Wait. Wait. Stop everything. I’ve got something to say.
Just wait! Look! You guys all think Gideon is so perfect and honest, "Oh. I can never tell a lie, I’m Gideon."
He’s more honest than you.
Yeah! And he’s psychic too.
How’s this for psychic? BAM! [kicks a metal stab revealing a control panel inside] Take a good look.
Wait a minute? Is that me? [on the monitor] The secret ingredient to my coffee omelette is coffee.
DDoctor
[on the monitor] I can verify that that birthmark is indeed disgusting.
EEveryone
That’s me! That’s me! That’s me!
That's right; these pins are hidden cameras! And my hearing aid was picking up the feedback! Who's the fraud now?
[Stan crushes the pin which indeed has a hidden camera inside. Everyone throws down their pins]
Gideon, we gave you our trust.
MDManly Dan
You lied to us.
Please, I... It's not what it looks like. What are you gonna do with me?
TylerGet him. [sniffs] Get him.
Lil' Gideon, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud and breaking our hearts. Durland, the tiny handcuffs.
[Durland handcuffs him] What?! No!
[Stan picks him up and shakes him] Let go of me! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[retrieves Journal Number Two and the deed to the Mystery Shack] I believe this belongs to me.
[gets loaded into a police car] No! No! Watch the hair! You can't do this to me! Y'all are sheep! You need me! I'll be back! You'll hear from my lawyers!
SShandra
There you have it. Local hero Stanford Pines has just exposed Li'l Gideon as a fraud. Anything you have to say to the town, Stanford?
The Mystery Shack is back, baby!
SShandra
[on TV] This just in! Stanford Pines loses! [a picture of Stan with the word "DISQUALIFIED" on it is shown]
DMDipper, Mabel, and Stan
[watching] WHAT?!
SShandra
Despite winning an overwhelming 95% of the vote, election officials had to disqualify him, due to discovery of an extensive criminal record.
SShandra
[reading through papers] Crimes include shoplifting, teaching bears to drive, a new crime he invented called "burgle-bezzlement", first-degree "llama-cide"...?
[shakes fist] That llama knew too much!
SShandra
Due to this shocking development, it would appear the mayorship passes to the only candidate who actually filled out their paperwork: local enthusiasm enthusiast Tyler Cutebiker.
[Tyler is shown on a podium, with Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland giving him a mayoral sash and a bouquet of flowers as a crowd cheers]
Tyler
[blushing] Got it.
SShandra
[is handed a gigantic stack of paper to read from] We will dedicate the rest of this broadcast to listing Stan's crimes: first-degree thermometer theft, pug trafficking...
[Before Stan turns off the TV, a list is shown reading: "FIRST-DEGREE THERMOMETER THEFT. PUG TRAFFICKING. SNACKS EVASION. PICKPOCKETING. WOODPECKER BAITING. IMPERSONATING A DENTIST. GENERAL INDECENCY. GOLF CART THEFT. BINGO FRAUD. TELLING JOKES THAT JUST GO ON AND ON, I MEAN, I HAVE THINGS TO DO TODAY, REALLY."]
Whew! At least they didn't list any of the bad ones! On an unrelated topic, I have a lot of cheap pugs and I need to move them fast.
[As Bill Cipher towers over Gravity Falls and its citizens]
All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity.
[he melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest]
Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball. Kryptos. The being whose name must never be said. Haha, what the heck? It's Zanthar. Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]
Mayor Tyler
Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!
Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
We don't like out-of-towners!
MDManly Dan
[ripping a mailbox in half] AND WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!
NMr. Northwest
I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
NMr. Northwest
Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.
Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?
[He clicks his fingers, and Mr. Northwest's face is suddenly grotesquely mixed up; he falls to the ground, giving out muffled screams as his family watches in horror; Bill cackles as people flee, and turns Deputy Durland to stone]
Durland! My precious Deputy Durland, no! [one of the "Eye-Bats" transports Durland away]
It's time we do a little redecorating! I could really use a castle of some kind! [causes a pyramid to form and float in the sky] And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS?! [summons colourful bubbles; one passes through Sprott, making him scream madly and rip his shirt apart] This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!
Gravity Falls · 241 quotes
