ends and I have to leave everything behind. You're the only person I could count on, and now you're leaving me too?!

Dipper

Look, I've been thinking about it. I won't be gone forever, okay? I'll still visit you at home, and we'll chat online. We'll make it work.

Mabel

I don't want it to work! I just wish summer could last forever.

Dipper

But it can't, Mabel. Look, things aren't gonna stay frozen this way. It's part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.

Dipper

Mabel, wait! I didn't mean it like that! Mabel, come back!

"Blendin"

Look, maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a Time Bubble. It prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!

Mabel

R-really? But how does it work?

"Blendin"

I-I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle. [shows the rift] Something small; he won't even know it's missing.

Mabel

Huh...Maybe Dipper has something like that in his nerd bag.

Ford

Let me guess. Mabel didn't take it well?

Dipper

I don't know, maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I need to think about this.

Ford

Dipper, right now we need to focus on the mission. Now come on, I've got the glue; hand me the rift and let's make history.

Dipper

What? OH, NO! THE RIFT!

Mabel

Huh, that's...odd. Is this it?

"Blendin"

Yes, that's it! Just hand it over and I'll do my thing...unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls?

Mabel

Just a little more summer...[hands over the rift]

"Blendin"

OOPS! [drops the rift and smashes it with his boot]

Mabel

What?!

Mabel

Oh, no! Wait, wait, wait!

Bill

At last! At long, long last! The gate between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesied has come to pass! The day has come! THE WORLD IS FINALLY MINE!

Dipper

[pants] Oh my gosh! This is crazy. I'm-I'm losing my mind. We have to get out of here. We have to go back... to the real world!

Dipper

Hey!

Under Article Smiley Face of Exhibit Squeaky Duck, you are hereby accused of breaking our one rule—mentioning reality. [people mutter indistinctly] Prepare to be banished from this land forever! [open a portal out to much-destroyed Gravity Falls]

Dipper

Mabel! You're smarter than this! Bill has you hypnotized or something! Are you really gonna let them banish me!?!

Mabel

No! Of course not! That's my brother, guys! There's gotta be another way.

Very well. If Dipper wishes to stay, he must plead his case in the ultimate trial... of fantasy vs. reality. [is bitten] Hey! Seriously?!

Soos

[pointing to a stuffed rhino] It was him.

Dipper

Mabel, I thought you were living a fantasy, but look at me! I actually thought I was gonna stay here and be Ford's apprentice! Spend my entire teens cooped up in a basement with a labcoat? How ridiculous is that? I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but whatever it is, you don't have to fear, because we'll do it together. I'm not taking Ford's apprenticeship. We've travelled to Heck and back to get you, and we're goin' back together. Leave this fantasy world. Let's beat Bill and grow up together.

ORDER! ORDER! [Bangs mallet] ORDER IN THE COURT! DANG IT, why is this hammer squeaky?!

Mabel

You mean it? You're really coming home with me?

Dipper

Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. Awkward sibling hug?

Just don't do it!

DON'T DO IT!

You do this and it's all over!

Mabel

Sincere sibling hug. [Hugs Dipper]

DON'T DO THE PATS!

[Pat each other] Pat pat. [A ripple comes from their spot, blowing Judge Kitty Kitty Meow Meow Face-Shwartstein's wig away and one of the benches falls over. All of the jurors disappear]

Mabel

[Rubs eyes] Aw, man, I never noticed how bright this place is, ugh! Have I actually been listening to the same song for an entire week?

Bill

Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!

Dipper

No! Don't do it!

Mabel

Yeah, Bill makes bad deals!

Bill

Don't you toy with me, Shooting Star! [his eye shows an image of a galaxy] I SEE EVERYTHI- [Mabel sprays it with paint] OW! Not again! Why?! Every time!

Stan

Nice shot, pumpkin!

Bill

I just regenerated that eye!

Mabel

I know that hurts, because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!