Wendy Corduroy quotes from Gravity Falls

Wendy

Look, it's time we stop trying to be so "perfect" and be who we really are. We're crazed, angry, sweaty animals! We're not unicorns, we're WOMEN! AND WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT!

Wendy

End of the world... man, those death metal album covers got it shockingly right.

Stan

Hey, hey! What the Jekyll is Mabel doing in the paper next to that greasy pickpocket Gideon?

Wendy

[browses her cellphone] Oh yeah, it's like a big deal. Everybody's talking about Gideon and Mabel's big date tonight.

Stan

WHAT?! That little shyster is dating my great-niece?!

Soos

I wonder what the new name will be for the power couple. Mab-ideon? Gide-Abel? [Gasps] Ma-gid-bel-eon!

Dipper

I didn't know! I didn't hear about it! And plus, I told her not to!

Stan

[walking out the door] Yeah, well it ends tonight. I'm going right down to that little skunk's house; this is gonna stop right now! [Slams the door]

Wendy

And Robbie. You can probably figure him out.

Robbie

Yeah, I'm the guy who spray painted the water tower.

Dipper

Oh, you mean The Big Muffin.

Robbie

Uh, it's a giant explosion.

It kinda does look like a muffin.

Wendy

Come on, Dipper.

Dipper

[climbing over the fence] Okay, okay, just gotta get a foothold.

Robbie

Dude, your sister did it.

Mabel

[running on the ground sideways in a circle] Woop woop woop woop woop woop.

Wendy

[to Dipper] ...and your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip.

Mabel

[feeling sick] Uhhhhh, maybe I've had too much. What do you think?

Elknurg tsurt t'nod! ['Don't trust Grunkle' backwards]

Would you like to eat my candy paws?

Mabel

Of course, you little angel. [starts chewing on the paw. Cut to real life; Mabel is chewing on air.]

I'm bonkers for eating you alive.

No! [Screams as a stabbing sound is heard]

Lee! Okay, okay... I'm with you kid! 100%, man!

[possessing Mabel, flies up behind counter; through Mabel, deep voice] Welcome.

[Scream]

Dipper

They got Mabel!

Welcome to your graves, young trespassers. [Kicks legs and laughs]

Wendy

We're super sorry for hanging out in your store!

Dipper

Yeah! Can we just go now and leave forever?

Well... okay. You're free to go. [Opens doors] But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off. I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs.

[Scream and run for the door]

[Closes doors] Just kidding about the hot dog sale.

Just let us out of here already!

I don't like your tone. [Dissolves Nate]

[Reappears as a hot dog on the stove] No! I'M A HOT DOG!

It begins. [Makes everything float to the ceiling] Welcome to your home for all eternity!

Wendy

Dipper, what do we do?!

Dipper

DUCK! [Dipper and Wendy duck to avoid a flying shelf]

Wendy

[Points] Quick! In there! [Dipper and Wendy Run to a tipped over ice machine and hide inside and pant]

Wendy

What do they want from us?!

Dipper

Revenge, I guess?

Wendy

What did we do wrong?

Dipper

Okay, let's try to figure out the pattern here. Why was each person taken? Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing a video game, Lee was being sarcastic; it doesn't make any sense!

Wendy

Yeah! I mean, those are all just normal teenage things.

Dipper

Wendy, say that last part again.

Wendy

Normal teenage things?

Dipper

Of course! Stay here until I get back! [crawls out of the freezer]

Wendy

Dude, what are you doing?!

Dipper

Hey ghost!

[twists Mabel's head around to face Dipper, then turns the rest of her body towards him]

Dipper

I've got something to tell you! I'm not a teenager!

[drops everything that's floating and appears holding Mabel by her hair with Ma] Hohoho! Well why didn't you say so? [drops Mabel into a pile of candy]

Mabel

WAAH! [Lands in the candy and rubs her head] Ohhh...

Back when we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store.

