Jacob quotes from Glee

Jacob

You're like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup. No more juice. Get ready for payback, Puckerman.

Jacob

When are you slated to make your triumphant return to the Shire?

Jacob

When exactly did you ink your sponsorship with Land's End?

Jacob

[to the cameraman] Did you get that? [to audience] You saw it here first.

Jacob

How exactly do you get the white out of rice?

Jacob

What did you do with all that breast milk?

Jacob

Technology allows us to be brutally cruel without suffering any consequences.

Jacob

Rachel, how do you respond to rumors you're incredibly difficult to work with?

Finn

Well, as her boyfriend, I can answer that.

Rachel

We've been dating all summer.

Finn

Rachel's what you'd call a controlist.

Rachel

I...I'm controlling. [to Finn] "Controlist" isn't a word.

Finn

Oh.

Rachel

I'm controlling. Performing is my life. And yes, do I have opinions about it? Does my need to constantly express those opinions annoy my fellow glee clubbers?

Finn

Yes! [Rachel looks at Finn] That was out loud, wasn't it?

Jacob

Will Schuester, how do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your glee club song selection sound like they come from a drag queen's iPod?

Will

Well, I try to do something for everybody. 25% show tunes, 25% hip-hop, 25% classic rock.

Jacob

100% gay.

Jacob

Confirm or deny the rumor that because you knocked up Quinn Fabray, you spent all your summer pool cleaning money on a vasectomy.

It's true. It was the responsible thing to do.

Jacob

Is it also true you're suffering from a crippling depression because you're not over Miss Fabray? [Puck blocks the camera's view.]

Jacob

What can you say about the rumors that the two of you are dating?

Tina

Because we're both Asian? That's racist!

Mike

Totally racist!

Jacob

How has life changed since the birth of your bastard child?

Quinn

Well, I'm happy to be back and ready to start fresh. And.. I'm a lot less hormonal, so there's not really any more crying.

Jacob

[noticing Santana's boob job] How was YOUR summer?

Santana

My eyes are up here, Jewfro. And it was uneventful.

Brittany

People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers.

Jacob

Did you know there's a forum on my blog that's begging you to stop rapping?

Will

Wait, th-the kids don't like it when I rap?

Jacob

When will you glee clubbers ...

Kurt

I don't know.

Jacob

... accept the fact that people hate you ...

Kurt

Kiss it, Jacob.

Jacob

... and think you're nothing but a glorified ...

Kurt

Go away, go away.

Kurt

You know what Jacob? It doesn't take much courage for people to park their cottage cheese behinds in their Barkaloungers and log onto the Internet and start tearing people down, does it. But you know what does take some courage? Standing up and singing about something. So here's a message for everyone that reads your blog. Next time, instead of posting an anonymous comment online, say what you have to say TO MY FACE!!

Azimio

[throws slushie in Kurt's face] Welcome back, Lady!

Kurt

[to Jacob] I don't suppose you could just cut out that last part, is there?

Brittany

[touching Jacob's hair] Your hair looks like a Jewish cloud.

Jacob

[to Finn after Rachel walks away in her 'Baby One More Time' outfit] What do you want for her? I'll give you anything. I'll give you my house! I'll kill my parents and I'll give you my house!