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“Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Chuck Bass (6), Serena van der Woodsen (5), Dan Humphrey (4), Nate Archibald (3), Gossip Girl (2), Blair Waldorf (1), Jenny Humphrey (1), Rufus Humphrey (1)
So smoke up, and seal the deal with Blair because you're also entitled to tap that ass.
There's nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight and this could be a classic.
[Suggestively] If you want to thank me...
It's a sandwich, Chuck.
Serena looked effing hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be... violated.
You are deeply disturbed.
And yet, you know I'm right. You're telling me if you had the chance --
I have a girlfriend.
You guys have been dating since kindergarden and you haven't sealed the deal.
Who says "seal the deal"?
Are you following us or something?
No. I, uh, I go to your school. [He gestures to their outfits]Identical uniforms. Kind of a tip-off.
[Sarcastically] That's funny.
[They exit the bus]
[Sarcastically, to himself] So, you guys wanna sit together at lunch?
Guess whose dad is cool?!
It's a trick question.
Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.
Ha ha, ha ha. Look at this: [He hands Dan a magazine]
Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the '90's.
Yeah, check out who is number nine.
He's very proud.
Hey. Hey, way to be forgotten!
But that's how you get remembered!
So, how's your mom doing? With the divorce and everything.
Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah, I could tell, since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.
I, I know, it's just... boarding school --
I don't even know why you went to boarding school to begin with. Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having your mom say "Serena didn't tell you? That she moved to Connecticut?"
I just... I had to go, I... needed to get away from everything. Please, just trust me.
How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you?
Well, let's fix that. I saw you at school with Kati and Is and I get it. I don't wanna take any of that away from you.
Because it's just yours to take if you want it.
No, that's not what I mean. I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. You know, walking to school together, dancing on tables at Bungalow, night swimming at your mom's country house? You're like my sister. Y'know, with our families... we need each other.
Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn't such a tragedy it would've been funny. Actually, it kinda was.
[They laugh]
Well, I wish I could have been there.
You are now. Well, I have to go meet Nate. We kind of have something special planned.
Well, I don't want to keep you, but, um... [She hugs Blair] I love you, B.
I love you too, S.
I love this town. I'm going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty.
You just love when a girl talks to you.
Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking.
[Sarcastically] Mm. I've missed your witty banter.
Let's catch up! Take our clothes off, stare at each other.
How about I just get a bite to eat. I'm drinking on an empty stomach.
I heard you didn't do that anymore.
Special occasion.
Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You love truffles.
Enough to know it's not on the menu.
I'm connected.
Only 'cause I'm hungry.
Pick me up at 8?
You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Well, you can't be any worse than the guys I do know.
So, you took me to meet your dad on the first date?
So, this... this is a date? Oh. Maybe I should've worn my loafers, then. Dress down a little bit.
[Smoking a joint] This is some good stuff.
Yeah, I'm gonna need it. Blair's mom is in the country house.
Well then maybe I should swipe some of my dad's Viagra, or my mom's Paxil... Nathaniel, you're finally about to have sex with your girlfriend and it's like you're headed to your execution.
Nah, man, I'm good.
Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever. All of a sudden there's a problem?
There's no problem. It's just, do you ever feel like our whole lives have been planned out for us? Like we're just gonna end up like our parents?
Geez, that's a dark thought.
Aren't we entitled to choose, just to...be happy?
Look, easy, Socrates. What we're entitled to is a trust fund, maybe a house in the Hamptons, a prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu, so smoke up and seal the deal with Blair, cause you're also entitled to tap that ass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gossip Girl pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.