Always sassafrassing customers with their boomy-boxes and disrespectful short pants. So we decided to up and ban them. But they retaliated with their newfangled rap music.

The lyrics were so hateful.

Homework's whack, and so are rules. Tucking in your shirt's for fools.

Wendy

Well, I'm probably scarred for life.

Dipper

Yeah, that was pretty crazy.

Wendy

I think I'll go stare at a wall for a while and RETHINK EVERYTHING. Hey, next time we hang out, let's stay at the Mystery Shack. Okay?

Dipper

Next time? Yah! Let's, let's hang out at the Shack! Yeah... [gets in the car, to himself] Next time... [gets in the car and sits next to Mabel]

Mabel

OHHHHH... [sees the thing she wrote earlier] What kind of sick joke is this?

Dipper

Wendy, I just wanted to tell you that everyone makes mistakes. And when they do, you should forgive them. And also that tight pants are overrated.

Wendy

Dude. You lost me.

Dipper

[sighs] I know.

Wendy

Hey, Mr. Pines.

Stan

Wendy?! Where's the lifeguard?

Wendy

I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka. Boosh. [throws more balloons]

Stan

[fleeing] AAH! SHE'S ATTACKING ME WITH WATER!

Dipper

Wow, you work here?

Wendy

I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus I get the best seat in the house.

Dipper

Yeah, you do! [laughs for a moment, then whispers to himself] I've been laughing for too long.

Soos

Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning.

Dipper

Soos, shhh.

Wendy

Soos.

Soos

Inflatable duck guy? Is that you?

Wendy

Yes, Soos.

Soos

I knew you guys were secretly alive. I knew it.

Wendy

My people have been enslaved, Soos. You must free us.

Soos

The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand.

Mabel

SEV'RAL TIMEZ is playing at the the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet.

Dipper

Ughh, Sev'Ral Timez? Aren't they that boy band that came a decade too late?

Oh Oh! Girl you got me actin' so Cray Cray! (Cray-Cray!) You say you won't be my baby! We're not threatening!

Dipper

Mabel, you know all those boy bands are fake - Right?

Wendy

Dipper's right. They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry.

Mabel

You're making my dance sad.

Mabel

You guys can't ruin this for me. Mabel's got backup.

Hey guys.

Candy

Woo-Hoo.

Mabel

I'm ready for the greatest night of our live. [singing] "How many times am I gonna love ya?"

"SEV'RAL TIMEZ!"

Dipper

Uhhh, GIRLS.

Wendy

I know, Right?

Dipper

All right, it took all day, but I converted it to a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind-control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown.

Stan

Spit-take, here I come. [sips Pitt Cola]

Stan

Hmm... that's not spit worthy. What gives?

Dipper

What? Is that it? [fiddles with the speed] Ugh, This was so stupid! Course there's no hidden mind-control messages. Mabel was right. Wendy just likes the song. She just likes Robbie.

Wendy

[entering with Robbie] Hey, Dip. Forgot my keys.

Robbie

What's up, junior? What are you doing? Trying to come up with an equation to make girls like you? [laughs]

Wendy

Ready to go to Lookout Point?

Robbie

Heh, am I. [leaving with her] Later, dorks. Catch ya on the rewind. [chuckles] I made that up.

Stan

I'll rewind your FACE!

Dipper

Wait a minute. Stan, rewind!

Stan

[spits soda into Dipper's face] Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit-take!

Dipper

Ha ha! I knew it! It's mind control after all! Oh no! I've got to save Wendy!

Stan

Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face! Let's roll!

What do we do, Chadley? I thought they were dead.

Far worse, Trixandra. They're NEARLY ALMOST DEAD BUT NOT QUITE!

Dipper

Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you've actually fought real zombies.

Wendy

They're slow. Just power-walk away from them.

Dipper

How much do you want to bet the guy dies first?

Ahhh! My face is being eaten a lot!

Wendy

Chadley ain't pretty no more.