Bill Cipher quotes from Gravity Falls

Bill

[in Dipper's body] Man, it has been so long since I've inhabited a body. [slaps himself on the cheek] Whoo! [slaps the other cheek] Haha, pain is hilarious.

Bill

[in Dipper's body, holding a can of Pitt cola] Human soda. I'm gonna drink it like a person. [pours it in his mouth and on his eyes, laughing]

Bill

[in Dipper's worn-out body] What is this feeling? My body is burning. I can't move these stupid noodle legs. Curse you, useless flesh-sticks. Body shutting down. Must... scratch... mosquito bites.

Bill

ARGH! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?!

Bill

When I get my hands on you kids, I'm gonna DISASSEMBLE YOUR MOLECULES! YOU'VE TRICKED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!

Bill

Oh! Oh, Gravity Falls, it is good to be back. Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy? [laughs] I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon.

Gideon

W-what are you? H-how do you know my name?

Bill

Oh, I know lots of things. LOTS OF THINGS. Hey, look what I can do. [magically pulls the teeth from a nearby deer's mouth, and drops them into Gideon's hands] Deer teeth. For you, kid. [laughs]

Gideon

You're insane!

Bill

Sure I am, what's your point? [restores the teeth to the deer, which runs away]

Gideon

Listen to me, demon! I have a job for you. I need you to enter the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe. [Mabel and Soos gasp]

Bill

[Laughs] Wait... Stan Pines? You know what, kid? You've convinced me! I'm sold! I'll help you with this and in return you can help me with something I've been working on! We'll work out the details later.

Gideon

Deal!

Bill

Well, time to invade Stan's mind! This should be fun! Remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold. Bye!

Bill

One nightmare, coming up!

Soos

Nightmare? I hope he doesn't mean that British dog-man I'm always dreaming about.

[appears] 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. Who's crike for a stick in the pudding?

Bill

I gotta hand it to you kids. You're a lot more clever than I gave you credit for. Especially the fat one.

Soos

[whispering to Mabel] He's talking about you.

Bill

So I'm gonna let you off the hook this time. BUT KNOW THIS! A darkness approaches. A time is coming in the future where everything you care about will change. Until then, I'll be watching you! I'll be watching you...!

Bill

Well, well, well. You're awfully persistent, Pine Tree. Hats off to you.

Dipper

You again!

Bill

Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me.

Dipper

Hardly! You worked with Gideon, you tried to destroy my uncle's mind!

Bill

It was just a job, kid! No hard feelings. I've been keeping an EYE ON YOU since then, and I must say, I'm impressed.

Dipper

Really?

Bill

You deserve a prize. Here, have a head that's always screaming.

Bill

[cackles] The point is, I like you. How's about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small... favor in return.

Dipper

I'd never do a favor for you! Don't forget who defeated you last time!

Bill

Right, you "defeated me". Well, if you ever change your mind, [pretends to grab Dipper's brain] I'll be here for you, ready to make a deal. Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds? AAH! [come to reality, Dipper wakes up]

Dipper

AAH!

Dipper

[as a ghost] I'm gonna stop you, Bill! I'm going to find that journal before you do, and I'm gonna stop you!

Bill

[in Dipper's body] But how can you stop me if you don't exist? [cackles evilly]

Bill

[in Dipper's body] Hey, Soos, wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?

Soos

[chuckles] Okay.

Bill

[in Dipper's body] How's about you hand that book over?

Mabel

No way, this is Dipper's! I'd never give it away!

Bill

Hmm, you didn't seem to have a problem taking it for your own play, or ditching him when he needed you. So come to your senses. Give me the book or your play is ruined. There it is. I mean, who would sacrifice everything they've worked for just for their dumb sibling?

Mabel

Dipper would.

Ford

Bill! You lied to me! Where does that portal really lead?!

Bill

Hoho! Looks like Mr. Brainiac finally got smart. Let's just say that when that portal finishes charging up, your dimension is gonna learn how to party. Right, guys?

Ford

No! I'll stop you! I'll shut it down!

Bill

A deal's a deal, Sixer. You can't stop a bridge between our worlds from coming, but it would be fun to watch you try. Cute, even.

"Blendin"

Look, maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a Time Bubble. It prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!

Mabel

R-really? But how does it work?

"Blendin"

I-I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle. [shows the rift] Something small; he won't even know it's missing.

Mabel

Huh...Maybe Dipper has something like that in his nerd bag.

Ford

Let me guess. Mabel didn't take it well?

Dipper

I don't know, maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I need to think about this.

Ford

Dipper, right now we need to focus on the mission. Now come on, I've got the glue; hand me the rift and let's make history.

Dipper

What? OH, NO! THE RIFT!

Mabel

Huh, that's...odd. Is this it?

"Blendin"

Yes, that's it! Just hand it over and I'll do my thing...unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls?

Mabel

Just a little more summer...[hands over the rift]

"Blendin"

OOPS! [drops the rift and smashes it with his boot]

Mabel

What?!

Mabel

Oh, no! Wait, wait, wait!

Bill

At last! At long, long last! The gate between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesied has come to pass! The day has come! THE WORLD IS FINALLY MINE!

Bill

All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity.

Bill

Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball. Kryptos. The being whose name must never be said. Haha, what the heck? It's Zanthar. Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]

Mayor Tyler

Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!

Lazy Susan

Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!

We don't like out-of-towners!

[ripping a mailbox in half] AND WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Pacifica

Dad!

Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.

Bill

Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?

Sheriff Blubs

Durland! My precious Deputy Durland, no! [one of the "Eye-Bats" transports Durland away]

Bill

It's time we do a little redecorating! I could really use a castle of some kind! [causes a pyramid to form and float in the sky] And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS?! [summons colourful bubbles; one passes through Sprott, making him scream madly and rip his shirt apart] This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!