Grunkle Stan quotes from Gravity Falls

Stan

But enough about me. Behold, me! [reveals wax figure of himself]

Stan

[After a wave of cash washes over him on "Cash Wheel."] I'm giving none of this to charity.

Stan

I'm Stan, and I was wrong. I'm singing the Stan Wrong Song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance.

Stan

Yes, yes... burn the child.

Stan

Now all I've got to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens... This was a good plan.

Stan

Man, that's refreshing. Ten suck-up points to this lemonade. [In high-pitched voice] Thank you, Stan[Normal] Ten more for politeness. Oh, and so sweet.

Stan

The dumb thing must be hungry. I guess it's you or me, pig. What are you looking at? Aw, come on, don't give me that look. What am I supposed to do, let it eat me? Oh, I get it. You're trying to guilt me. Well, it ain't working, pal. Who cares if you're Mabel's favorite thing in the world? I can live without the kid talking to me all the time. Telling me her jokes. Making me laugh.

Stan

[chuckles, then hears the pterodactyl] Aw, dang it. [as the pterodactyl flies straight for them] Well, this is just about the dumbest thing I've ever done. [dons the "Huggy Wuvvy Tummy Bundle" and puts Waddles in it] You want this pig?! THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME, YOU FLYING DEVIL! COME AND GET ME!

Stan

Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: It sucks more than anything. [door slams shut] Gotta work on that.

Stan

[fighting zombies] All right, you undead jerks, you ready to die twice?! The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is ME!

Stan

[at the Mystery Shack door holding a lantern] Well, hello there, traveller. I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road. A place so remote that no one can hear your screams. [the traveller backs away] Pretend I didn't say that. Come in, come in, but be warned—if you enter, you may be subjected to my tales. "Tales Designed to Sell My Merchandise".

Stan

Sorry, I was thinking of somethin' funny I heard earlier.

Stan

Movies are great. You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you - next thing you know, you gotta raise a kid, your life falls apart. Forget that last part.

Grunkle Stan

And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face.

Does it look like a rock?

Grunkle Stan

No, it looks like a face.

Is it a face?

Grunkle Stan

It's a rock that looks like a face.

Dipper

Over here! Grunkle Stan?

Grunkle Stan

For the fifth time, it's not an actual face.

Grunkle Stan

It's Family Fun Day, genius! We're cuttin' off work and having one of those, you know, bonding-type deals.

Dipper

Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?

Grunkle Stan

You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman. [Sirens in distance] Uh-oh.

Mabel

The county jail was so cold.

Grunkle Stan

Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?

YAY!

Dipper

Wait, what?

Dipper

Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?

Grunkle Stan

Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be. What is that, a woodpecker? [drives into the woods, crashes into a sign]

AAH!

Dipper

Grunkle Stan why do you want to bond with us all of a sudden?

Grunkle Stan

C'mon this is gonna be great. I've never had fishin' buddies before. The guys at the lodge won't go with me. They don't "like or trust" me.