Grenda quotes from Gravity Falls

3, 4, 5. [Phone rings.] It's him, my dream date. Hello?

Hello baby, this is Kevin. My beach house has room for 2.

Candy

Kevin has the voice of a robot.

Don't ruin this for me, Candy.

Candy

Kevin, for the last time, I am not interested.

How could you say that to Kevin?

Dipper

[in Grenda's body] Oh, no! Then again, I like having muscles for once.

[in Mabel's body] Wow! Now I have tiny little doll hands!

[in McGucket's body] Cool, I'm Santa Claus.

McGucket

[in Candy's body] Whoo-ee! [laughs] I've regained my innocence!

Dipper

[in Waddles' body] Well, I guess I'm a pig now. So, that's a thing.

Soos

[in Grenda's body] This body's not that different from my old one.

Officer Blubs

[in McGucket's body] My horoscope didn't say anything about this.

[in Dipper's body] AHH! What's happenin' to me?!

Candy

[in Officer Blubs' body] I am police officer now.

[in Officer Durland's body] Let's go bust some perps, Candy.

Mabel

You guys can't ruin this for me. Mabel's got backup.

Hey guys.

Candy

Woo-Hoo.

Mabel

I'm ready for the greatest night of our live. [singing] "How many times am I gonna love ya?"

"SEV'RAL TIMEZ!"

Dipper

Uhhh, GIRLS.

Wendy

I know, Right?

Ohh, WHO goes there? Prepare to be danced at.

Step off Deep Chris. She's a lady. Don't disrespect her bro. Don't disrespect.

MY bad.

Chubby Z let's calm this boo by posin' for her, poster-style.

Mabel

Whoo! Trying hard not to let my brain explode. I've always wanted to meet you guys, But what was the deal with that scary chubb-chubb man?

Mr. Bratzman's our producer, Yo.

He genetically engineered us to be the perfect boy band, G.

But he keeps us in cages. That junk is straight brutal girl.

Mabel

That is straight brutal Chubby Z.

Our one dream is to escape into the REAL world - for real. Yo, I heard about these things called trees. I don't know what they are, but I wanna kiss one.

But we can't disobey Mr. Bratzman. He says he loves us.

Mabel

If he loved you, he'd set you free.

True dat, true dat.

That's a valid perspective.

Mabel

Let's go right now. Me and my friends can help you escape.

We're Masters of STEALTH!

Yo, You'd really do that for us beef?

Mabel

You can count on me. I'm sorry, did you just call me beef?

Grenda, was it? I must speak with you. There is something about you - I can't get you out of my head. You're so bold and confident! I know you are probably out of my league, but, might I give you mein phone number?

I don't have a phone! Write it on my face!

Mabel

Whoa! Go, Grenda.

Candy

I guess we shouldn't have sold her short. I call bridesmaid.

Mabel

What? I call co-bridesmaid.

[trades two bags for a jar containing butterflies] Two bags of fairy dust, just like we agreed.

[checks bags] Where do you get this stuff?

Everyone likes sausage, but no one likes to know how it’s made.

[takes off shades] You disgust me.

You've got your poison, I've got mine. We made a deal.

Yeah, well, the deal is OFF!

Freeze! You're under arrest! Get down! Get down!

These butterflies aren't mine! I swear! I've been framed!

Tell it to the adorable owl we've dressed as a judge! [to Grenda] My cut? [Grenda gives him one of the bags]

Yo, C-beth, are you seriously pulling this "pure of heart" scam again?

That is messed up, man.

Mabel

Wait, "scam"?

Kid, unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music! [horn lights up and plays music]

Yeah, the whole "pure of heart" racket is just a line we use to get humans to leave us alone.

[awkwardly] Guys, shut up...

Mabel

[enraged] All this time... all this time, I thought I was a bad person, but you're even worse than I am!

Okay, fine! So you learned our secret. We're jerks, okay? We have more hair than we know what to do with, and we keep it to ourselves just to tick humans off. What are you gonna do about it? Huh, huh? What are you gonna do?!

Wendy

Woo! Go, Mabel!

Join the dark side!

Bill

All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity.

Bill

Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball. Kryptos. The being whose name must never be said. Haha, what the heck? It's Zanthar. Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]

Mayor Tyler

Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!

Lazy Susan

Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!

We don't like out-of-towners!

[ripping a mailbox in half] AND WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Pacifica

Dad!

Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.

Bill

Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?

Sheriff Blubs

Durland! My precious Deputy Durland, no! [one of the "Eye-Bats" transports Durland away]

Bill

It's time we do a little redecorating! I could really use a castle of some kind! [causes a pyramid to form and float in the sky] And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS?! [summons colourful bubbles; one passes through Sprott, making him scream madly and rip his shirt apart] This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!