Dipper Pines quotes from Gravity Falls

Dipper

Wait a minute! What has holes in its shoes and no fingerprints? Mabel! The murderers are...

Dipper

Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?

Dipper

Ah, sleeping under the stars. Not bad. [Dipper sees a wolf chewing on his leg.] Ah, get off! Get away! [Camera compares Mabel's sleepover to Dipper been chewed on by a wolf.] This is still better.

Dipper

[In Mabel's body] Braces are horrible. It's like my mouth hates me.

Dipper

Grunkle Stan, all summer long I've wanted to know who the author of the journal was. Now the guy lives in our basement and I can't even talk to him.

Dipper

Look, real life stinks sometimes, okay, I'm not gonna lie. But there's a better way to get through it than denial, and that's with help from people who care about you.

Dipper

[voiceover] If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls. It's not on any maps and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait. Take a trip. Find it. It's out there somewhere in the woods, waiting.

Dipper

[first lines, open narration] Ahh. Summer break.

[cooking burgers on a grill] So you want cheese on that, hon?

Sure, Hank.

Dipper

[voiceover] A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy, unless you’re me.

Mabel

It’s getting closer!

Dipper

[voiceover] My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.

Mabel

Look out!

Dipper

[narration] Rest assured, there’s a perfectly logical explanation.

Mabel

Check out this huge smooch mark he gave me. [turns cheek to reveal a big red mark]

Dipper

Ah!

Mabel

Heh heh, gullible. That was just an accident with the leaf blower. [in a flashback, Mabel gets her face sucked into a leaf blower whilst trying to perform "kissing practice" on a picture of Norman] Turn it off, turn it off! That was fun.

Grunkle Stan

And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face.

Does it look like a rock?

Grunkle Stan

No, it looks like a face.

Is it a face?

Grunkle Stan

It's a rock that looks like a face.

Dipper

Over here! Grunkle Stan?

Grunkle Stan

For the fifth time, it's not an actual face.

Dipper

Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!

Oh, hey there. You know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in any danger. She's just marrying all 1,000 of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity. Isn't that right, honey?

Mabel

You guys are butt-faces!

Grunkle Stan

It's Family Fun Day, genius! We're cuttin' off work and having one of those, you know, bonding-type deals.

Dipper

Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?

Grunkle Stan

You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman. [Sirens in distance] Uh-oh.

Mabel

The county jail was so cold.

Grunkle Stan

Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?

YAY!

Dipper

Wait, what?

Dipper

Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?

Grunkle Stan

Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be. What is that, a woodpecker? [drives into the woods, crashes into a sign]

AAH!

Dipper

Grunkle Stan why do you want to bond with us all of a sudden?

Grunkle Stan

C'mon this is gonna be great. I've never had fishin' buddies before. The guys at the lodge won't go with me. They don't "like or trust" me.

[subtitled] I love cavorting!

[subtitled] That deserves a hug! [The two beavers hug, while another beaver slides off]

Dipper

But, what was that noise there? I heard a monster noise.

Soos

Sweet. Beaver with a chainsaw.

Dipper

Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.

Mabel

He did use the word "scrabdoodle".