Soos quotes from Gravity Falls

Soos

What's going on out here, dudes? I heard a ruckus. Heh-heh, that's a funny word. "Ruckus".

Soos

[pointing at the portal timer] It's the final countdown! Just like they always sung about!

[subtitled] I love cavorting!

[subtitled] That deserves a hug! [The two beavers hug, while another beaver slides off]

Dipper

But, what was that noise there? I heard a monster noise.

Soos

Sweet. Beaver with a chainsaw.

Dipper

Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.

Mabel

He did use the word "scrabdoodle".

Mabel

Hey, Dipper. What's going on? [Dipper swats her hands away and gets up]

Dipper

Whoa, where have you been? And what's going on with those fingernails? You look like a... wolverine.

Mabel

I know, right? Rawr. I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon. He is one dapper little man.

Dipper

Mabel, I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head.

Mabel

Oh, leave him alone. You never wanna do girly stuff with me. You and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time.

Dipper

What do you mean?

Soos

Hey, dude. You ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave, one by one?

Dipper

Am I?

Soos

[guffawing] Oh, dude!

Dipper

One at a time! One at a time!

Stan

Hey, hey! What the Jekyll is Mabel doing in the paper next to that greasy pickpocket Gideon?

Wendy

[browses her cellphone] Oh yeah, it's like a big deal. Everybody's talking about Gideon and Mabel's big date tonight.

Stan

WHAT?! That little shyster is dating my great-niece?!

Soos

I wonder what the new name will be for the power couple. Mab-ideon? Gide-Abel? [Gasps] Ma-gid-bel-eon!

Dipper

I didn't know! I didn't hear about it! And plus, I told her not to!

Stan

[walking out the door] Yeah, well it ends tonight. I'm going right down to that little skunk's house; this is gonna stop right now! [Slams the door]

Soos

'Sup, Gorney?

I've been twamatized.

Stan

You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes, or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together at one place and celebrate what really matters... PURE EVIL.

Soos

I ate a man alive tonight.

Mabel

Oh! Who's that? Is it Questiony The Question Mark?

Soos

Uhhh...I'm starting to have second thoughts about this Mabel. I keep forgetting my lines...And this costume is more uhhh...revealing than I expected.

Mabel

Soos, don't give up. [ Mabel flips through an 80's book called "Succeeding In Management"] Anything is possible when you...imaginize it.

Dipper

[Dressed like Grunkle Stan, leading a tour group through the Shack] This Shack is filled with wonders never before seen by human eyes. Behold: The Horrible, Giant Question-Baby!

Soos

Am I a man? Am I a baby? These are legitimate questions.

Stan

[still falling in the Bottomless Pit] Dipper's pain is funny. But I'm starting to get bored. Soos, tell a story.

Soos

Really? Okay. This story is called, "Soos' Really Great Pinball Story." Is that a good title? Do they have to be, like, puns or whatever?

Stan

Where... where are we?

Mabel

[gasps] Look! The Shack! Which means... we came right back out the top!

Dipper

[checks his watch] And I don't think any time has passed. It must be some kind of wormhole.

Soos

Yeah, dude. That sounds science-y enough to be true.

Stan

But that's impossible! No one will believe us. [leans on the pit's sign]

Mabel

Maybe this is one story we should keep to ourselves.

Agreed.

Mabel

[smiling] He'll be fine.

Stan

[sighs, long pause] This is stupid.

On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening day at the Gravity Falls pool!

Mabel

Gravity Falls pool?

Dipper

Today?

Soos

Pun intended?

Mabel

Ah, the pool. Sparkling oasis of summer enchantment.

Stan

Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus but wet.

Dipper

[looking at a towel] Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?

Soos

It's best not to think about it.

Wendy

Hey, Mr. Pines.

Stan

Wendy?! Where's the lifeguard?

Wendy

I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka. Boosh. [throws more balloons]

Stan

[fleeing] AAH! SHE'S ATTACKING ME WITH WATER!

Dipper

Wow, you work here?

Wendy

I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus I get the best seat in the house.

Dipper

Yeah, you do! [laughs for a moment, then whispers to himself] I've been laughing for too long.

Soos

Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning.

Dipper

Soos, shhh.

Stan

There it is, Soos. Equal distance from the snack bar and the bathroom. Just the right amount of sun and shade. And pointed away from where Old Man McGuckett lotions himself. The perfect lawn chair.

Soos

The legends you told me in the car were true.