Gideon quotes from Gravity Falls

Gideon

My powers! Oh, this isn't over. This isn't the last you'll see of wittle... ol' me.

Gideon

Deal with it.

Dipper

[on Mabel] She's never gonna date you, man!

Gideon

That's a lie! And I'm gonna make sure you never lie to me again, friend. [Levitates the scissors out from a box to kill Dipper]

Gideon

Why Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty-bitty head. If you agree to be my queen.

Mabel

NO! Never! I will fight you till the day I- Gummy Koalas! [is dropped into bag, nibbles gummy koala]

Gideon

[on the phone to Stan] Stanford Pines, listen to me very closely. I have your niece and nephew. Hand over the deed to the Mystery Shack right now, or great harm will befall them. [pause] This is Gideon, by the way.

Stan

[laughs] Oh yeah, this is gonna be your worst plot yet. They're fine. I saw them playing in the yard minutes ago.

Gideon

I have them in my possession! You don't believe me?! I will text you a photo!

Stan

"Text me a photo"? Now you're not even speaking English!

Gideon

But-

Bill

Oh! Oh, Gravity Falls, it is good to be back. Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy? [laughs] I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon.

Gideon

W-what are you? H-how do you know my name?

Bill

Oh, I know lots of things. LOTS OF THINGS. Hey, look what I can do. [magically pulls the teeth from a nearby deer's mouth, and drops them into Gideon's hands] Deer teeth. For you, kid. [laughs]

Gideon

You're insane!

Bill

Sure I am, what's your point? [restores the teeth to the deer, which runs away]

Gideon

Listen to me, demon! I have a job for you. I need you to enter the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe. [Mabel and Soos gasp]

Bill

[Laughs] Wait... Stan Pines? You know what, kid? You've convinced me! I'm sold! I'll help you with this and in return you can help me with something I've been working on! We'll work out the details later.

Gideon

Deal!

Bill

Well, time to invade Stan's mind! This should be fun! Remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold. Bye!

Dipper

Gimme that back or I'll-

Gideon

Or you'll what, boy? You'll what? Huh, huh? No muscles, no brains. Face it, you're nothin' without this.

Stan

Wait. Wait. Stop everything. I’ve got something to say.

Blubs

Not this guy again.

Stan

Just wait! Look! You guys all think Gideon is so perfect and honest, "Oh. I can never tell a lie, I’m Gideon."

Blubs

He’s more honest than you.

Yeah! And he’s psychic too.

Stan

How’s this for psychic? BAM! [kicks a metal stab revealing a control panel inside] Take a good look.

Lazy Susan

Wait a minute? Is that me? [on the monitor] The secret ingredient to my coffee omelette is coffee.

And me.

[on the monitor] I can verify that that birthmark is indeed disgusting.

That’s me! That’s me! That’s me!

Stan

That's right; these pins are hidden cameras! And my hearing aid was picking up the feedback! Who's the fraud now?

Gideon, we gave you our trust.

You lied to us.

Gideon

Please, I... It's not what it looks like. What are you gonna do with me?

Tyler?

Tyler

Get him. [sniffs] Get him.

Blubs

Lil' Gideon, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud and breaking our hearts. Durland, the tiny handcuffs.

Gideon

[Durland handcuffs him] What?! No!

Stan

Just one more thing!

Gideon

[Stan picks him up and shakes him] Let go of me! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Stan

[retrieves Journal Number Two and the deed to the Mystery Shack] I believe this belongs to me.

Gideon

[gets loaded into a police car] No! No! Watch the hair! You can't do this to me! Y'all are sheep! You need me! I'll be back! You'll hear from my lawyers!

There you have it. Local hero Stanford Pines has just exposed Li'l Gideon as a fraud. Anything you have to say to the town, Stanford?

Stan

The Mystery Shack is back, baby!